Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:40     Subject: Re:Boyfriend won't leave ex-wife alone
Anonymous wrote:OP: For those asking, she doesn't know about me, and I've never met her. I've asked many times if I could meet someone so important to him. BF says it's none of her business what his love life is like now.

She doesn’t know about you because you are his sidepiece.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:38     Subject: Re:Boyfriend won't leave ex-wife alone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP: For those asking, she doesn't know about me, and I've never met her. I've asked many times if I could meet someone so important to him. BF says it's none of her business what his love life is like now.


If all of the other things weren’t a red flag for you (which they should be), then this is the GIANT red flag you need to accept.


To play devil's advocate, what should OP do, exactly? Sit over her boyfriend's shoulder and watch him tell the ex about his new girlfriend? I don't know how that's enforceable.


She should either a) deal with it, or b) leave this relationship. He has already told her he is not willing to adjust this behavior.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:37     Subject: Re:Boyfriend won't leave ex-wife alone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP: For those asking, she doesn't know about me, and I've never met her. I've asked many times if I could meet someone so important to him. BF says it's none of her business what his love life is like now.


You have got to be a troll. Can anyone be that dense?


OP: Not a troll. I just don't feel as though he left me with many options in the situation.


You cannot control the actions of others, only voice your feelings. A person who loves and values you would have been willing to hear you out and adjust their behavior. He is showing you with his actions AND words who he actually loves, and it's not you.

You have all the options you need in this scenario - the option to leave the relationship where you aren't valued as much as an ex partner.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:34     Subject: Boyfriend won't leave ex-wife alone
Anonymous wrote:He chooses her. Deal or leave.


Yeah, unfortunately this.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:34     Subject: Re:Boyfriend won't leave ex-wife alone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP: For those asking, she doesn't know about me, and I've never met her. I've asked many times if I could meet someone so important to him. BF says it's none of her business what his love life is like now.


If all of the other things weren’t a red flag for you (which they should be), then this is the GIANT red flag you need to accept.


To play devil's advocate, what should OP do, exactly? Sit over her boyfriend's shoulder and watch him tell the ex about his new girlfriend? I don't know how that's enforceable.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:33     Subject: Re:Boyfriend won't leave ex-wife alone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP: For those asking, she doesn't know about me, and I've never met her. I've asked many times if I could meet someone so important to him. BF says it's none of her business what his love life is like now.


You have got to be a troll. Can anyone be that dense?


OP: Not a troll. I just don't feel as though he left me with many options in the situation.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:29     Subject: Re:Boyfriend won't leave ex-wife alone
Anonymous wrote:OP: For those asking, she doesn't know about me, and I've never met her. I've asked many times if I could meet someone so important to him. BF says it's none of her business what his love life is like now.


If all of the other things weren’t a red flag for you (which they should be), then this is the GIANT red flag you need to accept.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:11     Subject: Re:Boyfriend won't leave ex-wife alone
Anonymous wrote:OP: For those asking, she doesn't know about me, and I've never met her. I've asked many times if I could meet someone so important to him. BF says it's none of her business what his love life is like now.


You have got to be a troll. Can anyone be that dense?
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:08     Subject: Re:Boyfriend won't leave ex-wife alone
Whether it is appropriate or not is totally irrelevant, OP doesn't like it and is not a person who can likely just come to terms with it and be 100% okay with it. At the same time, her BF is not going to change. Ans if he does change his relationship with his ex, he will totally resent OP for it.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 13:01     Subject: Re:Boyfriend won't leave ex-wife alone
Anonymous wrote:OP: For those asking, she doesn't know about me, and I've never met her. I've asked many times if I could meet someone so important to him. BF says it's none of her business what his love life is like now.


Your boyfriend is messed up, and is never going to give you what you need.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 12:56     Subject: Re:Boyfriend won't leave ex-wife alone
OP: For those asking, she doesn't know about me, and I've never met her. I've asked many times if I could meet someone so important to him. BF says it's none of her business what his love life is like now.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 12:39     Subject: Re:Boyfriend won't leave ex-wife alone
NP. The fact that there’s a separate thread from OP regarding her boyfriend, his ex, and Winnie the Pooh is absolutely mind-blowing. Even more that someone linked jr. Anonymity means nothing here lol. DCUM is my best covid find!
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 12:34     Subject: Boyfriend won't leave ex-wife alone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When people show you who they are, believe them.

He is emotionally close to his ex. That’s simply the fact of the matter. You have to decide whether you’re okay with that or not. Either accept it or move on, as he’s made it clear this is a relationship that matters to him and will continue.

I know I wouldn’t be happy with it, but that’s me. You have to make a decision for yourself.


And this doesn't mean it's wrong. It's fine for it to bother you, but it is not fine to characterize this as him doing something wrong, or doing something to you. It is neither.



eh, I think the BF is doing something wrong. Consciously or not, he is emotionally entangled with another woman, and refusing to admit it to OP and maybe to himself. Instead of actually addressing the issue, he deflects by claiming his behavior is excuses because OP has contact with her ex. When they are totally different and unrelated scenarios.

my opinion is that it’s fine to have opposite gender friends, fine to talk with exes every so often, but being emotionally dependent on an opposite gender friend is an issue, and an absolute problem if that “friend” is an ex.


Maybe, but he's being totally honest about what he's doing and that he intends to continue doing it. He's not lying to the OP about the only thing that matters -- he will not cut back on or eliminate contact with his ex. The only problem now is that OP doesn't want to accept that.


NP here. PP is right that he is doing something wrong, even though he's being honest about it. His behaviour is not neutral.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 12:33     Subject: Boyfriend won't leave ex-wife alone
Anonymous wrote:Seriously? Do you have any self-esteem? He wants her. He loves her. He misses her.
You are a sex partner.


This is the harsh truth of it. Holy cow, this sucks for you, op, but he has clearly not moved on from that relationship. I couldn't deal with that, but you have to figure out what you're okay with for yourself.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2021 12:26     Subject: Boyfriend won't leave ex-wife alone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When people show you who they are, believe them.

He is emotionally close to his ex. That’s simply the fact of the matter. You have to decide whether you’re okay with that or not. Either accept it or move on, as he’s made it clear this is a relationship that matters to him and will continue.

I know I wouldn’t be happy with it, but that’s me. You have to make a decision for yourself.


And this doesn't mean it's wrong. It's fine for it to bother you, but it is not fine to characterize this as him doing something wrong, or doing something to you. It is neither.



eh, I think the BF is doing something wrong. Consciously or not, he is emotionally entangled with another woman, and refusing to admit it to OP and maybe to himself. Instead of actually addressing the issue, he deflects by claiming his behavior is excuses because OP has contact with her ex. When they are totally different and unrelated scenarios.

my opinion is that it’s fine to have opposite gender friends, fine to talk with exes every so often, but being emotionally dependent on an opposite gender friend is an issue, and an absolute problem if that “friend” is an ex.


Maybe, but he's being totally honest about what he's doing and that he intends to continue doing it. He's not lying to the OP about the only thing that matters -- he will not cut back on or eliminate contact with his ex. The only problem now is that OP doesn't want to accept that.