Anonymous wrote:^look if I thought there was a possibility of cheating, I’m thinking of MY HEALTH. I’m not planning how to seduce my spouse. I’m thinking I don’t want to catch some dreadful STI. I always would investigate any possibility of cheating if there were signs for thus very big reason.

I’m shocked at those that suggest burying head in sand anytime somebody has concerns a spouse may be cheating.

It’s like you’re trying to hard sell that for yourself. Women trim for comfort more often than for others. People have been egging the cheating angle on to wind you up. If you think this little of your wife there are much larger problems than sex.

I’m kind of starting to feel like this is a stimulation tool for the OP.

If I were you, I would have just asked her directly.

After all, she IS your wife/life partner.

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to disagree with others and say this is not cheating. She sounds like she has lost her sex drive and is insecure about her body and herself. She really may have trimmed down there because she didn’t want her OBgyn to judge her- though I’m pretty sure OBs have seen it all so who cares.
I do think it’s strange that she gave you an eye roll about it.

Sounds like you need to sit down and have an open and honest conversation about this. I’m mid 40s and have lost my sex drive and am literally repulsed by the thought of sex at times. I’m not cheating- I just don’t care about sex at all. I try to do it at least once a month with my husband but it’s actually quite difficult for me to get excited about it at all. I really wish there was something I could do to change my mindset- but the only thing that seems to work is drinking several glasses of wine. I don’t get turned on by porn or suggestive movies/books. Nothing. I’m guessing there are a lot of other women like me- because I’m always seeing posts on here about men upset with their wives and the lack of sex.

I don’t think the question has been asked yet- but are you in shape? Financially stable? Is there a possibly she has lost some attraction to you and that is why she doesn’t want sex?

Do you go on dates? Or spend time talking to one another? If there is no emotional connection- it’s very difficult (at least for me) to be remotely interested in sex.

Is there a chance this is cheating? Maybe, but I think you should explore the other possible reasons I listed above before jumping to that conclusion.

"I’m pretty sure OBs have seen it all so who cares." This.

Do people really groom their public hair for a doctor's appointment? Especially during COVID, I've truly come to embrace the mentality of "alright, I'm here" as being more than sufficient for most things.

^look if I thought there was a possibility of cheating, I’m thinking of MY HEALTH. I’m not planning how to seduce my spouse. I’m thinking I don’t want to catch some dreadful STI. I always would investigate any possibility of cheating if there were signs for thus very big reason.

I’m shocked at those that suggest burying head in sand anytime somebody has concerns a spouse may be cheating.

I’m going to disagree with others and say this is not cheating. She sounds like she has lost her sex drive and is insecure about her body and herself. She really may have trimmed down there because she didn’t want her OBgyn to judge her- though I’m pretty sure OBs have seen it all so who cares.
I do think it’s strange that she gave you an eye roll about it.

Sounds like you need to sit down and have an open and honest conversation about this. I’m mid 40s and have lost my sex drive and am literally repulsed by the thought of sex at times. I’m not cheating- I just don’t care about sex at all. I try to do it at least once a month with my husband but it’s actually quite difficult for me to get excited about it at all. I really wish there was something I could do to change my mindset- but the only thing that seems to work is drinking several glasses of wine. I don’t get turned on by porn or suggestive movies/books. Nothing. I’m guessing there are a lot of other women like me- because I’m always seeing posts on here about men upset with their wives and the lack of sex.

I don’t think the question has been asked yet- but are you in shape? Financially stable? Is there a possibly she has lost some attraction to you and that is why she doesn’t want sex?

Do you go on dates? Or spend time talking to one another? If there is no emotional connection- it’s very difficult (at least for me) to be remotely interested in sex.

Is there a chance this is cheating? Maybe, but I think you should explore the other possible reasons I listed above before jumping to that conclusion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know,op. Sounds like she initiated and wanted to surprise/please you. She needs encouragement, not accusations of cheating. You're about to blow up your marriage for flawed suspicions

This.

She groomed for you and expected a reaction. You blew it.

I groom extra short when I expect oral.

OP here, she doesn't like oral anymore. Used to love it. Yes, we aren't in a good spot, but she insists she's happy or at least content. I know it's hard to fathom, I am not happy with this and as you could see I would find it far better to be cheated on than denied

Dude, I’m fairly certain she is cheating.

But if I have told her repeatedly I am open to non-monogamy, why wouldn't she be honest? Maybe you are right and I am a sucker

Because she doesn’t want you screwing other women, but she wants to keep screwing the guy she’s banging. So she doesn’t want to agree to open the marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know,op. Sounds like she initiated and wanted to surprise/please you. She needs encouragement, not accusations of cheating. You're about to blow up your marriage for flawed suspicions

This.

She groomed for you and expected a reaction. You blew it.

I groom extra short when I expect oral.

OP here, she doesn't like oral anymore. Used to love it. Yes, we aren't in a good spot, but she insists she's happy or at least content. I know it's hard to fathom, I am not happy with this and as you could see I would find it far better to be cheated on than denied

Dude, I’m fairly certain she is cheating.

But if I have told her repeatedly I am open to non-monogamy, why wouldn't she be honest? Maybe you are right and I am a sucker

You are enjoying thinking she’s cheating.

It COULD be or it could be innocent. Gotta have other facts before making accusations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know,op. Sounds like she initiated and wanted to surprise/please you. She needs encouragement, not accusations of cheating. You're about to blow up your marriage for flawed suspicions

This.

She groomed for you and expected a reaction. You blew it.

I groom extra short when I expect oral.

OP here, she doesn't like oral anymore. Used to love it. Yes, we aren't in a good spot, but she insists she's happy or at least content. I know it's hard to fathom, I am not happy with this and as you could see I would find it far better to be cheated on than denied

Dude, I’m fairly certain she is cheating.

But if I have told her repeatedly I am open to non-monogamy, why wouldn't she be honest? Maybe you are right and I am a sucker

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know,op. Sounds like she initiated and wanted to surprise/please you. She needs encouragement, not accusations of cheating. You're about to blow up your marriage for flawed suspicions

This.

She groomed for you and expected a reaction. You blew it.

I groom extra short when I expect oral.

OP here, she doesn't like oral anymore. Used to love it. Yes, we aren't in a good spot, but she insists she's happy or at least content. I know it's hard to fathom, I am not happy with this and as you could see I would find it far better to be cheated on than denied

Dude, I’m fairly certain she is cheating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know,op. Sounds like she initiated and wanted to surprise/please you. She needs encouragement, not accusations of cheating. You're about to blow up your marriage for flawed suspicions

This.

She groomed for you and expected a reaction. You blew it.

I groom extra short when I expect oral.

OP here, she doesn't like oral anymore. Used to love it. Yes, we aren't in a good spot, but she insists she's happy or at least content. I know it's hard to fathom, I am not happy with this and as you could see I would find it far better to be cheated on than denied

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, she said she did it before her gyn appointment. So congrats, I suppose, to the PP who suggested that.

I told her it was hot and she eye-rolled me. So that issue is still there. Not sure if I am better off with an innocent explanation and just to go back to the sad loser but here we are.

She still heard you. You really are trying to make the worst case out of your wife requesting sex the other night. If you’d said it in the moment it would have been better. You noticed it enough to posit strangers.

Court your wife. Let the resentment go.

You are still having sex more than many couples. Even if it’s less exuberant and frequent than you expect/expected. Pouting is not inviting. Claiming you’re a loser will absolutely make that happen. She made plans to hook up with you. You’re best bet is to say how much you liked that. That you felt loved.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, she said she did it before her gyn appointment. So congrats, I suppose, to the PP who suggested that.

I told her it was hot and she eye-rolled me. So that issue is still there. Not sure if I am better off with an innocent explanation and just to go back to the sad loser but here we are.

She still heard you. You really are trying to make the worst case out of your wife requesting sex the other night. If you’d said it in the moment it would have been better. You noticed it enough to posit strangers.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, she said she did it before her gyn appointment. So congrats, I suppose, to the PP who suggested that.

I told her it was hot and she eye-rolled me. So that issue is still there. Not sure if I am better off with an innocent explanation and just to go back to the sad loser but here we are.

The eye roll says it all. She might have gone for her sti tests. Gotta show the papers to the married cheaters she hooks up with..or she was going in gr aise of symptoms of one she already caught. Just sayin’