Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey Jane. Sorry to hear you are divorcing. I know how hard it can be. It was particularly hurtful when my former friends dumped me. Hope your friends treat you better than mine did. Best of luck.

Love this so much.

+2

+3

I'd write some version of this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry, was in Zoom Hell after I posted earlier.

To explain the background, I'd say it was pretty clear they wanted nothing more to do with me. We (three women aside from me) got together every couple of months prior to my divorce (and more frequently prior to us all having babies), and on the group email where they were arranging the next meeting and "accidentally" included me, one of them said something like, "Do we still have to include (OP)?" The others chimed in that they were fine with ghosting me, basically. One said that she didn't want that sadness around while she was trying to get pregnant again. One of the others always thought that other women were after her husband, so I guess she thought I was now a threat? Neither of these are the woman who texted me, though.

The PPs who discussed the various reasons that people shun their divorcing/divorced friend covered it well. I didn't respond to the group email (and they did not reply either, so I think they realized they'd included me and took the conversation elsewhere) but I reached out to them individually (text and a voicemail), and it was just radio silence, so I gave up.

I haven't responded to her yet. I want to sleep on it, but I'm definitely not going to be her divorce doula. (Thank you, PP, for this phrase - amazing!)

This is awful, OP. I’m sorry they treated you this way.

Keep us posted on what you decide. Whether you want to call her out, send a bare minimum response or ignore it, you are in the right.

Good luck!

Oof. Yeah, you don't owe these folks any energy whatsoever, unless you want to dish snark at them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, don't set yourself up for disappointment.

She seems the kind of person who only contacted you because she needs you. She was not there when you needed her. Therefore once you will give her what she needs from you now: support and information, she will say goodbye again.

This. I learned this the hard way.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry, was in Zoom Hell after I posted earlier.

To explain the background, I'd say it was pretty clear they wanted nothing more to do with me. We (three women aside from me) got together every couple of months prior to my divorce (and more frequently prior to us all having babies), and on the group email where they were arranging the next meeting and "accidentally" included me, one of them said something like, "Do we still have to include (OP)?" The others chimed in that they were fine with ghosting me, basically. One said that she didn't want that sadness around while she was trying to get pregnant again. One of the others always thought that other women were after her husband, so I guess she thought I was now a threat? Neither of these are the woman who texted me, though.

The PPs who discussed the various reasons that people shun their divorcing/divorced friend covered it well. I didn't respond to the group email (and they did not reply either, so I think they realized they'd included me and took the conversation elsewhere) but I reached out to them individually (text and a voicemail), and it was just radio silence, so I gave up.

I haven't responded to her yet. I want to sleep on it, but I'm definitely not going to be her divorce doula. (Thank you, PP, for this phrase - amazing!)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry, was in Zoom Hell after I posted earlier.

To explain the background, I'd say it was pretty clear they wanted nothing more to do with me. We (three women aside from me) got together every couple of months prior to my divorce (and more frequently prior to us all having babies), and on the group email where they were arranging the next meeting and "accidentally" included me, one of them said something like, "Do we still have to include (OP)?" The others chimed in that they were fine with ghosting me, basically. One said that she didn't want that sadness around while she was trying to get pregnant again. One of the others always thought that other women were after her husband, so I guess she thought I was now a threat? Neither of these are the woman who texted me, though.

The PPs who discussed the various reasons that people shun their divorcing/divorced friend covered it well. I didn't respond to the group email (and they did not reply either, so I think they realized they'd included me and took the conversation elsewhere) but I reached out to them individually (text and a voicemail), and it was just radio silence, so I gave up.

I haven't responded to her yet. I want to sleep on it, but I'm definitely not going to be her divorce doula. (Thank you, PP, for this phrase - amazing!)

My God. No, you say, "I'm sorry to hear you are divorcing. I know how hard it can be. The most difficult part is how it often seems to end friendships, right when you need them the most. It is a very painful adjustment, but I'm sure you'll make it through. Best of luck to you! XOXO Larla

This. This is perfect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry, was in Zoom Hell after I posted earlier.

To explain the background, I'd say it was pretty clear they wanted nothing more to do with me. We (three women aside from me) got together every couple of months prior to my divorce (and more frequently prior to us all having babies), and on the group email where they were arranging the next meeting and "accidentally" included me, one of them said something like, "Do we still have to include (OP)?" The others chimed in that they were fine with ghosting me, basically. One said that she didn't want that sadness around while she was trying to get pregnant again. One of the others always thought that other women were after her husband, so I guess she thought I was now a threat? Neither of these are the woman who texted me, though.

The PPs who discussed the various reasons that people shun their divorcing/divorced friend covered it well. I didn't respond to the group email (and they did not reply either, so I think they realized they'd included me and took the conversation elsewhere) but I reached out to them individually (text and a voicemail), and it was just radio silence, so I gave up.

I haven't responded to her yet. I want to sleep on it, but I'm definitely not going to be her divorce doula. (Thank you, PP, for this phrase - amazing!)

My God. No, you say, "I'm sorry to hear you are divorcing. I know how hard it can be. The most difficult part is how it often seems to end friendships, right when you need them the most. It is a very painful adjustment, but I'm sure you'll make it through. Best of luck to you! XOXO Larla

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry, was in Zoom Hell after I posted earlier.

To explain the background, I'd say it was pretty clear they wanted nothing more to do with me. We (three women aside from me) got together every couple of months prior to my divorce (and more frequently prior to us all having babies), and on the group email where they were arranging the next meeting and "accidentally" included me, one of them said something like, "Do we still have to include (OP)?" The others chimed in that they were fine with ghosting me, basically. One said that she didn't want that sadness around while she was trying to get pregnant again. One of the others always thought that other women were after her husband, so I guess she thought I was now a threat? Neither of these are the woman who texted me, though.

The PPs who discussed the various reasons that people shun their divorcing/divorced friend covered it well. I didn't respond to the group email (and they did not reply either, so I think they realized they'd included me and took the conversation elsewhere) but I reached out to them individually (text and a voicemail), and it was just radio silence, so I gave up.

I haven't responded to her yet. I want to sleep on it, but I'm definitely not going to be her divorce doula. (Thank you, PP, for this phrase - amazing!)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry, was in Zoom Hell after I posted earlier.

To explain the background, I'd say it was pretty clear they wanted nothing more to do with me. We (three women aside from me) got together every couple of months prior to my divorce (and more frequently prior to us all having babies), and on the group email where they were arranging the next meeting and "accidentally" included me, one of them said something like, "Do we still have to include (OP)?" The others chimed in that they were fine with ghosting me, basically. One said that she didn't want that sadness around while she was trying to get pregnant again. One of the others always thought that other women were after her husband, so I guess she thought I was now a threat? Neither of these are the woman who texted me, though.

The PPs who discussed the various reasons that people shun their divorcing/divorced friend covered it well. I didn't respond to the group email (and they did not reply either, so I think they realized they'd included me and took the conversation elsewhere) but I reached out to them individually (text and a voicemail), and it was just radio silence, so I gave up.

I haven't responded to her yet. I want to sleep on it, but I'm definitely not going to be her divorce doula. (Thank you, PP, for this phrase - amazing!)

This is awful, OP. I’m sorry they treated you this way.

Keep us posted on what you decide. Whether you want to call her out, send a bare minimum response or ignore it, you are in the right.

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry, was in Zoom Hell after I posted earlier.

To explain the background, I'd say it was pretty clear they wanted nothing more to do with me. We (three women aside from me) got together every couple of months prior to my divorce (and more frequently prior to us all having babies), and on the group email where they were arranging the next meeting and "accidentally" included me, one of them said something like, "Do we still have to include (OP)?" The others chimed in that they were fine with ghosting me, basically. One said that she didn't want that sadness around while she was trying to get pregnant again. One of the others always thought that other women were after her husband, so I guess she thought I was now a threat? Neither of these are the woman who texted me, though.

The PPs who discussed the various reasons that people shun their divorcing/divorced friend covered it well. I didn't respond to the group email (and they did not reply either, so I think they realized they'd included me and took the conversation elsewhere) but I reached out to them individually (text and a voicemail), and it was just radio silence, so I gave up.

I haven't responded to her yet. I want to sleep on it, but I'm definitely not going to be her divorce doula. (Thank you, PP, for this phrase - amazing!)