Anonymous wrote:OP here: the situation around our 2nd home has escalated to a point where EVERYONE is now involved. Including relatives we haven't even heard from for years. Bottom line is: no means no. It's ok to stay for a long weekend but to live at our place for months, rent free is not OK. You are exhausted? Imagine that, so are we. You don't have the RIGHT to STAKE A CLAIM TO SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU.

Wait these extended relatives are contacting you pleading the SIL’s case? Are there additional circumstances here that haven’t been added such as she will be without housing this summer or lost her job? Just trying to understand why these other relatives want to be involved in making her case?

I think her request is rude and an automatic no. I think it’s nice that you are open to inviting family for the weekend, although adding SIL and 4 kids seems like a tight squeeze even for a few days. It’s weird to me that people presume to be able to use your home. Especially since you spent much of last year there and I would assume you would this Summer as well.

OP here: the situation around our 2nd home has escalated to a point where EVERYONE is now involved. Including relatives we haven't even heard from for years. Bottom line is: no means no. It's ok to stay for a long weekend but to live at our place for months, rent free is not OK. You are exhausted? Imagine that, so are we. You don't have the RIGHT to STAKE A CLAIM TO SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU.

I do have a second (small) home (beach house) and I've offered use of it to all my siblings. My ex brother in law will be at the beach this summer and I offered him the use of all my water sports equipment. (He rents a large mansion with like ten friends). I don't mind any friend or family asking me if they can use it when I am not there.

That said, it is COMPLETELY inappropriate for entitled people to ask you to stay there for THREE MONTHS? That is insane. With dogs? I own two dogs, and no, no, no.

To a PP who posted, I would be fine with "hey remember when you asked us if we wanted to use the house?". The owner has indicated to you that you have a relationship that includes this kind of sharing. And it's very different than asking for months or weeks at a time. And it's very different from pushing if the owner has demurred in some way.

And I don't mind if friends and relatives want to swim, use my dock, use my fish cleaning station, whatever. But like another pp said, if the owner says "please text me if you are going to swim" then you do not get an attitude about it. Goodness.

It's sad that you have to say it, but you just say no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is something else going on?

Because if we had a second home, we would let friends and family use it when we weren't there, and if we knew they wouldn't trash it. Two very important criteria! For us it's not that anyone contributed or not (what a strange thought!), what's important is that they don't damage the house or furnishings. So if the dog is going to scratch up the floors, then no. If the kids are going to smear stuff on the walls, then no. But if it's a nice family who will clean up after themselves, then why not? It's the nice thing to do, pandemic or no pandemic.

If you really want to stick it to them, you could ask for a donation for upkeep or something...

So what. That’s your choice and preference and set up. We do the opposite. We have another house but do not let others use it when we are not there.

It’s up to the owner.

We can give you 50 years of reasons what can happen when others use your property.

The previous previous poster doesn’t actually own a second property to be watching it get misused, abused, run down and taken advantage of.

Anonymous wrote:Noooooo. FIL spent his retirement repairing modest summer house that was continually abused by family. They trashed it and offered nothing. It’s one of several reasons I am loathe to invest in a lake retirement home. DH thinks listing it on air B and B will mean family can rent like everyone else. I still think we’ll be fighting off what you describe. Say no.

Same here.
My MiL put her foot down and when it was their turn to buy or make a summer place in Turkey she picked a place hours from the grandparents and the year round homes. Fat lazy uncles still try to stay there for weeks during high seasons but they’ve successfully limited visits to only when they are there and I other guests. It is a small townhome on an inlet anyhow. But no cousins, in laws, friends, etc.

They’ve had enough issues with their adult kids not locking it up properly or winterizing it and animals get in, rain, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is something else going on?

Because if we had a second home, we would let friends and family use it when we weren't there, and if we knew they wouldn't trash it. Two very important criteria! For us it's not that anyone contributed or not (what a strange thought!), what's important is that they don't damage the house or furnishings. So if the dog is going to scratch up the floors, then no. If the kids are going to smear stuff on the walls, then no. But if it's a nice family who will clean up after themselves, then why not? It's the nice thing to do, pandemic or no pandemic.

If you really want to stick it to them, you could ask for a donation for upkeep or something...

You negated your entire post with that phrase, and you sound like a user yourself. Hard pass.

Pp you replied to. We're an immigrant family who sends money overseas to relatives we've never even met, PP, because they didn't get the opportunity to leave the home country. So we don't have a second home, but we do believe in helping family. If some relatives are obnoxious or irresponsible, of course, that's another story, like I said, but if they're nice enough, why not be kind? Why do people have such a grasping, me-me-me mentality?

We have lots of immigrant friends who are constantly hit up for increasing amounts of money for all sorts of people, stories, urgent needs, new degree programs, etc. The people in the homeland think money grows in trees in America and the roads are paved with gold. Black market jobs (or W2 reported income jobs) cash remittances to India, Pakistan, Central America are in the billions per year. Huge % of those countries’ annual GDP. They can’t allow that to stop. Economic migration and wage arbitrage is their American dream. And the money asks won’t stop.

Anonymous wrote:Is something else going on?

Because if we had a second home, we would let friends and family use it when we weren't there, and if we knew they wouldn't trash it. Two very important criteria! For us it's not that anyone contributed or not (what a strange thought!), what's important is that they don't damage the house or furnishings. So if the dog is going to scratch up the floors, then no. If the kids are going to smear stuff on the walls, then no. But if it's a nice family who will clean up after themselves, then why not? It's the nice thing to do, pandemic or no pandemic.

If you really want to stick it to them, you could ask for a donation for upkeep or something...

So what. That’s your choice and preference and set up. We do the opposite. We have another house but do not let others use it when we are not there.

It’s up to the owner.

We can give you 50 years of reasons what can happen when others use your property.