Anonymous
06/09/2021 23:48
Subject: Re:How do you deal with not having the life you wanted?
Anonymous wrote:OP,
I was in similar circumstances. I am in my mid-50, divorced, with two kids, and earning in the low $300K. I moved into a 2 bedroom apartment after we split because my daughter (who was then a junior in high school at the time) wanted to live with me.
About two months after we split, my friends (neighbors from my former neighborhood) invited me over for dinner. They are a great couple (very attractive, both come from wealthy families and both have high-paying jobs.) They have kids the same age as mine, one of whom is severely disabled.
They invited me over because they were worried I was lonely. After dinner, the husband went to intubate their son (it was his turn that night) and the wife stayed to talk to me and tell me that if I ever needed them I call at any time. I ask her how they could be so giving while dealing with so much, and she told me that they found that giving made them happier. AT the end of the day, they believe that focusing on what they gave instead of what they had made them happy.
I know others have talked about how considering that others are less fortunate can help a person gain a perspective on what they have instead of what they do not have. I am not sure that is always true. I do believe that truly giving (i.e., helping whenever possible) does make you happier.
I lack the strength my friends showed me, and I still sometimes feel like I deserve better. However, I do try to give as often as I can and it does help.
Why were in an apartment with a 300k+ salary?! Do you mean the penthouse?
Ridiculous.
Anonymous
06/09/2021 22:58
Subject: Re:How do you deal with not having the life you wanted?
I am getting the feeling that OP is not in the DMV. Maybe NYC?
Anonymous
06/09/2021 22:31
Subject: How do you deal with not having the life you wanted?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Spend time with people less fortunate than you so you can start feeling grateful for the life you have.
"If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself."
Thanks, I do. My entire career is about helping the underserved, most of whom have horrendous and traumatizing stories and experiences. It does make me grateful every day foe what I have. I also still feel I have not kept up with married peers.
I’m assuming, based on your career, that you’re not making the kind of money that justifies your education. Is it time to think about a career change so you can afford a better house, etc.?
Anonymous
06/09/2021 22:25
Subject: How do you deal with not having the life you wanted?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Most of you sound like Johnny got a bike, how come I didn’t? Suck it up buttercup!
How about you just go back to sucking it.
Your Mom does a great job of suck it…
My mom gave her life away long ago. But may she suck your soul into the afterlife you wretched imp.
I have no soul because I sleep with married women and your Mom was at the top of my list!
My mom was never married.
We can agree that you are soulless and a douche. Now shoo.
We can agree that your a tnuc
Anonymous
06/09/2021 20:00
Subject: How do you deal with not having the life you wanted?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Most of you sound like Johnny got a bike, how come I didn’t? Suck it up buttercup!
How about you just go back to sucking it.
Your Mom does a great job of suck it…
My mom gave her life away long ago. But may she suck your soul into the afterlife you wretched imp.
I have no soul because I sleep with married women and your Mom was at the top of my list!
My mom was never married.
We can agree that you are soulless and a douche. Now shoo.
Anonymous
06/09/2021 20:00
Subject: Re:How do you deal with not having the life you wanted?
Anonymous wrote:
Focusing on flaws in other people's lives ultimately doesn't make you feel any better. It may feel better temporarily, but not in the long run. It's far better to focus on getting what you want out of your own life.
Agree one thousand percent.
Anonymous
06/09/2021 20:00
Subject: How do you deal with not having the life you wanted?
Anonymous wrote:One more thing. I learned life isn’t over. I have a future. There are more pages in my story. That helps.
I like this thought. As Bob Seger says, Turn the Page
Anonymous
06/09/2021 19:54
Subject: How do you deal with not having the life you wanted?
Anonymous wrote:Just remember that no one's life is always as rosy at it looks. I know people with great houses, 2 kids, etc, who are in bad marriages, or live above their means, or any other number of things. Be glad you got out of a bad marriage, and know you won't always have a 2 bed apartment. I think that is a big part of what is bothering you, so make a change there when you can so you can feel in control again.
Multiple families in Northern VA fit this criteria. On social media they are the perfect family. Most early 40 YR old women don’t sleep in the same bedroom as their spouse. The reality is far from what is shown to the world.
Anonymous
06/09/2021 19:54
Subject: How do you deal with not having the life you wanted?
OP, you are proof that money does not buy happiness. What a miserable existence you lead. What a pity you will never, ever be able to appreciate what you have been given. Nobody can change how you think except for you. Nobody is responsible for your outlook on life, except for you. If you want stay stuck, stay stuck. But that is nobody else's problem but yours.
Anonymous
06/09/2021 19:49
Subject: How do you deal with not having the life you wanted?
OP, what you’re experiencing is grief. Regarding others, everyone will have SOMETHING to grieve if they live long enough. I too am divorced and I really am kinda broke, I make 42k and am about to move out of the fancy house and in with my parents. I too grieve the life I thought I would have and that I worked for. Sometimes I feel envious of others for whom it worked out differently. But I have a lot to be grateful for and I bet you do, too. We will carry the grief of our failed marriages for the rest of our lives but please do NOT let it color all your days. I just tell myself, I have my kids, my health, my friends and family and myself. Some people have real problems!
Anonymous
06/09/2021 19:03
Subject: How do you deal with not having the life you wanted?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Honestly, as a data-driven culture we should be much more vocal about the vast material evidence that shows who you marry is the choice you make with the single greatest impact on your life; more than money, career success, health, even children, the person you spend your life with will give your life immeasurable meaning or misery. A good marriage is a game-changer, and people belittling the grieving that takes place after a divorce are out of their minds. It’s like a death of a life that could have been.
This is true and I think more and more women realize this. Hence, the decrease of marriage and motherhood. Women are opting out all together.
But that is foolish. The answer to something with 50/50 odds of winnings isn’t to not play at all.
It isn’t foolish. It’s smart.
Motherhood and procreation is not something that should be gambled.
The power of creation of the power of destruction. Motherhood isn’t a decision that should be taken lightly.
M
Anonymous
06/09/2021 18:03
Subject: How do you deal with not having the life you wanted?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Most of you sound like Johnny got a bike, how come I didn’t? Suck it up buttercup!
How about you just go back to sucking it.
Your Mom does a great job of suck it…
My mom gave her life away long ago. But may she suck your soul into the afterlife you wretched imp.
I have no soul because I sleep with married women and your Mom was at the top of my list!
Anonymous
06/09/2021 17:59
Subject: How do you deal with not having the life you wanted?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Most of you sound like Johnny got a bike, how come I didn’t? Suck it up buttercup!
How about you just go back to sucking it.
Your Mom does a great job of suck it…
My mom gave her life away long ago. But may she suck your soul into the afterlife you wretched imp.
Anonymous
06/09/2021 17:37
Subject: How do you deal with not having the life you wanted?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Most of you sound like Johnny got a bike, how come I didn’t? Suck it up buttercup!
How about you just go back to sucking it.
Your Mom does a great job of suck it…
Anonymous
06/09/2021 17:32
Subject: Re:How do you deal with not having the life you wanted?
OP is delusional. My mother raised two kids by herself as an immigrant in Arlington on $36k/yr. She came to America at 37 with no English. Never had health insurance and has always worked backbreaking minimum wage jobs and she is incredibly happy. In fact refuses to not enjoy life.