Anonymous wrote:Telling children that their mother is a whore will never play out well in court. That was terrible advice. That's considered alienation and malicious parenting, and would definitely impact any custody arrangement. It's pretty obvious the person who suggested that has never been divorced and had to work out custody.

Ex-wife of a cheater.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP. I am going through it as well as I found out my DH cheated for years. He confessed and wants to reconcile but I'm close to filing for divorce.

I am conflicted about telling our kids. I want him out of the house and he is playing the victim card. If I kick him out he's inevitably going to tell the kids I kicked him out and I will look like the mean mom. I'm not telling the kids what he did to protect and preserve their relationship but I foresee that I will end up looking like the bad guy in all of this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:get a lawyer, she's clearly talking to one.

This, right now! Photograph financial account balances too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You can tell the kids matter-of-factly what happened. Don’t get emotional with the kids about it, but don’t hide the facts.
Taking the high road doesn’t mean deceiving them about the facts.

“Mom decided she wanted to have a relationship with another man instead of me. That made me feel violated. We both decided it was better to get divorced because we don’t love each other as husband and wife anymore, even though we love you and want to do a good job parenting you.”

That’s it. Don’t go into more detail than that. But don’t lie by hiding the truth.

I disagree with this. Your kids don’t need to know she had an affair. You’re putting them in the middle. That opens the door for the wife to say “I had an affair because your father neglected me emotionally” or other BS. Your kids will figure it out but you don’t need to be the one to tell them. Just continue to be a good dad. That’s all they care about.

+1

Telling the kids about an affair is freaking evil and way worse than the original transgression of cheating. All it does is harm the kids and make the spouse who was offended temporarily feel better about themselves. Divorce is bad enough. There is no sense in hurting the kids further by getting them involved in adult business. Marriage is over—that’s it. (And no, I am not a cheater.... but many years ago I told my ex-husband if he did ever cheat I would never ever tell the kids. People who do that are really messed up in the head and are not thinking about the emotional health of their children.)

Haaaa...who says “honey, one day when you cheat on me. Don’t worry I won’t tell Jimmy and Barb.” You are so full of sh@t with this story.

I prefer “Honey- if you cheat, I’ll cut your balls off.”

I did actually say that. I am divorced now. There was no cheating. I do not believe kids need to be burdened with adult relationships on matter what happens.

Anonymous wrote:get a lawyer, she's clearly talking to one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can tell the kids matter-of-factly what happened. Don’t get emotional with the kids about it, but don’t hide the facts.
Taking the high road doesn’t mean deceiving them about the facts.

“Mom decided she wanted to have a relationship with another man instead of me. That made me feel violated. We both decided it was better to get divorced because we don’t love each other as husband and wife anymore, even though we love you and want to do a good job parenting you.”

That’s it. Don’t go into more detail than that. But don’t lie by hiding the truth.

I disagree with this. Your kids don’t need to know she had an affair. You’re putting them in the middle. That opens the door for the wife to say “I had an affair because your father neglected me emotionally” or other BS. Your kids will figure it out but you don’t need to be the one to tell them. Just continue to be a good dad. That’s all they care about.

Be honest, dads usually get the blame. The kids should know mommy is a whore

No, they do not. Please refrain from using those terms in general. She can be a super shitty wife and still be a great mother. Do not involve kids in your shit. Grow up.

When one cheats they cheat on the entire family. The horrible consequences will affect everyone for years, so don't be so naive.

I don't think pp is going to use that correct term when telling them why they are divorcing. However, kids will want to know and will find out even if it's from a relative. Best for pp to be honest and explain it one time. Just say mom wanted to date other men and leave it at that. He doesn't need to ever talk badly about her, but being honest about the breakup is very important.

No, she didn't cheat on the entire family. She cheated on her husband. People divorce for all sorts of reasons. Nothing good will come of involving the children.

I'm not naive. I put my kids and not my anger first. The ONLY thing that children need to hear is that mom and dad love them very, very much and will take care of them. Period.

I am divorced myself. My ex is a shit bag. I do not tell my son that. His relationship with his dad is separate from my relationship with his dad.

+1
I 100% agree with you. I also agree that the relationship between a child and a parent is separate and it is really wrong of people to get involved in that. Cheating is between a husband and wife. That is it.

True. However, again, teens and tweens figure this out on their own. No it’s needs to come out and tell them. Mom has a new boyfriend (or dad a new girlfriend) and she/he moved out. Hmmmm.....or even better I’m going to have a new half-sibling...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can tell the kids matter-of-factly what happened. Don’t get emotional with the kids about it, but don’t hide the facts.
Taking the high road doesn’t mean deceiving them about the facts.

“Mom decided she wanted to have a relationship with another man instead of me. That made me feel violated. We both decided it was better to get divorced because we don’t love each other as husband and wife anymore, even though we love you and want to do a good job parenting you.”

That’s it. Don’t go into more detail than that. But don’t lie by hiding the truth.

I disagree with this. Your kids don’t need to know she had an affair. You’re putting them in the middle. That opens the door for the wife to say “I had an affair because your father neglected me emotionally” or other BS. Your kids will figure it out but you don’t need to be the one to tell them. Just continue to be a good dad. That’s all they care about.

Be honest, dads usually get the blame. The kids should know mommy is a whore

No, they do not. Please refrain from using those terms in general. She can be a super shitty wife and still be a great mother. Do not involve kids in your shit. Grow up.

When one cheats they cheat on the entire family. The horrible consequences will affect everyone for years, so don't be so naive.

I don't think pp is going to use that correct term when telling them why they are divorcing. However, kids will want to know and will find out even if it's from a relative. Best for pp to be honest and explain it one time. Just say mom wanted to date other men and leave it at that. He doesn't need to ever talk badly about her, but being honest about the breakup is very important.

No, she didn't cheat on the entire family. She cheated on her husband. People divorce for all sorts of reasons. Nothing good will come of involving the children.

I'm not naive. I put my kids and not my anger first. The ONLY thing that children need to hear is that mom and dad love them very, very much and will take care of them. Period.

I am divorced myself. My ex is a shit bag. I do not tell my son that. His relationship with his dad is separate from my relationship with his dad.

+1
I 100% agree with you. I also agree that the relationship between a child and a parent is separate and it is really wrong of people to get involved in that. Cheating is between a husband and wife. That is it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can tell the kids matter-of-factly what happened. Don’t get emotional with the kids about it, but don’t hide the facts.
Taking the high road doesn’t mean deceiving them about the facts.

“Mom decided she wanted to have a relationship with another man instead of me. That made me feel violated. We both decided it was better to get divorced because we don’t love each other as husband and wife anymore, even though we love you and want to do a good job parenting you.”

That’s it. Don’t go into more detail than that. But don’t lie by hiding the truth.

I disagree with this. Your kids don’t need to know she had an affair. You’re putting them in the middle. That opens the door for the wife to say “I had an affair because your father neglected me emotionally” or other BS. Your kids will figure it out but you don’t need to be the one to tell them. Just continue to be a good dad. That’s all they care about.

Be honest, dads usually get the blame. The kids should know mommy is a whore

No, they do not. Please refrain from using those terms in general. She can be a super shitty wife and still be a great mother. Do not involve kids in your shit. Grow up.

When one cheats they cheat on the entire family. The horrible consequences will affect everyone for years, so don't be so naive.

I don't think pp is going to use that correct term when telling them why they are divorcing. However, kids will want to know and will find out even if it's from a relative. Best for pp to be honest and explain it one time. Just say mom wanted to date other men and leave it at that. He doesn't need to ever talk badly about her, but being honest about the breakup is very important.

No, she didn't cheat on the entire family. She cheated on her husband. People divorce for all sorts of reasons. Nothing good will come of involving the children.

I'm not naive. I put my kids and not my anger first. The ONLY thing that children need to hear is that mom and dad love them very, very much and will take care of them. Period.

I am divorced myself. My ex is a shit bag. I do not tell my son that. His relationship with his dad is separate from my relationship with his dad.

+1
I 100% agree with you. I also agree that the relationship between a child and a parent is separate and it is really wrong of people to get involved in that. Cheating is between a husband and wife. That is it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can tell the kids matter-of-factly what happened. Don’t get emotional with the kids about it, but don’t hide the facts.
Taking the high road doesn’t mean deceiving them about the facts.

“Mom decided she wanted to have a relationship with another man instead of me. That made me feel violated. We both decided it was better to get divorced because we don’t love each other as husband and wife anymore, even though we love you and want to do a good job parenting you.”

That’s it. Don’t go into more detail than that. But don’t lie by hiding the truth.

I disagree with this. Your kids don’t need to know she had an affair. You’re putting them in the middle. That opens the door for the wife to say “I had an affair because your father neglected me emotionally” or other BS. Your kids will figure it out but you don’t need to be the one to tell them. Just continue to be a good dad. That’s all they care about.

Be honest, dads usually get the blame. The kids should know mommy is a whore

No, they do not. Please refrain from using those terms in general. She can be a super shitty wife and still be a great mother. Do not involve kids in your shit. Grow up.

When one cheats they cheat on the entire family. The horrible consequences will affect everyone for years, so don't be so naive.

I don't think pp is going to use that correct term when telling them why they are divorcing. However, kids will want to know and will find out even if it's from a relative. Best for pp to be honest and explain it one time. Just say mom wanted to date other men and leave it at that. He doesn't need to ever talk badly about her, but being honest about the breakup is very important.

No, she didn't cheat on the entire family. She cheated on her husband. People divorce for all sorts of reasons. Nothing good will come of involving the children.

I'm not naive. I put my kids and not my anger first. The ONLY thing that children need to hear is that mom and dad love them very, very much and will take care of them. Period.

I am divorced myself. My ex is a shit bag. I do not tell my son that. His relationship with his dad is separate from my relationship with his dad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really sorry, OP. People that cheat on their spouses are disgusting.

I can't help but notice how friendly everyone is to you as a man that has been cheated on, but for whatever reason whenever a woman in your identical situation posts, she is met with a torrent of: you didn't have enough sex with him, you didn't treat him right, you let yourself go, blah, blah, blah.

I wish women could support other women, but for whatever reason they only have sympathy for betrayed husbands---not wives. I'm not sure about the psychology except that women are jealous and hate other women possibly.

I think the folks who are as cruel as you describe (and they post a lot, even if there aren't that many of them) fall into 2 categories:

1) Angry men

2) Women who want to engage in magical thinking, and think they can "affair proof" their marriage if they just check all the right boxes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can tell the kids matter-of-factly what happened. Don’t get emotional with the kids about it, but don’t hide the facts.
Taking the high road doesn’t mean deceiving them about the facts.

“Mom decided she wanted to have a relationship with another man instead of me. That made me feel violated. We both decided it was better to get divorced because we don’t love each other as husband and wife anymore, even though we love you and want to do a good job parenting you.”

That’s it. Don’t go into more detail than that. But don’t lie by hiding the truth.

I disagree with this. Your kids don’t need to know she had an affair. You’re putting them in the middle. That opens the door for the wife to say “I had an affair because your father neglected me emotionally” or other BS. Your kids will figure it out but you don’t need to be the one to tell them. Just continue to be a good dad. That’s all they care about.

+1

Telling the kids about an affair is freaking evil and way worse than the original transgression of cheating. All it does is harm the kids and make the spouse who was offended temporarily feel better about themselves. Divorce is bad enough. There is no sense in hurting the kids further by getting them involved in adult business. Marriage is over—that’s it. (And no, I am not a cheater.... but many years ago I told my ex-husband if he did ever cheat I would never ever tell the kids. People who do that are really messed up in the head and are not thinking about the emotional health of their children.)

Haaaa...who says “honey, one day when you cheat on me. Don’t worry I won’t tell Jimmy and Barb.” You are so full of sh@t with this story.

I prefer “Honey- if you cheat, I’ll cut your balls off.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She can be a super shitty wife and still be a great mother.

No, she can't. Her cheating broke up the family. The repercussions are enormous. Household expenses just doubled without an increase in income. The affects ability to pay for college. Often times this switches kids to new schools if neither parent is able to buy out the other.

If my husband and I got divorced tomorrow neither of us could afford to stay in our neighborhood on our income alone. I would not be able to continue to contribute to the kids' college funds. I would not be able to pay for my daughter's travel soccer program that she lives for. Summer vacations to the beach would never happen again. The list goes on and on. Cheating spouses destroy children's lives.

Do you say this dribble to every divorced couple? I am divorced (not for cheating though) and can tell you that I'm a kick-ass mother. I was a shitty wife to my ex (he would say). Life after divorce does not end as you apparently believe.