Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP. I'm 46, 5'3", athletic build. I've always been a size 4-6, ranging from 125 to 140 pounds. In the past couple of years, I've grown to a 6-8, about 140-150. I fretted over it for awhile, tried keto, tried intermittent fasting, and found that I had to eat basically nothing but lean protein and vegetables to get under 140 and be a 6. Meanwhile, I can eat and drink what I want and stay under 150 and be an 8. So, I bought some new clothes and decided to stop worrying about it. I don't want to spend all my time thinking about my size and weight. The main thing I want to change is my activity level. Prior to Covid my exercise consisted of weight lifting and going out dancing. I haven't been able to do any of that in a long time and either don't enjoy or can't do other things. So I'm hoping to get more active again. Otherwise, I'm done worrying about my body.

You are going to be enormous. It creeps up on you. You are 46. At 53 and beyond, it will take a lot more to even stay between 140 and 150.

I don't understand why you are so upset that your Dr told you to lose 10 lbs to bring your BMI within normal range. That is pretty standard advice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the last two PPs: isn’t that serious all or nothing thinking? Do you think there’s nothing between morbid obesity and restrictive dieting? I’m very fit and strong, and can physically do whatever I want, but I’m also not skinny. It sounds like there are a lot of us in that camp: not much benefit to starving ourselves to lose 10 pounds, given that we don’t really need to lose them other than to meet some absurd ideal.

NP. The real black and white thinking here is believing that losing ten pounds means you will have to starve yourself and live the rest of your life deprived of the pleasures of food.

Maybe a more realistic option is to move/exercise more, rather than go about this via food restriction.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't choose "quality of life" if my doctor had specifically advised losing ten pounds, no. I would listen to the doctor who both knows your body and the medical guidelines.

The idea that a doctor, who OP probably sees once a year, “knows her body” is ludicrous. No one knows one’s body better than oneself. These doctors are using cookie-cutter metrics, which were never meant to be applied at the individual level, to advise on weight, something that most doctors really know very little about.

Doctor has examined OP - none of us has. And this is a doctor OP has a preexisting relationship with. That shouldn't be discounted.

Find a new doctor. If your labs are good (heart health, cholesterol in check), and you feel healthy, then focus on those things rather than the number on the scale. Can you run a mile? Can you lift heavy weights? Can you go on a bike ride with your kids? Do you sleep well and feel rested when you wake up? THOSE are the things that matter, not whether you weight 160 or 140.

Last thing from me. I have lost over 100 lbs more than once. I was asked to do promotions for Weight Watchers - Oprah's producers called me. I won national awards for a different weight loss group I was in.

For those scoffing at all the stuff I wrote, you would have been holding me up as a model of "if she can do it, so can you!" For so many years of my life. It was damaging as hell, and I now know that isn't a weakness in me. That is literally what peer reviewed science shows will happen to most people.

I just opened up Facebook and Tracy Brown, RD popped up. She is one I would recommend following. Once you fall in with a few good people, you start getting recommendations for others.


If anyone is interested in the intersectionality of body freedom and things like racism, sexism, ableism, I highly recommend Sonya Renee Taylor. I had never seen it in that light before, and lots of people scoff at intersectional concepts anyway. But once you get it, you can't unsee it. Bodies are marginalized because they are Black, or have disabilities, or are female, or are Trans, etc etc. The policing of the body contributes to that.

I am NOT comparing being fat with being Black in terms of marginalization. No one is shooting a fat white woman at a traffic stop. I am saying that as long as bodies are ranked on a hierarchy, the groups that are marginalized will continue to suffer because of it. And you would be shocked (or maybe not) at the stats on how body size impacts people's opportunities in life, and how much worse it is for women vs men, BIPOC vs white people, etc. People think "Well, you can change your body size." Yep, there is lots of information on how to actively change it. And there is almost NO proof you can keep it changed. I have been stunned by the research on this. Asking someone to lose weight is not that big of a task. Asking stay at that smaller body size for 5 or more years is virtually impossible. It is on par with asking someone to change their height meaningfully through stretching exercises. I know that sounds ludicrous. It is true though. We know how to lose weight. There is no scientific evidence we can keep it off. And there is lots of scientific evidence that attempting to do so ends up with people at larger and larger body sizes, negative impacts from losing and gaining weight, worse physical and mental health, and social isolation. It is net negative to push dieting on people.

Christy Harrison is another good one to follow. She lays out a lot of this science, which is truly mind boggling that "common sense" is at odds with what the science shows.

I can't read the stuff that I am certain is in this thread, but yes, I have OP. I found a dietician (covered by my insurance!) that is trained in the official Intutitive Eating framework. Not the made up twisted versions you see on social media. I met with her weekly, then started moving down and down until it is about once every 3 months.

After 25 years of dieting and being in a very bad weight yo yo cycle, I can't tell you how freeing it has been. Is it perfect? No. And I had a LOT of anxiety and stress in the beginning. I'd cry in my appointments. I tried to apply a control and diet framework to everything. I had to seek out some counseling that was aligned with what I was trying to do.

I'm about 16 months into it now and it is a lot better. I spend so much less time and mental energy on food. I actually get to enjoy eating, and it also makes foods lose their power over me. I'm amazed how long some foods I used to binge on (when off a diet) can sit in my house.

Physically, my blood work number are great. Better than when I was thinner. It is amazing what stress will do to you. My bathroom "situation" has also gotten incredibly regular which I seriously thought my body wasn't capable of. I used to struggle so bad with that. It is one of the things that has given me hope through the process that the promises are true that the body will set in to the right spot for me if given the care it needs.

I have gained weight, and that has been hard, not going to lie. But my dietician and doctor are both fine with it. I do not get rid of bigger or smaller clothes currently, because I want to be open to my body fluctuating. I do move them to a different rack (or into bins) as they don't fit either direction, because having clothes that feel good on my body and not a closet full of things I can't wear has been CRUCIAL for my mental health.

Being fat is not what was making me miserable. Wishing I was thin is what made me miserable. And it still comes up ALL THE TIME. And society is toxic about that idea, and you have to shield yourself from that. And people will say "oooo, you'll be miserable when you get diabetes." But like I said... my numbers are better than before! Disconnecting body size and health is a really difficult road. Unlearning the "truth" about calories in/calories out is like cult deprogramming. I didn't even understand how I could unlearn it when I could look at any food and know the calories down to the serving size... and eyeball a serving size within a few grams when I put it on the scale.

I don't think people should just "throw caution to the wind" and start eating whatever they want. That is more like a swing of the pendulum to the other side, sort of an over reaction. But I do think working with professionals to take the shame and pressure our of food has been an amazing change in my life, without it feeling like I was just avoiding the topic. I've done a lot of hard work around food and exercise in the last 16 months. It just isn't about control, which is what all my past efforts on those topics were about.

I won't be reading responses because there is so much misinformation out there. But food and body freedom are out there and are real. Lots of great resources to start on Instagram but BEWARE of people turning it into a diet. I recommend only following licensed professionals like Dieticians certified by Triboli's Intuitive Eating or Bacon's Body Respect. I also like the work by Ellyn Satter Institute. It is a little old looking and initially seems geared at kids, but it is about a healthy relationship with food overall and a couple of the books are relevant to adults. It also can help untangle some of the messed up things that happened as a kid that got you into a control cycle with food. They have a blog and you'll know quickly if the ideas resonate with you.

Best wishes.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't choose "quality of life" if my doctor had specifically advised losing ten pounds, no. I would listen to the doctor who both knows your body and the medical guidelines.

The idea that a doctor, who OP probably sees once a year, “knows her body” is ludicrous. No one knows one’s body better than oneself. These doctors are using cookie-cutter metrics, which were never meant to be applied at the individual level, to advise on weight, something that most doctors really know very little about.

Just for context, I saw my friend today, who is 47yo, 5'9. She said she works to keep her weight under 140 lbs. Like me she is black and does not have a "delicate" build.

I wouldn't choose "quality of life" if my doctor had specifically advised losing ten pounds, no. I would listen to the doctor who both knows your body and the medical guidelines.

Being fat, which isn’t necessarily 5’7” and 155lbs, isn’t what I’d call quality of life. There is more than just weight too. What’s your cardio like?

Plus no matter what some people want to push, fat people, especially fat women, will always receive less respect. So consider the impact of that on life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. All these responses are so interesting, and I agree iwth so many of them. I do think I need a new doctor because I have put off going to see her for my yearly checkup bc I know she's just going to harp on the 10 lbs and the BMI, which again, I think is but a part of overall health. And I agree here with so many of you - if I were obese or had chronic health isssues - OR if I wasn't already doing what I find sustainable and healthy (eating generally well and moving my body), I think I'd revisit my thoughts. But I am doing those things and because I am, and becuase I know the amount of effort involved in losing a 10 lbs that I could benefit from losing but don't have to lose, it isn't worth it to me.

But I like all the thoughts about small weight gain over the years and how that adds up, and I also like the reminders about doing all of these things not just for me but for my family, so that I can participate in things as I and they get older.

The point is, you want to be in your ideal BMI range to prevent medical problems, not to cure them. You Dr is doing her job, which is to recommend to you to lose 10 lbs, to being your BMI within healthy/normal range. She would be a negligent Dr to not bring this to your attention and recommend it. She doesn't know the ins and outs of your lifestyle, diet, how hard/easy it is for you to make changes to lose weight. It is just a what she is recommending for you to do to optimize your health. If you don't want to or don't feel you need to because of specifics, that is fine too. I think you are taking this way to personally.

+1 for taking it personally. If the doctor is framing it from a clinical perspective, it's not about YOU AS A PERSON but about the numbers on the chart. I mean, if she's poking you in the gut while saying all this, that's a different story. But if she instead told you to clean your ears out more to prevent an ear infection or to exercise more to improve your heart health, would you still put off seeing her?

Regardless, you should still find a new doctor and start fresh, but make sure you aren't perceiving advice as an insult unintentionally.

Anonymous wrote:Another one who watches what I eat to improve quality of life, not the opposite, due to a variety of chronic health issues. To think watching what you eat is about wearing a size 4 vs an 8 is to live in a very lucky good health bubble. I am so grateful for the ways good nutrition improves my quality of life!

I mean, sure. It absolutely is. I think the point many of us are making is that losing weight is more than "watching what you eat" and requires a level of restriction that is unhealthy in its own way. I'm not talking about people who are morbidly obese, either, just those who are not skinny, but of average weight.

It's also lucky if you can just, say, cut out a few foods that you don't really miss and drop 10 pounds with no other changes to diet and exercise. I'm also grateful for all that good nutrition affords me, but when "good nutrition" starts to look the way many women on here describe their eating habits, it crosses over into eating disorder territory, IMO.

Another one who watches what I eat to improve quality of life, not the opposite, due to a variety of chronic health issues. To think watching what you eat is about wearing a size 4 vs an 8 is to live in a very lucky good health bubble. I am so grateful for the ways good nutrition improves my quality of life!