Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. Show her you’re committed to her and to the future. Get her a ring and ask her to marry you. This is a good lesson that marriage or any good relationship is one big one continuous set of compromises where you need to meet each other half way. Since you’re planning on asking her anyways, why not just do it now? If you really are having doubts, then don’t cohabitate.

Read the thread before commenting. OP already decided this. He'll be great at compromising. His girlfriend, soon-to-be wife won't be.

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I have bene dating for a little over a year. I asked her or move in with me after talking about next steps, but she she is refusing unless we become engaged. She said she is unwilling to move in with me unless I make a commitment. She doesn’t want to be like some friends who moved in with a boyfriend thinking marriage would come and it never did. She needs to know I’m serious because moving in to her means that I might feel like I don’t need to propose. That is not the case with us. My parents always told me it’s important to live with someone before getting engaged to make sure you’re compatible. There are people who get engaged and then realize they can’t live together. We are at a stand still. She wants to get engaged and I want her to move in and then get engaged.

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's that old saying... why should a man buy the cow when the milk is free?

I think your girlfriend is right. Either you're going to make a lifelong commitment to her, or you're not. She has absolutely nothing to gain by shacking up with you until you make up your mind.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I definitely want to marry. I thought the normal next steps were to move in, live together for 3-6 months, and get engaged. She is not “ an option”. I would ever live with someone I didn’t intend to marry. I can see it from her perspective now after reading the replies. I was always taught that you need to live with someone to see if you’re really compatible, and breaking up is easier than calling off an engagement. Now I know.

I want her to feel certain that this is the real deal. I want her to feel secure and know that we will get married. I will start looking at rings. I don’t want to lose her over something dumb since I planned to propose in the fall anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Neither of you are wrong, but a man wanting to live together or vice versa doesn’t automatically mean they won’t marry you. Usually there are many red flags besides apprehension to get engaged that women ignore. Moving in together doesn’t mean you man won’t propose to you.

This. The red flag that OP should be looking at right now is the issuing of ultimatums and the refusal to come to an agreement that works for them as a couple.

No one issued any ultimatums here. They had a difference of opinion on moving in together before they’re engaged.

And only one person handled it somewhat maturely. I agree with the pp who suggested OP should insist on premarital counseling.

-1 What exactly did OP's girlfriend do that was immature?

I have no regrets about insisting on a ring before moving in. I knew what I wanted, and wasn't willing to play house without a commitment. Knowing what you want and speaking up for yourself, even when your view isn't fashionable, is the definition of maturity.

Married 17 years.

The immaturity comes in insisting things must be entirely your way in a relationship.

That is not immaturity. Acknowledging that there are some differences that are insurmountable in a relationship is part of being an adult. Better to figure out that a man isn't committed before moving in than after.

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I have bene dating for a little over a year. I asked her or move in with me after talking about next steps, but she she is refusing unless we become engaged. She said she is unwilling to move in with me unless I make a commitment. She doesn’t want to be like some friends who moved in with a boyfriend thinking marriage would come and it never did. She needs to know I’m serious because moving in to her means that I might feel like I don’t need to propose. That is not the case with us. My parents always told me it’s important to live with someone before getting engaged to make sure you’re compatible. There are people who get engaged and then realize they can’t live together. We are at a stand still. She wants to get engaged and I want her to move in and then get engaged.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you talk about what your parents say, what your friends did, what's "normal"-- do you have any opinions of your own? You don't have to do what's "normal" and if you think your parents are the boss of this you are not mature enough to get married. Try to figure out what is right for the two of you, unique individuals. Not what's right for other people.

I agree. Gently, OP you seem very swayed by the opinions of others.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither of you are wrong, but a man wanting to live together or vice versa doesn’t automatically mean they won’t marry you. Usually there are many red flags besides apprehension to get engaged that women ignore. Moving in together doesn’t mean you man won’t propose to you.

This. The red flag that OP should be looking at right now is the issuing of ultimatums and the refusal to come to an agreement that works for them as a couple.

No one issued any ultimatums here. They had a difference of opinion on moving in together before they’re engaged.

And only one person handled it somewhat maturely. I agree with the pp who suggested OP should insist on premarital counseling.

-1 What exactly did OP's girlfriend do that was immature?

I have no regrets about insisting on a ring before moving in. I knew what I wanted, and wasn't willing to play house without a commitment. Knowing what you want and speaking up for yourself, even when your view isn't fashionable, is the definition of maturity.

Married 17 years.

The immaturity comes in insisting things must be entirely your way in a relationship.

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. Show her you’re committed to her and to the future. Get her a ring and ask her to marry you. This is a good lesson that marriage or any good relationship is one big one continuous set of compromises where you need to meet each other half way. Since you’re planning on asking her anyways, why not just do it now? If you really are having doubts, then don’t cohabitate.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you talk about what your parents say, what your friends did, what's "normal"-- do you have any opinions of your own? You don't have to do what's "normal" and if you think your parents are the boss of this you are not mature enough to get married. Try to figure out what is right for the two of you, unique individuals. Not what's right for other people.