Actually, my understanding is that the au pair actually pays a fee to the agency as well as the host family. There may be some au pairs on here that can clarify.

Having been through the match process, this fee is to make sure the au pair has some skin in the game and doesnt flake after matching with a family. It's not because anyone thinks they need to pay for the privilege. It's because it's the only real way to get teenagers to show that they are serious. Otherwise, host families will end up paying for for their visa and background check and training school and int'l plane ticket, only to have the teenager decide she'd rather stay home and hang with this new boy she met instead, leaving the family in a childcare lurch. Flakiness is already a serious issue. The program really wouldn't work without having the au pair make some sort of significant commitment to the program up front.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, as a fellow host mom the dynamics have changed a lot and many au pairs - now scarce and in demand - are understandably leveraging the new dynamic.

That said, I think if you can afford to pay her more, do so, make her show you she is stepping it up. I think the PP at 5:55 is spot on, but I would phrase it more positively.

I am not sure how much of the dynamic is there to leverage because their choices are rematch or go home.

The dynamic has completely shifted right now. Tons of families are desperate for child care. We interviewed this fall looking for an au pair. We told one candidate that we had a dedicated au pair car for her to use. She asked me if it was a luxury car because another family was offering to let her have her own brand new Lexus SUV. Other families were offering one free round trip domestic ticket anywhere in the US per month on top of the stipend. I heard of families offering stipends as high as $500/wk.

For us, we let our prior au pair move to a different family for her second year (i.e., we didnt make her a counteroffer) because we were more conservative re COVID-19 than she is. Her current host family lets her do whatever, so she just flew across the country to a hot spot to be a tourist with a group of other au pairs over Thanksgiving weekend. One of those friends has now tested positive. I don't think she's isolating or quarantining. Should be interesting.

For us, we weren't okay with zero COVID restrictions so we were offering a higher stipend ($350/wk) and doing many things to try to salvage the cultural exchange aspect for our au pair. I spent a lot of effort coming up with safe ways to let our au pair feel like she was getting a full experience.

Our out of country match ended up not being able to come for now because of the Trump ban, so we ended up going a different direction for child care. Our out of country match is now unemployed and under quarantine with her family in her home country. She wishes she was here even with COVID because she'd have a job and be working on her English, rather than twiddling her thumbs for a year at home. She appreciates her life is shut down because of COVID, but all in all, would rather be an au pair.

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. In addition to the pay, we pay for her phone, insurance, and has access to our car. We also have her on the Uber family plan so she can go wherever she wants.

We pay for all her food, and of course cover room and board. She can work up to 45 hours per week as per the program, but has never even worked 40 hours per week with us.

So, the $200/week is play money for her.

You have a 3 yo and an 8 yo home all day, you work full time, and the AP doesn’t even work 40 hours? Who watches the kids during the day? What’s her schedule?

Why isn’t the 3 year old in preschool?

I have an 8 yo in virtual school and it’s a lot of work and frustrating for me, the parent. And there are a lot of breaks. Kid needs breakfast and lunch and then the day is over at 2, so there’s still half a day left to fill.

This AP took the job expecting your preschooler to be in some kind of basic preschool program, and your 2nd grader to be in school all day. That’s not the job she has now. The terms materially changed.

We have one family in our circle that uses an au pair and it’s so gross. Say whatever you want to justify it, but it’s sourcing a poor brown girl to come live in your house and parent your children, probably put up with your DH’s creep show.

Our neighbors who do this are the laziest, worst parents in the neighborhood. The au pair took their kids trick or treating!

And yes, I’m sure it’s a million times worse now that these girls are effectively locked in the house, can’t socialize with their home country peers, and on top of it all get to now manage home schooling for your kids. Which you WFH moms just LOVE to tell us relentlessly is a full time job. But sure, $200 a week (much of which gets paid back to the agency) should cover it.

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. In addition to the pay, we pay for her phone, insurance, and has access to our car. We also have her on the Uber family plan so she can go wherever she wants.

We pay for all her food, and of course cover room and board. She can work up to 45 hours per week as per the program, but has never even worked 40 hours per week with us.

So, the $200/week is play money for her.

Can you pay her more? Do you want to retain her? If so, offer her more. The stipend is only a suggested amount-- not necessarily what the job is worth. At forty hours a week, it's not unreasonable to ask for more money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 a week is all people pay full time au pairs?

Plus room, board, a phone and often a car.

How much did you have left over at the end of the month when all these were paid for when you were 20?

It’s basically indentured servitude. In the past, it was somewhat justified as a cultural exchange (although never really was), but that’s completely impossible during COVID. So I bet this au pair is doing more work than ever. No wonder she wants (and deserves) a raise! Yet this cheap-o think she’s generous because she’s exceeding the program minimum by $5?! I hope she walks and leaves your a$$. A better family will pick her up in a second. Disgusting people.

Have you had an au pair? If you are a good family these girls have it great. The work they do isn't all that hard, in many cases just dropping off and picking up kids. They spend lots of their weekends with other girls they meet from their home countries. It's a balance when done right, and $195.75 or so a week is plenty for them.

Typical attempt to justify, but it doesn’t work. You are exploiting women from other countries and paying them less than minimum wage to care for your children. It’s even worse during a pandemic. In any other context this would be illegal, if not for this weird loophole that so clearly should be closed. You are cheap, terrible people. All your friends and family think it, trust me.

If it's so bad, why do they volunteer for the job?

Actually, my understanding is that the au pair actually pays a fee to the agency as well as the host family. There may be some au pairs on here that can clarify.

OP here again. In addition to the pay, we pay for her phone, insurance, and has access to our car. We also have her on the Uber family plan so she can go wherever she wants.

We pay for all her food, and of course cover room and board. She can work up to 45 hours per week as per the program, but has never even worked 40 hours per week with us.

So, the $200/week is play money for her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are the ages of your kids and are they in real school all day or at home?

Funny how this question has been asked repeatedly and the OP, although returning to answer other questions, ignores this one.

Soooo multiple kids doing distance learning then. Got it.

Sorry. OP here. Was working all day, then taking care of dinner, bedtime etc. for the family.

My kids are 3 and 8. 8-year-old is doing virtual school until 2:30 every day. I have a 3-year-old who literally spends the entire day on an iPad - since the au pair doesn't engage him at all.

For those who are not aware, the au pair program is run through the U.S. State Department and has a strict list of requirements that all au pairs and host families must meet.

Anonymous wrote:There is one angry and vitriolic person who posts on all the threads in the au pair forum. She has found this thread, clearly. We know, we know....you think the au pair program is equivalent to indentured servitude. Many disagree.

I disagree and I made a lot less than $200/week. I'm an American who worked abroad as an au pair.

It was awesome.

There is one angry and vitriolic person who posts on all the threads in the au pair forum. She has found this thread, clearly. We know, we know....you think the au pair program is equivalent to indentured servitude. Many disagree.

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are the ages of your kids and are they in real school all day or at home?

Funny how this question has been asked repeatedly and the OP, although returning to answer other questions, ignores this one.

Soooo multiple kids doing distance learning then. Got it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why will no one answer whether they are permitting these girls to travel in the USA right now? Or does no one want to admit the hypocrisy of the new “all work and no play” (and for the same pay!) reality.

Since there aren't really travel restrictions, isn't it impossible to prevent your AP from traveling? They aren't slaves.

Mine just came back from seeing some national parks. She then quarantined on her floor (bedroom suite etc,) for 4 days wherein we brought her meals. Then we paid for an overnight PCR test. All of which we're happy to do because we understand that's the point of the program.

Aw, that's great!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why will no one answer whether they are permitting these girls to travel in the USA right now? Or does no one want to admit the hypocrisy of the new “all work and no play” (and for the same pay!) reality.

Since there aren't really travel restrictions, isn't it impossible to prevent your AP from traveling? They aren't slaves.

Mine just came back from seeing some national parks. She then quarantined on her floor (bedroom suite etc,) for 4 days wherein we brought her meals. Then we paid for an overnight PCR test. All of which we're happy to do because we understand that's the point of the program.

That sounds very reasonable. But is everyone doing this? OP, are you doing this?

You say this like every single au pair travels to every single city. They vary widely as to how much culture they go out and get.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 a week is all people pay full time au pairs?

Plus room, board, a phone and often a car.

How much did you have left over at the end of the month when all these were paid for when you were 20?

It’s basically indentured servitude. In the past, it was somewhat justified as a cultural exchange (although never really was), but that’s completely impossible during COVID. So I bet this au pair is doing more work than ever. No wonder she wants (and deserves) a raise! Yet this cheap-o think she’s generous because she’s exceeding the program minimum by $5?! I hope she walks and leaves your a$$. A better family will pick her up in a second. Disgusting people.

Have you had an au pair? If you are a good family these girls have it great. The work they do isn't all that hard, in many cases just dropping off and picking up kids. They spend lots of their weekends with other girls they meet from their home countries. It's a balance when done right, and $195.75 or so a week is plenty for them.

Typical attempt to justify, but it doesn’t work. You are exploiting women from other countries and paying them less than minimum wage to care for your children. It’s even worse during a pandemic. In any other context this would be illegal, if not for this weird loophole that so clearly should be closed. You are cheap, terrible people. All your friends and family think it, trust me.

If it's so bad, why do they volunteer for the job?