Anonymous
Post 05/07/2021 12:15     Subject: Issues with his exwife and how he handles her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just able to come back to this. I have only gotten to the 3rd page.

To clarify, I have no desire to blend or get married. None. At least not until they are all out of the nest.

I just want him to stop tiptoeing around her and stand up to her about certain things when she is making issues for no real reason.


So go on a week that he does not have the kids. If he doesn't stand up to her, it is because he does not want to. Not everyone likes to constantly be renegotiating their schedule. It is simpler to just stick to the plan.

Personally I would feel no obligation to be flexible for my ex's girlfriend's travel plans. It's not my problem and it is disruptive to the kids' schedules.


To be clear - we made these plans during a week when she was supposed to have the kids. He reached out to her to confirm the schedule for the month. She is now saying it may not work.

Again, this is not the only thing but just what triggered the post.

Yes I know my issue should be with him, not her. But as an exw who really tries to work with my exh on things and be collaborative, it annoys me to no end.


Well, bummer. He has the ex he has. I doubt he will change.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2021 12:14     Subject: Issues with his exwife and how he handles her
OP - I think this is the classic example of something you cannot change - your BF's ex-wife and their relationship - so stop trying. The only thing you can change is your decision to stay with the guy and try to be flexible or move on.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2021 12:12     Subject: Issues with his exwife and how he handles her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just able to come back to this. I have only gotten to the 3rd page.

To clarify, I have no desire to blend or get married. None. At least not until they are all out of the nest.

I just want him to stop tiptoeing around her and stand up to her about certain things when she is making issues for no real reason.


So go on a week that he does not have the kids. If he doesn't stand up to her, it is because he does not want to. Not everyone likes to constantly be renegotiating their schedule. It is simpler to just stick to the plan.

Personally I would feel no obligation to be flexible for my ex's girlfriend's travel plans. It's not my problem and it is disruptive to the kids' schedules.


To be clear - we made these plans during a week when she was supposed to have the kids. He reached out to her to confirm the schedule for the month. She is now saying it may not work.

Again, this is not the only thing but just what triggered the post.

Yes I know my issue should be with him, not her. But as an exw who really tries to work with my exh on things and be collaborative, it annoys me to no end.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2021 12:06     Subject: Issues with his exwife and how he handles her
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just able to come back to this. I have only gotten to the 3rd page.

To clarify, I have no desire to blend or get married. None. At least not until they are all out of the nest.

I just want him to stop tiptoeing around her and stand up to her about certain things when she is making issues for no real reason.


So go on a week that he does not have the kids. If he doesn't stand up to her, it is because he does not want to. Not everyone likes to constantly be renegotiating their schedule. It is simpler to just stick to the plan.

Personally I would feel no obligation to be flexible for my ex's girlfriend's travel plans. It's not my problem and it is disruptive to the kids' schedules.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2021 11:57     Subject: Re:Issues with his exwife and how he handles her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think it takes a lot of balls to complain about your partners ex wife when you are busy trying to step in and blend HER kids with yours.


+10000



IT's gross and reeks of 'me, me, me!" Very selfish and without a doubt, this woman was the AP--no matter what she says.


Interesting. I read the OP as she was trying to plan a trip alone with her boyfriend. Naturally they would both need to choose dates when their exes would be with their children.

This is a lot of projection on your part.



OP here - this is it.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2021 11:56     Subject: Re:Issues with his exwife and how he handles her
Sounds like you and the ex wife are fighting for who gets to control the poor sucker. Have fun with that.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2021 11:52     Subject: Issues with his exwife and how he handles her
OP here. Just able to come back to this. I have only gotten to the 3rd page.

To clarify, I have no desire to blend or get married. None. At least not until they are all out of the nest.

I just want him to stop tiptoeing around her and stand up to her about certain things when she is making issues for no real reason.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2021 11:40     Subject: Issues with his exwife and how he handles her
Well, you can't change how he acts, or how she acts. So you need to decide if you can change your own reactions to it, or if this is a dealbreaker for you.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2021 10:10     Subject: Issues with his exwife and how he handles her
You said the moving parts in your relationship with your ex are working smoothly. But you aren't considering theirs. I am assuming you picked a date for a vacation that will work for you, your ex, and all three of your kids. And you expect your boyfriend, his ex and each of his three kids to change their schedules to fit.

Do the kids even want to go on this vacation?

If those kids do want to go on this trip, you're being unfair by being inflexible to their schedules. If they're indifferent or don't even want to go, you're being pushy and controlling by asking your boyfriend to make demands.

Why aren't you planning the trip for a time that your boyfriend has the kids?

Anonymous
Post 05/07/2021 10:07     Subject: Re:Issues with his exwife and how he handles her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think it takes a lot of balls to complain about your partners ex wife when you are busy trying to step in and blend HER kids with yours.


+10000



IT's gross and reeks of 'me, me, me!" Very selfish and without a doubt, this woman was the AP--no matter what she says.


Interesting. I read the OP as she was trying to plan a trip alone with her boyfriend. Naturally they would both need to choose dates when their exes would be with their children.

This is a lot of projection on your part.

Anonymous
Post 05/07/2021 09:57     Subject: Re:Issues with his exwife and how he handles her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How young is their youngest child? After the youngest turns 18, it's done.


This, if he's good to you, his kids and your kids tuff it out and just work around her knowing how she is. The kids will be 18 soon enough. We jumped for joy when the youngest turned 18 and the ex could no longer control, bully and make demands. You'll be at the end of the road soon enough where she can no longer dictate things. It feels like a long time off for the youngest but it will happen.


It's hard to imagine that as soon as a child turns 18 they're suddenly free of parental expectations and manipulations.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2021 09:37     Subject: Issues with his exwife and how he handles her
Anonymous wrote:Don't make any plans that don't go by the book of the agreement. Period.

I too have a very flexible, easy custody agreement. We make changes that support our child. it is much better.

For him, we have to go to the divorce agreement every single time, despite the strict rules not being best for the kids. Get used to it.


This is likely the best approach. Make plans according to the schedule and if it's changed, oh well.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2021 09:00     Subject: Issues with his exwife and how he handles her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Depending on how he treated her during the marriage/divorce, her behavior might be understandable.

Men who have a "crazy" ex are sometimes the reason she's crazy.


And sometimes the crazy is the reason she is an ex

This must be op. You sound so "snappy" and immature. Grow up. You are only reinforcing my impression that you are not a responsible parent to your own kids.
His kids and his ex, are clearly his priorities. Sad, that your kids can't say the same about you.


what the....no man should prioritize his EX.


I disagree with this. She's still the parent of his children. I'm married, but if I ever divorce then I would try to prioritize my ex's needs and work together as a team to raise our kids. I could easily see a scenario where the ex plans to take them on certain dates, but then something else comes up and those dates no longer work. Would you really tell your ex that she'll have to miss a big work conference or can't take care of her ailing relative post surgery because your GF wants to force all the teens together for a vacation during that time?

Now that I'm writing it all out, one possibility is that OP's BF doesn't want to plan blended vacations with OP and the 6 kids and may be using his ex's schedule changes as an excuse to dodge it. The kids might be begging him not to make them go too. It would be a jerk move rather than just telling her if this is the case.


I agree with all of this.

Once you have children, their needs come first. Period. So much of the strife is due to emotionally immature adults (like OP) that can't see this. It's all about THEIR happiness, wants and needs.

I highly suggest reading "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents" By Lindsay Gibson.

OP--you will find a lot of yourself in there...and likely your own parents which is why you are the way you are.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2021 08:57     Subject: Re:Issues with his exwife and how he handles her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think it takes a lot of balls to complain about your partners ex wife when you are busy trying to step in and blend HER kids with yours.


+10000



IT's gross and reeks of 'me, me, me!" Very selfish and without a doubt, this woman was the AP--no matter what she says.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2021 08:56     Subject: Re:Issues with his exwife and how he handles her
Anonymous wrote:Yep! I’ll do anything for my kids because I love them. What I will not do is change my parenting time to accommodate some trip my ex husbands girlfriend wants to take that would mean my kids go on an uncomfortable vacation with his new side pieces brood of teens.


HA!! Seriously.