I have a slightly different answer. I would lease a car for the 4 months between now and your daughter going to college. Then I would tell her that she can use the car if she will leave her phone with you. When she goes to work, she doesn't need her phone. If she's working at a restaurant or life-guarding, she should be paying attention to her job, not looking at her phone anyways. If she wants her phone, then she has to arrange alternate transportation, either a ride from you, if convenient, or getting a friend to drive her to work. If she can't get a ride, she leaves her phone with you and drives to work. And, her father should have the option to say "no" if she asks him for a ride.

Then when she goes to school, you return the leased car and it's not your problem any more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP—Update. We will not be buying another car for her. She did try to convince us to use the insurance payout as a down payment on another vehicle and would make the car payments herself. I asked her if she was planning to pay for the insurance as well and got a “deer in the headlights” look. She brought it up again this weekend and I simply said that we’re planning on spending the insurance payout on home upgrades and repairs. We did commit to driving her to/from work when it’s convenient for us, but it is not guaranteed and she needs to arrange it in advance. Otherwise it is Uber/friends.

Good for you, OP.

O0–Thank you for your support.

It also would help if people lived closer to their jobs and teens could easily walk or bike to their employment. Pathetic our built environment forces this conversation.

Anonymous wrote:OP—Update. We will not be buying another car for her. She did try to convince us to use the insurance payout as a down payment on another vehicle and would make the car payments herself. I asked her if she was planning to pay for the insurance as well and got a “deer in the headlights” look. She brought it up again this weekend and I simply said that we’re planning on spending the insurance payout on home upgrades and repairs. We did commit to driving her to/from work when it’s convenient for us, but it is not guaranteed and she needs to arrange it in advance. Otherwise it is Uber/friends.

It is not her friends responsibility to drive her.

Anonymous wrote:I would not get him another car. I grew up in a very rural area and knew plenty of kids who didn't have their own car. They got rides from friends more than their parents. I was one of the kids with a car (also old for my grade so got my license first) and I remember driving ALL OVER to pick-up/drop off friends for school, practices, football games, parties, etc.

He can Uber and pay for it himself if he can't find a free ride.

This. I would not get another car for texting/driving. Hard stop for me.
I WOULD drive him places on my schedule/at my convenience.

Otherwise, he can Uber on his dime.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP—Update. We will not be buying another car for her. She did try to convince us to use the insurance payout as a down payment on another vehicle and would make the car payments herself. I asked her if she was planning to pay for the insurance as well and got a “deer in the headlights” look. She brought it up again this weekend and I simply said that we’re planning on spending the insurance payout on home upgrades and repairs. We did commit to driving her to/from work when it’s convenient for us, but it is not guaranteed and she needs to arrange it in advance. Otherwise it is Uber/friends.

Good for you, OP.

Agreed. Way to be firm (and COMPLETELY reasonable).

I can't believe you're even contemplating buying another vehicle lol. This kid is clearly reckless and needs to learn to take care of himself and property before being gifted one more car. Unless he is willing to buy/insure the car himself, I'd forget about it!

Anonymous wrote:OP—Update. We will not be buying another car for her. She did try to convince us to use the insurance payout as a down payment on another vehicle and would make the car payments herself. I asked her if she was planning to pay for the insurance as well and got a “deer in the headlights” look. She brought it up again this weekend and I simply said that we’re planning on spending the insurance payout on home upgrades and repairs. We did commit to driving her to/from work when it’s convenient for us, but it is not guaranteed and she needs to arrange it in advance. Otherwise it is Uber/friends.

That’s the way to do it. And for what it’s worth my almost 19-year-old DD has never had her own car it’s always been a combination of borrowing ours, giving her rides, and occasional Uber . It’s really OK.

Anonymous wrote:OP—Update. We will not be buying another car for her. She did try to convince us to use the insurance payout as a down payment on another vehicle and would make the car payments herself. I asked her if she was planning to pay for the insurance as well and got a “deer in the headlights” look. She brought it up again this weekend and I simply said that we’re planning on spending the insurance payout on home upgrades and repairs. We did commit to driving her to/from work when it’s convenient for us, but it is not guaranteed and she needs to arrange it in advance. Otherwise it is Uber/friends.

Good for you, OP.

OP—Update. We will not be buying another car for her. She did try to convince us to use the insurance payout as a down payment on another vehicle and would make the car payments herself. I asked her if she was planning to pay for the insurance as well and got a “deer in the headlights” look. She brought it up again this weekend and I simply said that we’re planning on spending the insurance payout on home upgrades and repairs. We did commit to driving her to/from work when it’s convenient for us, but it is not guaranteed and she needs to arrange it in advance. Otherwise it is Uber/friends.

If the teen is a senior, they are either 18 or close to it. That means they can Uber as well.

No way I'd buy another car for a teen whose second accident was due to texting.

I live in Loudoun too and know the pain of not having any public transportation, and Western Loudoun is even worse.

I think there needs to be another factor in this punishment other than not having a car because that is also going to be a punishment and inconvenience for you as well.

She can spend the money she would have spent on gas and insurance, on Uber/Lyft, and arrange as many rides her parents as she can.

I keep coming back to this thread because I'm just gobsmacked that OP posed this discussion as a "car dilemma."

I'm waiting for her next post:

"My DC was holding a loaded gun and it went off in a room with other people. No one was hurt but she destroyed a lot of property, including the gun. What kind of gun should we get her now?"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have feet and/or a bike?

Problem solved. Time for your DS to realize that actions have consequences, many of which are uncomfortable and/or inconvenient.

We're in the area where you need a car...Western Loudoun.

A teenager doesn't need to go many places. They can use part of their earnings from a summer job to pay for uber or a coworker to pick them up.

They're lucky they didn't kill someone, so a summer that feels a little like jail is reasonable.

How are you and your DH available at all times to make 20 mile round trips with this kid? Is she the only one who works?

If she can get a schedule that's evening and weekends only and neither of you have to rearrange your own lives, maybe that would work. I would give her specific times when it's convenient for you to taxi her and if she can't get those hours, too bad. She can figure something else out.