Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a toddler and infant. Toddler goes to bed at 7:30, infant at 7, and then DH and I sit down and have a nice dinner. Eating dinner with our toddler would be at 5 and not at all relaxing for us. Or enjoyable. I know it’s important to eat as a family but is it important now?

Why did you have kids?

Of course, it is important.

Er.....help me find the answer....just to piss you off?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a toddler and infant. Toddler goes to bed at 7:30, infant at 7, and then DH and I sit down and have a nice dinner. Eating dinner with our toddler would be at 5 and not at all relaxing for us. Or enjoyable. I know it’s important to eat as a family but is it important now?

Why did you have kids?

Of course, it is important.

Dp I don't think an infant is going to get much from a family dinner! Maybe the toddler but, not much more. I can't believe the guilt shaming you are doing to the op. This is not a hill to die on and I have kids older and we didn't always eat as a family. They turned out just fine!

Anonymous wrote:We have a toddler and infant. Toddler goes to bed at 7:30, infant at 7, and then DH and I sit down and have a nice dinner. Eating dinner with our toddler would be at 5 and not at all relaxing for us. Or enjoyable. I know it’s important to eat as a family but is it important now?

Personally I wouldn't worry about it at your kid's ages. When they get older it becomes more important.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what are the kids eating if not the same food as you?! I think it’s super important for toddlers to see adults eat vegetables and everyone eats the same.

Same as us just no salt or very spicy hot. My toddler loves vegetables luckily.

Then why not eat next to them?

I think a lot of people on here have husbands who aren’t coming home early enough. That’s a problem. Log on later at night instead

Sometimes that's not possible. My spouse is a doctor.

I don't know how important it is to have family dinner for a toddler, but I can't for the life of me understand why you are training your child to eat dinner at 5pm.

From around the time our oldest ate more or less what we ate and could mostly feed herself (i.e. 1.5-2 y.o.), dinner was ~6:30-6:45 for the family. I WFH, so it's not an issue for me to be around. Sometimes we'd start as DH was settling in, but he ate with us.

I don't know if one approach is better than another...but barring feeding issues, I think it's better for kids to eat what their parents eat and to watch how they eat it. The latter is pretty hard to do if you're not eating together. I'm also the kid of immigrants (DH is not), so I may place a higher value on food traditions, though.

I think it's important to establish early the routines you want to follow throughout childhood. For us that's family dinner. And we did not do it when the older one was a baby. And he is now a very picky eater (he's 7 but has been picky since he first started eating solids). I obviously don't know for sure that if we'd had him at the table and let him pick food off our plates it would have been different. But I wish we'd done it anyway to know for sure.

When our second was born, and older one was 3.5, we switched to family dinners. Younger one sat with us at the table, ate from my plate, etc, and has had far fewer food issues than older one.

And now that the kids are 7 and 4, we like the family dinner because we can talk about our day, teach table manners, play games, etc. And I only make one meal, which is also important to me!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never ate dinner at a separate time from our kids. Dinner time was dinner time— for everyone. It wasn’t at 5 pm and there wasn’t “kid food” and “adult food.” There was (& is) just dinner. We aren’t strict at all, but we just never did meals, etc separately (nor were DH or I raised that way).

What time is that? We always had at least one adult who didn’t get home til 6:30 or 7. That was just too late. Are people leaving work at 5 or before? I mean pre pandemic. Both parents? How do you afford DC??

We are just like PP above. DS who is now 6 always ate with us, even as a toddler in his high chair. But his bedtime has always been 7:30-8pm, usually more towards 8pm. We eat around 6:30-7pm.

We live in DC, just north of Capitol Hill, by H St NE. No one we know gets home at 6:30 or 7. Maybe because the commute is short and not 45 minutes plus like in upper NW.

6:30-7 is pretty normal for big firm lawyers even if you have a short commute.... not sure what your community does for a living. And OMG lecturing on upper NW. your neighborhood did not exist for white people until I was 30.

You are in a bubble. Most people don’t work in big law or stay in the office till 6:30 pm.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For years, we fed the kids first (generally leftovers), put them to bed, and then cooked and had a nice, relaxing dinner. It was glorious, and I highly recommend it. When they got into a school schedule (they were 4 and 5) we started doing family dinners. We did eat breakfast and lunch together on the weekends.

I know many, many people that have done it that way.

This is sad. You cooked fresh for yourself and gave your kids leftovers?

You must have a really good life if these are the kinds of things that make you sad. Be thankful.

We(my family and pretty much all my extended family) cook huge batches of food on the weekends. We eat the leftovers throughout the week.

Yes there is a weird aversion to leftovers and a lot of people equate them with being cheap or poor, which is weird to me. Our leftovers are the food we carefully prepared in our home? With good ingredients. Why would that be inferior?

I’d much rather give my child leftovers than Mac and cheese from a box, frozen nuggets, or any of the other processed foods many people prepare “fresh” for their kids.

Agree that homemade leftovers are better than takeout or processed foods. BUT, consistently giving your kids leftovers while you enjoy fresh food means your priorities are backward. Either everyone eats the same, or prioritize the kids

Anonymous wrote:We have a toddler and infant. Toddler goes to bed at 7:30, infant at 7, and then DH and I sit down and have a nice dinner. Eating dinner with our toddler would be at 5 and not at all relaxing for us. Or enjoyable. I know it’s important to eat as a family but is it important now?

Why did you have kids?

Of course, it is important.

Family dinners are important only from around when baby is 5/6 months until roughly 1.5-2 because they learn by watching you eat, and then they learn to use utensils by watching you eat. Then it doesn’t matter again until about 5 when it’s nice to sit down and eat together, but nowhere near as important as those early times.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine aren’t that much older (9, 7, and 5) but, yes, I do think it’s important. Kids need to learn early to eat what you eat, and what’s on the table. Our kids know that family dinners are important and generally, they eat what they’re served. We’ve had dinners as a family, most nights, since our first was born. Weekends DH and I eat later, but one or both of us sit at the table while the kids eat, typically, and we talk. I don’t think it’s the only factor, but our kids are fantastic about eating vegetables, tofu, and all manner of things—and I do think that having that as an expectation from a young age (and seeing DH and I eating those things) helps.

Family dinner with a newborn? Someone gag me right now.

OP--just do what you can and please stop worrying about family dinner.

I know, the horror of a married couple wanting to enjoy each other’s company over a meal, while their newborn chills in the bouncer or on one of their laps.

The horror that they think that is helping their child's development through "family dinner." The baby has no clue what is going on and would not be deprived if you at after he/she were sleeping.

Actually, building positive family traditions early in a marriage probably does benefit children’s development.

Why do you care so much when other people share what’s worked for their family? It doesn’t have to be the same as what works for yours.

Because I think it makes moms feel guilty because it's like this insane contest of rich white people. Newborns do not need family dinner and moms don't need another reason to feel inadequate.

So have the confidence to say, eh, this particular thing doesn’t work for me and then move on. If someone saying what works for them on an anonymous message board makes you feel THAT insecure, then it’s something to work on. Don’t bother asking the question if you can’t tolerate hearing different answers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine aren’t that much older (9, 7, and 5) but, yes, I do think it’s important. Kids need to learn early to eat what you eat, and what’s on the table. Our kids know that family dinners are important and generally, they eat what they’re served. We’ve had dinners as a family, most nights, since our first was born. Weekends DH and I eat later, but one or both of us sit at the table while the kids eat, typically, and we talk. I don’t think it’s the only factor, but our kids are fantastic about eating vegetables, tofu, and all manner of things—and I do think that having that as an expectation from a young age (and seeing DH and I eating those things) helps.

Family dinner with a newborn? Someone gag me right now.

OP--just do what you can and please stop worrying about family dinner.

I know, the horror of a married couple wanting to enjoy each other’s company over a meal, while their newborn chills in the bouncer or on one of their laps.

The horror that they think that is helping their child's development through "family dinner." The baby has no clue what is going on and would not be deprived if you at after he/she were sleeping.

Actually, building positive family traditions early in a marriage probably does benefit children’s development.

Why do you care so much when other people share what’s worked for their family? It doesn’t have to be the same as what works for yours.

Because I think it makes moms feel guilty because it's like this insane contest of rich white people. Newborns do not need family dinner and moms don't need another reason to feel inadequate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine aren’t that much older (9, 7, and 5) but, yes, I do think it’s important. Kids need to learn early to eat what you eat, and what’s on the table. Our kids know that family dinners are important and generally, they eat what they’re served. We’ve had dinners as a family, most nights, since our first was born. Weekends DH and I eat later, but one or both of us sit at the table while the kids eat, typically, and we talk. I don’t think it’s the only factor, but our kids are fantastic about eating vegetables, tofu, and all manner of things—and I do think that having that as an expectation from a young age (and seeing DH and I eating those things) helps.

Family dinner with a newborn? Someone gag me right now.

OP--just do what you can and please stop worrying about family dinner.

I know, the horror of a married couple wanting to enjoy each other’s company over a meal, while their newborn chills in the bouncer or on one of their laps.

The horror that they think that is helping their child's development through "family dinner." The baby has no clue what is going on and would not be deprived if you at after he/she were sleeping.

Actually, building positive family traditions early in a marriage probably does benefit children’s development.

Why do you care so much when other people share what’s worked for their family? It doesn’t have to be the same as what works for yours.