Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 09:41     Subject: Re:I know this is completely unethical
OP, how much older is he? thinking about genetic risks.

honestly, this is so complicated. I would move out, and tell him later, maybe after baby is born. As horrible as his behavior may be, this is also his child and is not the product of rape, etc.

also, how prepared are you to deal with a child with serious medical issues, etc? You may find that doing it on your own is not ideal and having another parent, even if you are not together, is in the best interests of you and your child.

Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 09:24     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
Anonymous wrote:I've been in a very long term relationship. We recently got engaged and I found out he's been seeing someone else. We had been trying to get pregnant for about 6 months. For a few weeks he's become verbally abusive. He wasn't always this way. When I found out about the new relationship I was already pregnant. I've also found a few dating profiles. I stopped looking because it's hurtful. I've spoken to my therapist about our relationship and she says it sounds like he's " escalating". I'm in my late 30s time is not on my side. I'm not going to terminate. I am however considering telling him I lost the pregnancy and going home to be with my family. They live a few thousand miles away we have no mutual friends. Is there anyway he can later come back and take my child from me?

Thanks for any and all advice


This should have been the first red flag.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 09:19     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
Since he kicked you off the bed you could get a protective order against him. That would set the stage later on to show he was abusive if needed.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 06:51     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That's totally okay. When the baby is born and they ask at the hospital for the baby's name, just say it was a one night stand and you don't remember the guy's name.

Go now. Get somewhere safe.


Agree. I did this, and no one asks at the hospital. You say, “I’m having him/her/them/baby on my own.” You smile and they don’t ask more. You don’t even have to fill out the birth certificate form for up to a year. It’ll be okay, OP. just get somewhere safe NOW.



Stupid question but don't I need the birth certificate for health insurance, vaccinations etc?


Thank you

Yes, but you can only list your name and not the fathers.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 06:06     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That's totally okay. When the baby is born and they ask at the hospital for the baby's name, just say it was a one night stand and you don't remember the guy's name.

Go now. Get somewhere safe.


Agree. I did this, and no one asks at the hospital. You say, “I’m having him/her/them/baby on my own.” You smile and they don’t ask more. You don’t even have to fill out the birth certificate form for up to a year. It’ll be okay, OP. just get somewhere safe NOW.



Stupid question but don't I need the birth certificate for health insurance, vaccinations etc?


Yes, but you can only list your name and not the fathers.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 05:28     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
Anonymous wrote:If you fake a miscarriage, get fake blood and everything.


Why would I do that if he's out of town?
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 05:27     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
If you fake a miscarriage, get fake blood and everything.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 05:21     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:And do not EVER post about this child on the internet. No Facebook posts, no Twitter about motherhood, no Instagram posts. Nothing. Those can get back to him.



I hadn't thought this far ahead, thank you


NP. I would go so far as to permanently delete ALL social media. The last thing you want is someone in your comments mentioning your child or whatever.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 05:04     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That's totally okay. When the baby is born and they ask at the hospital for the baby's name, just say it was a one night stand and you don't remember the guy's name.

Go now. Get somewhere safe.


Agree. I did this, and no one asks at the hospital. You say, “I’m having him/her/them/baby on my own.” You smile and they don’t ask more. You don’t even have to fill out the birth certificate form for up to a year. It’ll be okay, OP. just get somewhere safe NOW.



Stupid question but don't I need the birth certificate for health insurance, vaccinations etc?
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 04:47     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
Anonymous wrote:That's totally okay. When the baby is born and they ask at the hospital for the baby's name, just say it was a one night stand and you don't remember the guy's name.

Go now. Get somewhere safe.


Agree. I did this, and no one asks at the hospital. You say, “I’m having him/her/them/baby on my own.” You smile and they don’t ask more. You don’t even have to fill out the birth certificate form for up to a year. It’ll be okay, OP. just get somewhere safe NOW.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 04:43     Subject: Re:I know this is completely unethical
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m not a family law expert, but it’s your fetus your choice. I doubt a judge would award 50/50 custody down the road if the dad is geographically elsewhere and seeks partial custody

This is my hope. From what I've read if I gave birth on the other side of the country there's not a lot he can do. If I gave birth here I could be made to stay?? I'm still reading. He and his family have a lot of money and I come from nothing. My worry is they will use their money and influence to take my baby.


They don’t want the baby. You do. Go.
-BTDT
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 03:46     Subject: Re:I know this is completely unethical
Anonymous wrote:Birth certificates are public record. He'll easily be able to find things out by doing a genealogy search using your name and DOB.


Why would he go looking if he thinks I miscarried? He is supposed to go out of town soon for work. I'm planning on " miscarrying" then. Once I move he will probably attempt to call I will most likely change my number
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 02:14     Subject: Re:I know this is completely unethical
Birth certificates are public record. He'll easily be able to find things out by doing a genealogy search using your name and DOB.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 02:13     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
Anonymous wrote:So let’s say you get away with moving across the country to your family and he never finds out about the baby.
You can never ever post anything about your child online. You’ll have to monitor all your friends and family social media so they don’t post something he could stumble across and connect the dot.

Best case scenario, he never finds out about it. But your child has a missing part of themselves. They will wonder about who their Dad is. For some it doesn’t cause issues, for others it does. From your child’s perspective, does this seem like a good idea?

Worst case scenario, he does find out. Sues for custody and you have to send your baby to this abusive a$$hat every summer and split holidays with him.



I'm not that worried about social media. For one he's older and rarely uses it. He is friends with 2 of my family members. He has less than 100 friends on FB.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 02:10     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
Anonymous wrote:Leave then consult a lawyer who can advise you on your next step. Make sure to tell them that he is abusive, and you’ve left him for both you and your child’s safety. Get it all documented so he has less of a chance for custody, even partial.


How would I document this? No one besides my close friends would believe he's abusive. Everyone thinks he's kind and generous. Friends in the past have the of me how lucky I am.