Anonymous
Post 02/21/2021 21:12     Subject: I overstepped. What now?
Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of laughing because my MIL tried this. I have no idea what she told people, but we decided the guest list and some of her friends weren't on it. Knowing her as I do now she probably blamed it on me or my parents.

Op she also tried the "but they supported him growing up!" along with how disappointed they would be, etc. She also offered to pay.

Apologize for speaking out of turn, and figure out how to back pedal. AND... learn from this. Figure out now that you don't get to run roughshod over any of their plans.


My in laws tried this too. I don’t discuss money so I think they didn’t even realize that dh and I paid for it ourselves. They blamed my parents. And at $180 a person, we couldn’t afford their friends or 2nd cousins or great uncles we’d never met. We dated for a long time before marriage and if I hadn’t met people, they weren’t invited. They gave us a huge guest list of basically everyone from their church and neighborhood. No way.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2021 21:00     Subject: I overstepped. What now?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They don't WANT your friends at THEIR wedding. Those are YOUR friends, not theirs. So no, don't offer to pay for your extra friends.

Just don't bring it up again to anyone and if any of the friends who WON'T be invited bring it up, just lie and tell them that after the bride & groom finalized their wedding budget they are having a very small, intimate wedding.


OP here. But again, they'll be able to see with their own eyes from the photos and from Facebook and from the invites couples that this is just not true! It's a close circle and they'll know from the new who are invited that it isn't small or family-only.


Crazy idea here...what if you let your son invite the couples he feels closest to since this day is about him not you?


They have ALL supported him and been part of our family over the years. This is a very close circle.


So let your son choose.

I highly doubt your son feels equally close to all of your 7 couple friends.

Anonymous
Post 02/21/2021 20:56     Subject: I overstepped. What now?
Anonymous wrote:Troll post to the max. It’s really obvious when the OP starts defending herself and doubling down with additional information to support her view. No one is that obtuse.


Sadly yes, some are.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2021 20:55     Subject: I overstepped. What now?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They don't WANT your friends at THEIR wedding. Those are YOUR friends, not theirs. So no, don't offer to pay for your extra friends.

Just don't bring it up again to anyone and if any of the friends who WON'T be invited bring it up, just lie and tell them that after the bride & groom finalized their wedding budget they are having a very small, intimate wedding.


OP here. But again, they'll be able to see with their own eyes from the photos and from Facebook and from the invites couples that this is just not true! It's a close circle and they'll know from the new who are invited that it isn't small or family-only.


OP, you still don’t get it. This isn’t your party. It’s your son’s and daughter in law’s wedding. They will invite their close friends and their family. You overstepped, so you need to apologize to your friends and tell them you’re not in charge of the guest list — you just got too excited! If you can’t handle talking to your lifelong friends about your faux pas, imagine how much harder it will be for your son to talk to his fiancé AND future inlaws about how his mom is socially crazy and he still can’t stand up to her.

Anonymous
Post 02/21/2021 20:54     Subject: I overstepped. What now?
I'm kind of laughing because my MIL tried this. I have no idea what she told people, but we decided the guest list and some of her friends weren't on it. Knowing her as I do now she probably blamed it on me or my parents.

Op she also tried the "but they supported him growing up!" along with how disappointed they would be, etc. She also offered to pay.

Apologize for speaking out of turn, and figure out how to back pedal. AND... learn from this. Figure out now that you don't get to run roughshod over any of their plans.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2021 20:51     Subject: I overstepped. What now?
Anonymous wrote:Troll post to the max. It’s really obvious when the OP starts defending herself and doubling down with additional information to support her view. No one is that obtuse.

It is hard to tell if that thread is legitimate but at the very least I think the OP has changed some details. At worst, the entire thing could be made up. I don't recognize the poster as a previous poster.

This is what Jeff said after I asked him if OP was the poster that likes to switch roles and pretend she is the "other." I am pretty sure op is a troll, bcs she is trying to prolong the thread with, I did wrong, but....That is what pretend I am a MIL or ILS op does a lot, it is pretty similar.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2021 20:42     Subject: I overstepped. What now?
Have they received an invitation? If not, they aren't invited. You don't need to uninvite.

Just say "I got excited, I don't actually know who is on the guest list."
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2021 20:40     Subject: I overstepped. What now?
Basically, OP, this was going to be a problem no matter what since you have more close friends than you are allowed to invite.

I would tell your "group" that son and DIL have said only X number, no matter what. There will be no exceptions. So you don't know what to do. Names in a hat, just one per couple. I have no idea, but you can let them know you want them all, but it can't be.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2021 20:36     Subject: I overstepped. What now?
Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Can I offer to pay for a few extra couples?


Unfortunately no. You overstepped. You are in a predicament with your friends, but that is not something that should in any way cause a problem for your son on his wedding day. And if as a result you can have NONE of your friends, since you believe you can't uninvited anyone, then again, this is on you. Being excited is no excuse. You are an adult and should have acted like a responsible one.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2021 20:32     Subject: I overstepped. What now?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Even if my in laws paid I didn’t want their friends at my wedding. It was family only and our best friends who were in bridal party.

I would tell your friends that the guest list is finalized and it looks like it will likely be family only.


But they will see it won't be with pictures and everything! It's not family only. If it were family only, it wouldn't be this difficult. I'm trying to fix this, but I cannot lie and say family only when clearly it won't be.


"It isn't my place to invite anyone. Son and DIL to be will decide the guest list."
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2021 20:23     Subject: I overstepped. What now?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Can I offer to pay for a few extra couples?


NO. It's not your party. What part of this do you not understand?


I hear you. Thank you. I do understand. I just don't know how I'm going to uninvite lifelong friends. I know I made a mistake. I don't know how I choose the couples to uninvite. We're a circle and word will get out. I do know this is my fault.


You didn't invite anyone, because it's not your party to invite people to. You tell them that you made a mistake, and you let the couple getting married decide who they want to invite.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2021 19:55     Subject: I overstepped. What now?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not everyone accepts a wedding invitation. There’s a good chance that if you invite all seven, at least two of them won’t be able to attend. That would completely solve your problem.

Also, will you be hosting a rehearsal dinner? You could invite whomever you want to that. Yes, it’s usually just the wedding party, but today people invite lots of people to that event.

The bride’s family will host the wedding reception and can control that guest list, but if you are hosting the rehearsal dinner, you can control that guest list.

Or, just have a big party at your home or venue of your choice to celebrate the love of your son and his fiancée.


It is shocking how many of you are unfamiliar with basic wedding etiquette. YOu don't invite people who are not invited to the actual wedding and reception to wedding-related events! It's a gift grab, and it highlights that they didn't "make the cut." Wow.


Bwahahaha!
Do you hear how ridiculous you sound?

"basic wedding etiquette" 🤣

Take the stick out of your ass, because all of that untreated anxiety that you're struggling with is terrible for your health.


You’re simply ignorant and lack basic manners:
https://www.brides.com/story/who-gets-invited-to-your-bridal-shower
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2021 19:35     Subject: I overstepped. What now?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Can I offer to pay for a few extra couples?


NO. It's not your party. What part of this do you not understand?


I hear you. Thank you. I do understand. I just don't know how I'm going to uninvite lifelong friends. I know I made a mistake. I don't know how I choose the couples to uninvite. We're a circle and word will get out. I do know this is my fault.


But this isn’t your wedding. It’s not your son and daughter-in-law‘s lifelong friends, their yours. How large is this wedding?
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2021 19:31     Subject: I overstepped. What now?
Why aren't you paying for half the wedding?
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2021 19:26     Subject: I overstepped. What now?
Troll post to the max. It’s really obvious when the OP starts defending herself and doubling down with additional information to support her view. No one is that obtuse.