If it is worrying you, then listen to that voice in your head. There were always times when I'd drink more than usual. Sometimes it was a life situation, weather, mood and eventually I'd come back to just weekend or not even that level of drinking. So, if it's just a temporary thing and you can stop if you want to, it's ok.

I would check what you call a “glass”. In a mom’s group I am in, one woman thought a bottle of wine was 2 glasses. It’s not, it’s 4.5 glasses. If you are drinking 1-2 glasses a night, it’s worth getting out the scale or measuring cup once and a while and making sure your pour isn’t getting more generous over time.

The only thing that is not normal / ok is that it’s the “only way” you can calm your brain. I don’t think the volume or frequency is concerning, it’s how and why you are using alcohol to cope. Maybe try a few other things to unwind - herbal tea, candles, meditation, gentle yoga, massage, sex.

Anonymous wrote:You're ok, as long as you don't go beyond that and start the heavy stuff.

No, it’s not that simple.

- recovering alcoholic

OP, there are lots of rationalization on here. It’s a slippery slope if you are drinking more than what you did when you started, which is something Annie Grace talks about. If you’re worried about your drinking, that’s already your red flag.

People will justify the “it’s not abnormal” thing, but the statistics will show you that no, most people aren’t actually drinking every day.

It’s not worth it, it’s not worth it, it’s not worth it. You will be forever chasing the buzz, and it will be fine in this age of mommy wine culture. But it isn’t actually helping you. It only gets worse, and that’s the insidiousness of it all. Everyone pictures the homeless person, or the down and out drunk, but that’s not all alcoholism looks like. It looks like me, with a job, a family, and the perfect life from the outside. And my bottle a day wine habit, plus whatever else anyone poured. But it was okay. Everyone had a few glasses a day, right? Of course, mine started to become hidden but it wasn’t always that way. I did have the hard stuff, but not always. I drank alone, but not always. My DH drank the same amount, but he doesn’t have the problem I do.

The thing is.. it’s not a problem until it becomes a problem, and by then, it’s a huge problem because you’ve already been asking if it’s a problem and avoiding the real answer.

I’m sure I’ll get raked over the coals for being an alcoholic, but that’s okay. I was just like all of you not that long ago , telling myself it was just one or two drinks. And it was, until it wasn’t.

You're ok, as long as you don't go beyond that and start the heavy stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP, you're fine. 1-2 glasses a night after the kids go to bed is not excess. Periodically check in with yourself to ask, "could I stop this?" and even take breaks if you're concerned that it's a minor dependency. But realistically, it's an amount that just isn't a problem.

Anyone saying it is a problem is privileged to have never dealt with real alcoholics and lucky to have not lived through what real dependency is like.

I just said it was up to OP to decide whether it's a problem for them but I also wanted to comment on this offensive statement. I have dealt with real alcoholics and they come in all kinds and with different patterns of dependency. Some people take to alcoholism like getting hit by a train. Others do it gradually and you don't notice because they're good at keeping secrets. The issue isn't the amount of alcohol but the pattern of use and whether it grows. Glad to see that OP is reflecting on this. Hopefully OP doesn't have a problem.

+1. My 70-year-old mother has absolutely slid into full-blown alcoholism this way. She didn't drink at all when we were growing up and then started with 1-2 per night. Overtime, it has turned into a vodka right at 5 and then at least a full bottle every night. It is now affecting her health and will probably kill her. Breaks my heart. Obviously this doesn't happen to everyone but it is naive to not be aware of that risk and take steps to mitigate it if you feel yourself sliding.

+2. I'd say the most important sign is if it starts affecting relationships and responsibilities.

Also alcohol misuse can really wreck your sleep - and once it does, the data is startling in that it can be between hard and impossible to get that back, even though lots of alcohol-induced issues can heal.

Anonymous wrote:Interesting how strongly people are digging into their relative positions on this.

I love my beer and wine, but could easily stop if necessary. Coffee, on the other hand, is the stuff I'd be hiding all over the house if someone told me I had to give it up....

+1 to this! I love beer and wine and cocktails. I stopped cold when i got pregnant, no problems.

Cutting back on coffee however has been awful. when I was pregnant and first cut back i was so dopey and fog-brained. I am breast feeding now and still restrict my coffee. Some days at 4:30 i would die for another espresso!

OP here again. I am really intrigued by the varying positions on this. It started out really negative though which freaked me out, and I ordered "This Naked Mind" to my kindle based on someone on page 1 or 2's recommendation. I read it quickly and it was eye opening and a little scary.
The part that I identified with most is that the first "buzz" (which only lasts 20 or so minutes) is really the only pleasurable part of drinking, and anything after that is just chasing a repeat of that buzz but you won't get it and you don't realize how alcohol tricks your brain into wanting more even when it's doing absolutely nothing positive for you. That and the cancer risks the author outlined from just a minimal amount of regular alcohol has scared me off it for a minute.
I haven't found a suitable relaxing replacement yet but I'm going to try to walk the dog tonight after kid bedtime and see what that does for me.

Anonymous wrote:I’m Italian and French and shaking my head. A glass of wine a day is not a problem, provided the glass size is not a bottle. Does the bottle last you at least three days? You’re not over drinking. And no, I’m not an alcoholic- I almost never drink at all because it never sat well with me. My parents have had a glass of wine with dinner or after dinner every day and that’s it. They do have it to “relax after dinner”. No one is drunk or passing out. This is normal in many cultures.

Only you know OP what you’re worried about. If you read in a book somewhere that all alcohol is bad and if you drink at all you’re an alcoholic, that’s crap. If you don’t like what is happening when you drink or you worry when you can’t drink, then you might have a problem.

All the Italians in Italy I know certainly drink more than one glass of wine a day between lunch and dinner it’s probably more like four or more. It’s just not a big deal and mostly a simple wine like Dolcetto.

Only two glasses a night isn’t that much.

OP, it's not uncommon for people to drink a glass of wine a night. That doesn't mean it's healthy, particularly not when it leans towards two glasses, and especially not when it's done to relieve stress. Because you're asking this question, this website might be useful for you: https://www.rethinkingdrinking.niaaa.nih.gov/

It's great that you're wondering whether this pattern of consumption and reasons for drinking are okay. On nights when I want a drink, and also know that it's not healthy to drink daily, a really good seltzer often satisfies my need for something to look forward to at the end of the day, and as a way to transition. That could also be a piece of chocolate, or a meditation, or whatever--but something to substitute for this habit is useful, IME. Good luck!

Interesting how strongly people are digging into their relative positions on this.

I love my beer and wine, but could easily stop if necessary. Coffee, on the other hand, is the stuff I'd be hiding all over the house if someone told me I had to give it up....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this site really brings out the tee totalers. I definitely have had periods of time where I have 1-2 glasses of wine every night. Really enjoy it. Then when I want to lose weight or just feel healthier, I stop.

I think there are plenty of people that do this. Just not many on DCUM.

+1

Literally almost everyone I know drinks multiple nights a week, if not daily - myself included. If I feel like I am looking forward to it *too* much, lose weight, or just generally need to cut back, I'll usually do 2-4 weeks dry. Right now I am only drinking on weekends just for health and sleep reasons, but I really don't feel like it's a big deal if I do have a glass of wine or two with dinner on weeknights too.

+100

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP, you're fine. 1-2 glasses a night after the kids go to bed is not excess. Periodically check in with yourself to ask, "could I stop this?" and even take breaks if you're concerned that it's a minor dependency. But realistically, it's an amount that just isn't a problem.

Anyone saying it is a problem is privileged to have never dealt with real alcoholics and lucky to have not lived through what real dependency is like.

I just said it was up to OP to decide whether it's a problem for them but I also wanted to comment on this offensive statement. I have dealt with real alcoholics and they come in all kinds and with different patterns of dependency. Some people take to alcoholism like getting hit by a train. Others do it gradually and you don't notice because they're good at keeping secrets. The issue isn't the amount of alcohol but the pattern of use and whether it grows. Glad to see that OP is reflecting on this. Hopefully OP doesn't have a problem.

+1. My 70-year-old mother has absolutely slid into full-blown alcoholism this way. She didn't drink at all when we were growing up and then started with 1-2 per night. Overtime, it has turned into a vodka right at 5 and then at least a full bottle every night. It is now affecting her health and will probably kill her. Breaks my heart. Obviously this doesn't happen to everyone but it is naive to not be aware of that risk and take steps to mitigate it if you feel yourself sliding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Despite what TV shows display, most people don't drink alcohol every day or even more than once per week. It's also not healthy, though if you really feel you're not becoming dependent, I imagine doing this for a limited period of time is probably not going to reduce your lifespan much.

https://www.vox.com/2018/4/24/17242720/alcohol-health-risks-facts

Every person in my orbit- friends and family- drinks every day. Again, a lot of this has to do with how you were raised. Alcohol consumption is actually highest in the well educated, upper income population in the US.

https://news.gallup.com/poll/184358/drinking-highest-among-educated-upper-income-americans.aspx

We also tend to surround ourselves with people who mirror our habits. Part of this is because "everyone else is doing it" can become a compelling reason to keep doing something that is objectively bad for you. I definitely find myself doing the same thing.