Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s less than my ex-DH pays. We have a 60/40 schedule in VA and he pays 2900 a month. One kid.

I think it’s a pretty average amount.

That's not an average amount for one child. Average is probably $400-600, maybe 800, especially with a custody share like yours. Yours just means your ex/dad is a very high earner and is subsidizing your lifestyle.

$400 doesn’t even cover one week of childcare...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha! Mine pays 1200 for two kids, he makes 7 figures. It bothers me once in awhile, like when he goes to the Alps for a ski trip with his new family, but mostly I’m just glad he’s out of the picture. I make a decent living now, there were years of struggle and the stepmom, if you can call her that, is apparently quite bitter about it.

File for a modification if he makes millions. Ask him to take the kids on trips.

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Anonymous wrote:2400/month is literally less than 20% of his income. You sound heartless.

Remember Dad pays taxes on his income, and probably provides the health care and more. Mom gets all that money tax free. $2400 is more than most people spend on their kids. Is more than some people earn in a month. Its a lot of money. We spend a lot on our child and don't even come close to that if you average it out over a year (except maybe if you include college savings).

-.+100 the file support we paid for one was much more than the amount we paid for two in our house ( including health insurance, share of utilities and food etc, not just direct kid costs). All while the ex lies about where money and activities came from and never went back to work. I could go on with more... 🙄

We had all kinds of drama. Ex demanded we pay for her health insurance even though kid had always been on Dad's since birth but she didn't want to use it. Dad was ordered to provide insurance. She ended up dropping her insurance and putting him on medicaid as we got a call from medicaid demanding we reimburse them (which we refused as we had insurance for him and they should have done their homework). She'd demand he pay extra for activities and then the kids wouldn't participate. We finally caught on and said tell us where to send the money (company or school) and we'll send it directly and tell us where we buy the uniform/shoes or what ever was needed and sizes and we'll ship it directly to the house. But, hey, no one here wants to hear the other side. And, the braces... we agreed to pay 1/2 per the court order after insurance directly to the orthotist and she refused to use the child support money to pay her half so kid never got them till an adult. They should make people who get child support file yearly like they do with guardianship or social security rep. payee to prove the money is spend on the individual receiving it.

As a parent, the food costs are nominal for an extra kid. Our housing and utility costs are the same. Our big expenses are private lessons and sports and camps (but all of those are optional and I could pick much cheaper ways of doing it). Even so, its not $2000+ a month even with a sleep away camp for a week.

Bologna.

How is it bologna? We bought a house before we had a child. So, same cost as before as we needed a place to live. We see no difference in utility bills. And, food isn't that much and mine are older. So, what other expense are there except activities? Those are optional. And, clothing but I shop clearance so usually the cost is minimal. And, transportation? We have the same cars and would regardless of a child. Many inflate the cost of kids.

"WE" so you are married? If you weren't married would you have been able to afford the same home? For most people, no. I don't understand how so many people are this dense. Divorce changes everything. For people saying children shouldn't have their own rooms (even teenagers?!) I mean you are trying to fit your arguments into size 0 pants.

You know housing costs more for children. You know food costs more. My 11 year old eats more than I do and has since he was 8! Healthcare costs more - mine happens to have a not-compatible-with life condition. He goes through pants and shoes every 6 months whether by wear or fit. Please don't sit here and patronize single parents.

Yes, I could afford the house. It’s a small, very small house. It would cost me more to get an apartment vs my mortgage. You and I make very different life choices. My preteen boys sneakers are $15-25 for Adidas or what ever I find. I buy a few sizes up. If you choose to spend more, good for you but that is on you and don’t act like it cannot be done for cheaper. If your kid wears out their stuff that quickly you need to work with him on that.

You have income and child support. It’s not just Dads responsibility to financially pay for everything.

Being single is marital status. Your kid has two parents and if you are getting child support stop or ending like you pay for everything. You don’t. If you choose to restrict visitation again that is on you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2400/month is literally less than 20% of his income. You sound heartless.

Remember Dad pays taxes on his income, and probably provides the health care and more. Mom gets all that money tax free. $2400 is more than most people spend on their kids. Is more than some people earn in a month. Its a lot of money. We spend a lot on our child and don't even come close to that if you average it out over a year (except maybe if you include college savings).

-.+100 the file support we paid for one was much more than the amount we paid for two in our house ( including health insurance, share of utilities and food etc, not just direct kid costs). All while the ex lies about where money and activities came from and never went back to work. I could go on with more... 🙄

We had all kinds of drama. Ex demanded we pay for her health insurance even though kid had always been on Dad's since birth but she didn't want to use it. Dad was ordered to provide insurance. She ended up dropping her insurance and putting him on medicaid as we got a call from medicaid demanding we reimburse them (which we refused as we had insurance for him and they should have done their homework). She'd demand he pay extra for activities and then the kids wouldn't participate. We finally caught on and said tell us where to send the money (company or school) and we'll send it directly and tell us where we buy the uniform/shoes or what ever was needed and sizes and we'll ship it directly to the house. But, hey, no one here wants to hear the other side. And, the braces... we agreed to pay 1/2 per the court order after insurance directly to the orthotist and she refused to use the child support money to pay her half so kid never got them till an adult. They should make people who get child support file yearly like they do with guardianship or social security rep. payee to prove the money is spend on the individual receiving it.

As a parent, the food costs are nominal for an extra kid. Our housing and utility costs are the same. Our big expenses are private lessons and sports and camps (but all of those are optional and I could pick much cheaper ways of doing it). Even so, its not $2000+ a month even with a sleep away camp for a week.

Bologna.

How is it bologna? We bought a house before we had a child. So, same cost as before as we needed a place to live. We see no difference in utility bills. And, food isn't that much and mine are older. So, what other expense are there except activities? Those are optional. And, clothing but I shop clearance so usually the cost is minimal. And, transportation? We have the same cars and would regardless of a child. Many inflate the cost of kids.

"WE" so you are married? If you weren't married would you have been able to afford the same home? For most people, no. I don't understand how so many people are this dense. Divorce changes everything. For people saying children shouldn't have their own rooms (even teenagers?!) I mean you are trying to fit your arguments into size 0 pants.

You know housing costs more for children. You know food costs more. My 11 year old eats more than I do and has since he was 8! Healthcare costs more - mine happens to have a not-compatible-with life condition. He goes through pants and shoes every 6 months whether by wear or fit. Please don't sit here and patronize single parents.

Anonymous wrote:Ha! Mine pays 1200 for two kids, he makes 7 figures. It bothers me once in awhile, like when he goes to the Alps for a ski trip with his new family, but mostly I’m just glad he’s out of the picture. I make a decent living now, there were years of struggle and the stepmom, if you can call her that, is apparently quite bitter about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2400/month is literally less than 20% of his income. You sound heartless.

Remember Dad pays taxes on his income, and probably provides the health care and more. Mom gets all that money tax free. $2400 is more than most people spend on their kids. Is more than some people earn in a month. Its a lot of money. We spend a lot on our child and don't even come close to that if you average it out over a year (except maybe if you include college savings).

-.+100 the file support we paid for one was much more than the amount we paid for two in our house ( including health insurance, share of utilities and food etc, not just direct kid costs). All while the ex lies about where money and activities came from and never went back to work. I could go on with more... 🙄

We had all kinds of drama. Ex demanded we pay for her health insurance even though kid had always been on Dad's since birth but she didn't want to use it. Dad was ordered to provide insurance. She ended up dropping her insurance and putting him on medicaid as we got a call from medicaid demanding we reimburse them (which we refused as we had insurance for him and they should have done their homework). She'd demand he pay extra for activities and then the kids wouldn't participate. We finally caught on and said tell us where to send the money (company or school) and we'll send it directly and tell us where we buy the uniform/shoes or what ever was needed and sizes and we'll ship it directly to the house. But, hey, no one here wants to hear the other side. And, the braces... we agreed to pay 1/2 per the court order after insurance directly to the orthotist and she refused to use the child support money to pay her half so kid never got them till an adult. They should make people who get child support file yearly like they do with guardianship or social security rep. payee to prove the money is spend on the individual receiving it.

As a parent, the food costs are nominal for an extra kid. Our housing and utility costs are the same. Our big expenses are private lessons and sports and camps (but all of those are optional and I could pick much cheaper ways of doing it). Even so, its not $2000+ a month even with a sleep away camp for a week.

Bologna.

How is it bologna? We bought a house before we had a child. So, same cost as before as we needed a place to live. We see no difference in utility bills. And, food isn't that much and mine are older. So, what other expense are there except activities? Those are optional. And, clothing but I shop clearance so usually the cost is minimal. And, transportation? We have the same cars and would regardless of a child. Many inflate the cost of kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:If only he were in VA. VA thinks that childcare and raising children in Roanoke and Arlington cost the same.

It’s ridiculous.

No its, not. It goes on time share and income. The custodial parent also has an obligation to financially support the child/ren as well. So, that's not full support, its only Dad's share.

This.

I find that so many people believe that child support is supposed to cover all of a child’s expenses and that’s not true. It’s just a portion. So many times women are disappointed and say they are not getting enough child support when in reality the cost of living and raising a child is higher than then realized and that they will actually need to increase their own income since now they are dependent on a single income.

That wasn't my point. My point was that the state of Virginia treats Arlington and Roanoke the same. If you think that's equitable, fine. VA has the lowest child support rate in the DMV.

Yes, its equitable. Mom can choose to move to a lower cost area if she cannot afford where she is living at. Most things in divorce, custody and child support aren't equitable.

Well, maybe not, but they are supposed to be; most states’ divorce laws are literally called “equitable distribution.” (NP by the way)

So, you choose to live in an expensive area and you expect your ex to contribute more because of your personal choices. That's not how child support works. And, child support is supposed to cover Dad's portion as determined by the state. Not what you want to maintain your lifestyle choices and you have an obligation to contribute as well.

I didn’t say anything about that at all.

You LITERALLY don't get a choice about where to live. If I moved out of the county he could fight my move. It's clear you know nothing about custody.

He could fit it but there is a slim chance of him winning. Be real. You can pick up and move and then tell him and it would take a year to get through the court system and then your attorneys would argue its too disruptive to move the kids again and you'd win. The visitation schedule might get adjusted or you might get ordered to meet half way but there would be no accountability for you to terminate visitation or move except for a rare judge.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The crazy thing is that when he has more kids, each won’t get $2400. I make a similar amount and bring home 3k a paycheck (after maxing out retirement and my health insurance)

I know dh and I don’t spend that on our kids a month. We have the same house and cars we did prekids, so those costs would be the same regardless of kids.

Same with us. It costs us no more in housing or electricity as we'd have the house regardless.

Are you a single Mom? Without a child I could live in a 1 bedroom apartment. With a child we need two bedrooms. The cost goes up quite a bit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If only he were in VA. VA thinks that childcare and raising children in Roanoke and Arlington cost the same.

It’s ridiculous.

No its, not. It goes on time share and income. The custodial parent also has an obligation to financially support the child/ren as well. So, that's not full support, its only Dad's share.

This.

I find that so many people believe that child support is supposed to cover all of a child’s expenses and that’s not true. It’s just a portion. So many times women are disappointed and say they are not getting enough child support when in reality the cost of living and raising a child is higher than then realized and that they will actually need to increase their own income since now they are dependent on a single income.

That wasn't my point. My point was that the state of Virginia treats Arlington and Roanoke the same. If you think that's equitable, fine. VA has the lowest child support rate in the DMV.

Yes, its equitable. Mom can choose to move to a lower cost area if she cannot afford where she is living at. Most things in divorce, custody and child support aren't equitable.

Well, maybe not, but they are supposed to be; most states’ divorce laws are literally called “equitable distribution.” (NP by the way)

So, you choose to live in an expensive area and you expect your ex to contribute more because of your personal choices. That's not how child support works. And, child support is supposed to cover Dad's portion as determined by the state. Not what you want to maintain your lifestyle choices and you have an obligation to contribute as well.

I didn’t say anything about that at all.

You LITERALLY don't get a choice about where to live. If I moved out of the county he could fight my move. It's clear you know nothing about custody.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2400/month is literally less than 20% of his income. You sound heartless.

Remember Dad pays taxes on his income, and probably provides the health care and more. Mom gets all that money tax free. $2400 is more than most people spend on their kids. Is more than some people earn in a month. Its a lot of money. We spend a lot on our child and don't even come close to that if you average it out over a year (except maybe if you include college savings).

-.+100 the file support we paid for one was much more than the amount we paid for two in our house ( including health insurance, share of utilities and food etc, not just direct kid costs). All while the ex lies about where money and activities came from and never went back to work. I could go on with more... 🙄

We had all kinds of drama. Ex demanded we pay for her health insurance even though kid had always been on Dad's since birth but she didn't want to use it. Dad was ordered to provide insurance. She ended up dropping her insurance and putting him on medicaid as we got a call from medicaid demanding we reimburse them (which we refused as we had insurance for him and they should have done their homework). She'd demand he pay extra for activities and then the kids wouldn't participate. We finally caught on and said tell us where to send the money (company or school) and we'll send it directly and tell us where we buy the uniform/shoes or what ever was needed and sizes and we'll ship it directly to the house. But, hey, no one here wants to hear the other side. And, the braces... we agreed to pay 1/2 per the court order after insurance directly to the orthotist and she refused to use the child support money to pay her half so kid never got them till an adult. They should make people who get child support file yearly like they do with guardianship or social security rep. payee to prove the money is spend on the individual receiving it.

As a parent, the food costs are nominal for an extra kid. Our housing and utility costs are the same. Our big expenses are private lessons and sports and camps (but all of those are optional and I could pick much cheaper ways of doing it). Even so, its not $2000+ a month even with a sleep away camp for a week.

Bologna.