Divorce or outsource

Your husband should go get the boxes because it would make you happy.

When it’s time to put them away again, don’t store them in the attic.

I wouldn’t be using those attic stairs if they are the way you describe them. Might it be that your husband is a little worried about the steps too?

Go get a good sturdy ladder and the two of you can ge the boxes down with you waiting at the bottom to make sure he’s okay.

It’d be a good bonding experience, and will probably go down in family legend.

I learned a lot from watching my parents fight, and from watching them work together to solve problems. Those aren’t bad skills to learn.

As for your stress, slow the hell down. I’m serious.

You shouldn’t be as stressed as you are with two kids, kids who aren’t in school, so your time is your own.

If you don’t want to make Thanksgiving dinner, get take-out. Your kids will be thrilled especially if one of the take-out options is pizza or Mcdonald’s.

You are an adult, the beauty of being an adult is that there is very little you have to do.

The Christmas decorations matter to you, and based on that, your husband should help you get them down especially if it is a difficult chore.

Outsourcing to a handyman is a good idea, they are in business to do the jobs husbands (and some wives) can’t or don’t want to do. Nothing wrong with hiring one.


I wouldn’t ‘have a friend help”. The friend had no vote in putting the decorations in that location, and the friend won’t be there to enjoy your family on Christmas morning. Also, a friend won’t ever look on your husband the same way if you tell her (or him) “Billy won’t get the Christmas decorations down”. They will think of your husband as a rat. Believe me, you don’t want your friends to view your husband that way, especially if the friend is an opposite sex friend.

If you hire a handyman, your female friends will think “great idea!” and your male friends can’t argue about you hiring a legitimate professional to do legitimate work, and they will be in the wrong if they sniff about it.

Finally, cool it with the dramatics. Five years ago, you were real excited about having a baby with your husband. You liked him enough to have another baby, and you like him enough to remain married. He’d figure it out if you died, just as you would.

Most men don’t care about the dentist until their wives make them care, that’s how it was for my husband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you listening to him. Store the Christmas items in the garage if that is easier for you. When you take them down just put them in the garage. Don't discuss it.

Return the items, don't discuss it. You don't need to be able to know about car dents to go to the shop and asked for it to be fixed. If they charge more, well your husband makes a lot, so be it. Get a couple of different quotes if it makes you feel better.

I have no idea why you would get an unorganised person to book flights. It gives me a headache just thinking about it.

I understand its frustrating but being given a chore list for your days off is equally frustrating. You are leaving everything up to him and he doesn't care, forgets, is disinterested. So stop asking for permission and just do what you need to do, you are an adult.

If your kids are young, not decorating for Christmas to make a point to your husband is yucky. Christmas is special for kids, its about them, don't ruin it for them.

I don't see how you can't get into the attic and move smaller items if need be rather than the whole lot at once. It really can't be that hard.

If it takes more time doing these things, then perhaps dinner may need to be take out. Perhaps you don't have time to do his laundry or some other task you may do. There are only so many hours in the day, if you need to spend time on that, let something else unimportant slide.

It’s mostly an issue that with 2 young kids, I am completely mentally burned out at the mental and physical load of raising a family. I get frustrated that he can’t *think* about anything. Like it wouldn’t even cross his mind to set up a christmas tree, even on Xmas eve. Everything is done last minute with no consideration. If I didn’t plan the whole thanksgiving we would be eating frozen pizza. He just takes zero initiative for anything and doesn’t realize the hundreds and hundreds of daily considerations and decisions that need to be made with kids. If I died my kids would never go to the dentist again.

I'm so sorry. It does sound exhausting, draining and frustrating. I just don't think he is going to change which is why I wrote what I did. I would be working out what needs to be done and letting other stuff go (perhaps errands you do for him) as well as outsourcing. The kids aren't going to be young forever so give yourself a break during these years.

Stop arguing with him. That's only wasting energy. Who cares if he doesn't want to return items, don't say anything. Just pack it up and return it. Job done. That is so much easier than it lying around and arguing about it and then getting frustrated about it. I would outsource as well. Don't ask, just do it.

Honestly this is why I think people end up divorcing, the years of resentment built up by him being so useless. Only you can change something because he isn't going to do anything differently. I hope in a couple of years when the kids are older, things get easier for you.

This. OP, he isn't going to change. You should just start handling things your way without consulting him.

Really think, OP, about each thing you do and why you do it. Are you doing it for the kids? For yourself? For him? Figure out what actually matters to who. Kids are often satisfied with much, much less as long as they have a few key items that for whatever reason they care about. If you're doing things that nobody but you cares about, then you shouldn't expect others to help very much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you listening to him. Store the Christmas items in the garage if that is easier for you. When you take them down just put them in the garage. Don't discuss it.

Return the items, don't discuss it. You don't need to be able to know about car dents to go to the shop and asked for it to be fixed. If they charge more, well your husband makes a lot, so be it. Get a couple of different quotes if it makes you feel better.

I have no idea why you would get an unorganised person to book flights. It gives me a headache just thinking about it.

I understand its frustrating but being given a chore list for your days off is equally frustrating. You are leaving everything up to him and he doesn't care, forgets, is disinterested. So stop asking for permission and just do what you need to do, you are an adult.

If your kids are young, not decorating for Christmas to make a point to your husband is yucky. Christmas is special for kids, its about them, don't ruin it for them.

I don't see how you can't get into the attic and move smaller items if need be rather than the whole lot at once. It really can't be that hard.

If it takes more time doing these things, then perhaps dinner may need to be take out. Perhaps you don't have time to do his laundry or some other task you may do. There are only so many hours in the day, if you need to spend time on that, let something else unimportant slide.

It’s mostly an issue that with 2 young kids, I am completely mentally burned out at the mental and physical load of raising a family. I get frustrated that he can’t *think* about anything. Like it wouldn’t even cross his mind to set up a christmas tree, even on Xmas eve. Everything is done last minute with no consideration. If I didn’t plan the whole thanksgiving we would be eating frozen pizza. He just takes zero initiative for anything and doesn’t realize the hundreds and hundreds of daily considerations and decisions that need to be made with kids. If I died my kids would never go to the dentist again.

I'm so sorry. It does sound exhausting, draining and frustrating. I just don't think he is going to change which is why I wrote what I did. I would be working out what needs to be done and letting other stuff go (perhaps errands you do for him) as well as outsourcing. The kids aren't going to be young forever so give yourself a break during these years.

Stop arguing with him. That's only wasting energy. Who cares if he doesn't want to return items, don't say anything. Just pack it up and return it. Job done. That is so much easier than it lying around and arguing about it and then getting frustrated about it. I would outsource as well. Don't ask, just do it.

Honestly this is why I think people end up divorcing, the years of resentment built up by him being so useless. Only you can change something because he isn't going to do anything differently. I hope in a couple of years when the kids are older, things get easier for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People suggesting outsourcing: Have you actually done this? Where did you find someone? Care.com, friend, church?

Task Rabbit is an app where you can hire out things like this. You can get a young, inexperienced person for non-skilled things to do and real handymen with their own tools, etc. I’ve used them flee real times for things like the OP is asking about - DH was sent away off and on for work for many months and I just needed (well, wanted) help with minor things around the house.

+1. I once had someone come and help break down all of my moving boxes and take them to recycling. Or they can do things list items for sale on eBay, Poshmark, Mercari. Run errands for you when you're not feeling well, do store returns before you miss the refund window. There is a whole new world of efficiency out there!

Anonymous wrote:People suggesting outsourcing: Have you actually done this? Where did you find someone? Care.com, friend, church?

https://www.handy.com/

https://www.taskrabbit.com/

Anonymous wrote:Wait, seriously. Is everyone already decorating for Christmas already?? It's not even thanksgiving yet!! Hold your horses!

Nay!! /s

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- I physically can’t carry the stuff down the narrow little ladder.

Wait--why exactly can't you physically carry stuff down the narrow little ladder? Pretty sure none of this stuff weighs 60+ pounds so unless you have some kind of serious physical limitation I'll bet anything you are as physically capable of this task as he is. Or is he just that much taller than you? Why not make this a team effort anyway and you BOTH haul the stuff down? Safer anyway than one person hauling anything down a ladder. And as for the tree, much easier if one can push it down through the opening with a second below to receive it. So, like, go pull the ladder down and say "Larlo, I need a hand here".

Most of the items are in huge tupperware bins that are hard for me to handle especially climbing up and down. He's 6'3, I am 5'2.

You are creating ridiculous excuses. If you want the Christmas decorations down, you can get them down. If you are not physically able then you really need to start working out. That should be a bigger priority than house decorating.

Stop it - there are some things that I *could* do, but are just a lot easier from a physical standpoint for my DH to do, and our height discrepancy isn’t as big as the OP and her DH.

Add to that that OP is likely doing the bulk of housework and child rearing...and then she has to tote barges and lift bales just because she can? No. Getting Christmas decorations down is the least he could do. If he thinks it’s a little early, he should say so. Not, yes, I will do it and a week later OP is still waiting.

OP can either do it herself or stop complaining. Her husband sees no value in it.

My father in law doesn’t work, doesn’t do any housework etc. Shortly before my marriage he told me that his secret to being happy is just wait until someone cares enough to actually do it. If he refused to wash dishes or do laundry his wife (80 hr a week job) eventually would. I’ve had some fights with him, but that was the biggest. I feel like deciding just to do it yourself lets the husband off the hook and lets the wife go on feeling like the husband doesn’t care enough to help.

Anonymous wrote:People suggesting outsourcing: Have you actually done this? Where did you find someone? Care.com, friend, church?

Task Rabbit is an app where you can hire out things like this. You can get a young, inexperienced person for non-skilled things to do and real handymen with their own tools, etc. I’ve used them flee real times for things like the OP is asking about - DH was sent away off and on for work for many months and I just needed (well, wanted) help with minor things around the house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100 percent the answer is to hire a handyman.

Make a list of everything you need done and have him come once a quarter to check items off.

Don't ask permission - just hire and pay.

This is easier said than done. There aren’t a lot of people willing to do this.

Task Rabbit is great for stuff like this.

My tree isn’t going up this year because my cat attacks it. But at least I don’t have to haul it up from the basement.

People suggesting outsourcing: Have you actually done this? Where did you find someone? Care.com, friend, church?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- I physically can’t carry the stuff down the narrow little ladder.

Wait--why exactly can't you physically carry stuff down the narrow little ladder? Pretty sure none of this stuff weighs 60+ pounds so unless you have some kind of serious physical limitation I'll bet anything you are as physically capable of this task as he is. Or is he just that much taller than you? Why not make this a team effort anyway and you BOTH haul the stuff down? Safer anyway than one person hauling anything down a ladder. And as for the tree, much easier if one can push it down through the opening with a second below to receive it. So, like, go pull the ladder down and say "Larlo, I need a hand here".

Most of the items are in huge tupperware bins that are hard for me to handle especially climbing up and down. He's 6'3, I am 5'2.

You are creating ridiculous excuses. If you want the Christmas decorations down, you can get them down. If you are not physically able then you really need to start working out. That should be a bigger priority than house decorating.

Stop it - there are some things that I *could* do, but are just a lot easier from a physical standpoint for my DH to do, and our height discrepancy isn’t as big as the OP and her DH.

Add to that that OP is likely doing the bulk of housework and child rearing...and then she has to tote barges and lift bales just because she can? No. Getting Christmas decorations down is the least he could do. If he thinks it’s a little early, he should say so. Not, yes, I will do it and a week later OP is still waiting.

OP can either do it herself or stop complaining. Her husband sees no value in it.

Then the dh should let her store it where she can actually access it herself! Short PP here and if I tried to get the tree down, the long box would slip out of my short arms and we'd have a green plastic explosion everywhere. I'd prefer it stored in the garage but my dh also puts it in the attic-ok, then he can get it back down.