Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Yuck. The guy sounds creepy. I just asked my nephew who is only in 9th grade and he said most 9th graders would hesitate to date a middle schooler.

Exactly and your nephew is likely only 14/15 himself and more age-appropriate and only a year older than OP's daughter and he's sees the issues. Something is off with this 17 year old.

Exactly! I’m PP and I would not be bothered by my nephew dating an 8th grader but he thinks that’s weird and it further confirms my thought that this is really off for an 11th grader!

What's sad is a child recognizes this but we have adults in this thread trying to justify it.

Some of the posters have lived it. I don't think they are justifying anything. Just offering another point of view you disagree with.

Agree. MS and HS dating no. Dating within HS? Fine. I trust my kids.

I trust my kids, its the other kids I don't trust.

Your kid having sex or not has nothing to do with you trusting them. The legal trouble your kid could be in has nothing to do wit you trusting them.

If they are in Virginia, the 17 year old would be committing statutory rape if he had sex with a 14 year old because he is more than 2 years older. Once over 18, anyone under 18 is off limits.

Anonymous wrote:When I was a (young) freshman, I dated a junior. Two years to the day older than me. My parents were extremely strict but let us date (this was in the 90’s). We ended up together for 6 years through most of college so I’m sympathetic to OP’s daughter. However the middle school factor is the issue for me. I wouldn’t be comfortable with my daughter dating someone in high school when she is in middle school. Same for my son if roles were reversed.

Would you feel the same if she was a 14 yr old freshman dating a 17 yard old junior?

Guess what folks this isn't the 80s or the 90s anymore. Laws have changed and are a lot more strict. Your kid's future could be damned because you think it's cute for a 17/18-year-old to date a 14 year old because you did it in 1992.

When I was a (young) freshman, I dated a junior. Two years to the day older than me. My parents were extremely strict but let us date (this was in the 90’s). We ended up together for 6 years through most of college so I’m sympathetic to OP’s daughter. However the middle school factor is the issue for me. I wouldn’t be comfortable with my daughter dating someone in high school when she is in middle school. Same for my son if roles were reversed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yuck. The guy sounds creepy. I just asked my nephew who is only in 9th grade and he said most 9th graders would hesitate to date a middle schooler.

Exactly and your nephew is likely only 14/15 himself and more age-appropriate and only a year older than OP's daughter and he's sees the issues. Something is off with this 17 year old.

Exactly! I’m PP and I would not be bothered by my nephew dating an 8th grader but he thinks that’s weird and it further confirms my thought that this is really off for an 11th grader!

What's sad is a child recognizes this but we have adults in this thread trying to justify it.

Some of the posters have lived it. I don't think they are justifying anything. Just offering another point of view you disagree with.

Agree. MS and HS dating no. Dating within HS? Fine. I trust my kids.

I trust my kids, its the other kids I don't trust.

smnoyb wrote:My DD is recently 14 in 8th grade and very mature for her age. We've never run into any issues in the past with her lying, but she just told us that she has been dating someone for 2 months. Normally, this would be okay, except for the boy is 17, so that somewhat worries us. The two have been friends for a while, and I have actually met the boy before, and he seemed super nice and respectful, but something about the age difference just makes me uncomfortable. What do you guys think?

Hell, no. That age gap is too big for those particular ages. If he turns 18 than your daughter is a minor and he could be in big trouble if they have sex.

Anonymous wrote:My sister met her husband in high school. She was 15 and he was an 18 year old senior when they started dating. They are happily married with 3 beautiful children.

What's with the "three beautiful children" business. What if they had three ugly children? Would it be a less successful union then?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - there is no easy way to handle this. This was me (albeit many years ago). Good luck.

+1
I dated a 18 year old who had just graduated HS when I was 14. My parents made me take a friend or younger sister with us when we went out.

Your parents failed you.

You're a terrible human being so your parents failed YOU. Or maybe you failed them.

I don't encourage minors to date adults and encourage people to bring younger siblings around adults who date children.

Your parents failed in this situation. Maybe you got out unscathed but you should not be encouraging parents to allow their 14 year olds to date 18 year olds.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - there is no easy way to handle this. This was me (albeit many years ago). Good luck.

+1
I dated a 18 year old who had just graduated HS when I was 14. My parents made me take a friend or younger sister with us when we went out.

Your parents failed you.

You're a terrible human being so your parents failed YOU. Or maybe you failed them.

Not couple not 18, I would get in touch with the other parents. For an ordinary age-gap it's just to introduce yourselves. You have the young man over for dinner. That is often a deal-breaker for a young man. It's a simple thing but they won't do it. They'd rather break-up than do it. Even if the evening was going to be very relaxed, without any kind of pressure. They don't know that and it freaks them out. And it often ends it.

Re other parents, of course you might find parents who won't talk to you, but that wasn't our experience. We were loosely in touch - had each other's cell numbers. We appreciated that they shared info such as parents going out of town, teenager left at home alone.

In your case Op, it's an immediate concern. His family ought to be concerned re: the near-illegality of this relationship, if after a few more monthe, it goes too far.

setting aside the how is this even possible (from a logistical standpoint during a pandemic), I think you should focus on where you are now. she has told you now so it seems likely to me that before now she felt like she could handle the situation/relationship and now she may be seeking some level of guidance/help. it may that she was ready for the relationship up to now, but it may be about to progress to a level she isn't comfortable with. can you talk to her about why she told you now, how she is feeling about the boy, how she is feeling about the relationship, etc. he may in fact be a great kid (see me trying to reserve judgment), but she may just not be ready for things he is ready for, etc. and may on some level want to end the relationship because of that and doesn't know how to do so. if you don't think you can handle this conversation without backing her into a corner, etc. (which, in all honesty, I am not sure I would be able to do so with my 14 year old), can you suggest having her do 1-2 sessions with a counselor? again, I would couch it as -- checking in with an adult you can trust, but who won't necessarily have the same automatically negative reactions that you may have . . . just an idea. This is a tough situation. I would not be comfortable with the middle school to high school gap, but unfortunately given where you are, I am not sure automatically ending things through parental intervention gets you to the healthiest long term outcome . . .

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - there is no easy way to handle this. This was me (albeit many years ago). Good luck.

+1
I dated a 18 year old who had just graduated HS when I was 14. My parents made me take a friend or younger sister with us when we went out.

Your parents failed you.

I would tell his parents. I would want to know if my 17 year old was dating a 14 year old.

We would be having a long talk.


No way would he be throwing away college and his future with potential legal trouble.


Talk to them, they'll end it for you.

Anonymous wrote:OP - there is no easy way to handle this. This was me (albeit many years ago). Good luck.

+1
I dated a 18 year old who had just graduated HS when I was 14. My parents made me take a friend or younger sister with us when we went out.