Anonymous wrote:I mean....should a boyfriend have to support his girlfriend? No.

At the same time....this would make me feel like he doesn't like me much and doesnt see much of a future with me, and might be a cheap or stingy husband.

It sounds like she pays half the rent. The problem is she can’t keep up with sharing everything else - utilities, cable packages, groceries, etc.

This guy sounds like he’s trying to take as much as possible and offering as little support as possible. You’re better off alone OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend who wanted to get married to a man but she had student loans. They met in their mid 20s. He made her pay off those loans before he considered proposing. She was into her 30s before those loans were paid off. They are married now. I'm sure he loved her but he is just a prudent guy. Shes a stay at home mom now with their kids so I suppose it worked out.

Ick, if a man treated me like this I don't think I'd marry him. Although I have to admit, I'd make a man pay off his loans before I'd marry him.

To each their own standards.

Double standard by the look of it. Funny how women won't tolerate the sort of craziness they expect men to tolerate.

Op I would love to work part time but I couldn't afford my lifestyle. I would love to study part time but I couldn't afford my lifestyle. Part of being an adult is taking care of your own responsibilities.

You had a job which you could afford your lifestyle but gave that up when someone came along to support you.

Instead of getting a second job or figuring it out for yourself, you are mad at him for not paying for you.

I wonder if you would have paid his bills in the beginning if he moved in and couldn't pay for his share of the electricity? Most women would call that a red flag, a mooch, I doubt you would have paid.

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend who wanted to get married to a man but she had student loans. They met in their mid 20s. He made her pay off those loans before he considered proposing. She was into her 30s before those loans were paid off. They are married now. I'm sure he loved her but he is just a prudent guy. Shes a stay at home mom now with their kids so I suppose it worked out.

Ick, if a man treated me like this I don't think I'd marry him. Although I have to admit, I'd make a man pay off his loans before I'd marry him.

To each their own standards.

I mean....should a boyfriend have to support his girlfriend? No.

At the same time....this would make me feel like he doesn't like me much and doesnt see much of a future with me, and might be a cheap or stingy husband.

Why don't you pick up a part-time job for additional cash while you try to find higher paying job? This guy has no obligation to support you or vice versa.

Pp again. At the end of the day, it does not sound like a good match. He could have suggested a cheaper apartment since OP’s financial situation has changed. But asking her to pay half and not covering her doesn’t sound like love either. I could see both sides. I would be hurt if I were OP. I don’t think I would handle it the way OP is. I would have too much pride and get a second job or a different better paying job. I would also kick this guy to the curb who treated me so poorly and made me feel bad about money.

I have friends who had husbands (then boyfriends) support them through grad school. I have one friend whose DH said he knew she was the one. They moved in together, he paid the rent and she went to school. He would have had his own place anyway so she just lived with him rent free. When she started working, he still paid for all the living expenses and they always saved her income 100%. When she had kids, she stayed home for a few years and it was easy to live off his income like they always had. Now she is back to work and her kids are in elementary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this post was going to say he was breaking up with you by telling you that he didn’t want to renew the lease


Girl, no you have to pay your rent. Why would he put himself in a position to cover your portion of the rent if you are possibly unable to?

That’s very selfish and you need to see things from a different lense

He’s not saying he doesn’t want to be with you, he’s saying it would strain the relationship if you aren’t able to pay your rent and needs to do what is right for him financially

My pay does cover half the rent, but it doesn't leave a lot for utilities and groceries
He eats more than me, I get food at work as I am in food service.
So perhaps splitting groceries in half makes no sense

He also takes longer showers
Now he is coming to Thanksgiving at my parents and not contributing to the cost of the meal

What? You sound like you are 15 or something. Your BF likely has financial goals and picking up bills that you should be splitting will not allow him to reach those goals. Your examples are ridiculous. The fact that you think he should somehow pay his way for coming to your family’s for Thanksgiving is the height of tackiness. You’re reaching.

+1 Do your parents normally expect their Thanksgiving guests to pay for dinner?

I would never accept money from an invited dinner guest. Really tacky and gross, OP.

Generally everyone does something to contribute
You bring a dish to share, flowers, bottle of wine

Some families do have to count every dime

Wow I can’t believe you expect him to pay your rent, are complaining he eats more then you and takes longer showers AND that he isn’t contributing to your family’s thanksgiving dinner. He should run from you.

OP does pay rent
Her income dropped because she took a position that promised more advancement opportunities
Yes, you should always contribute when being invited.
Flowers are a good idea

Pp here. I’m a SAHM and DH earns a seven figure income. When we were first dating, he treated me to all my meals. I would never have expected him to pay my rent. When he came to my parents’ home, he did bring something. I want to say it was dessert. I don’t even remember it was so long ago. I don’t think bringing something to a dinner is something to even discuss or think about until a day or so before the dinner.

We are staying local and probably going to a friend’s house for a meal next week. I have not thought over a week in advance what I will bring. Maybe some wine we have at the house. We have tons of wine. Maybe we will pick up a pie and/or some fruit. I hardly think this is something to argue about before thanksgiving dinner.

I would be so annoyed if someone got mad at me in advance for not bringing something to a dinner that didn’t happen. From OP’s post, it sounds like she wanted him to contribute financially to pay for the dinner. That is just straight up rude to expect of her boyfriend. That is why I said her bf should run.

Not renewing the lease sounds a lot like breaking up.

Is that what’s happening?

Personally, I don’t see how you downshift from living together to moving out without breaking up. This is what your boyfriend is doing. Maybe it’s because of the money, maybe not, but the end of a lease is a natural end point to end the relationship.

I’m sorry OP.

Is your boyfriend open to finding a cheaper place with you? It sounds like your current situation isn’t sustainable. And if you’re going to add the expense of part-time school, it will become more of a burden on him. It is much better to talk through this now, before it’s a much bigger problem.

OP does pay rent
Her income dropped because she took a position that promised more advancement opportunities
Yes, you should always contribute when being invited.
Flowers are a good idea

In OP's own words: "I couldn't take the stress and went back to my old job that paid less, but had a promise of advancement." "[My BF] is very irritated that I do not pay my way"

We all know how much a 'promise' from an employer is. OP and her soon-to-be XBF aren't on the same page financially. That's a valid reason for a breakup.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this post was going to say he was breaking up with you by telling you that he didn’t want to renew the lease


Girl, no you have to pay your rent. Why would he put himself in a position to cover your portion of the rent if you are possibly unable to?

That’s very selfish and you need to see things from a different lense

He’s not saying he doesn’t want to be with you, he’s saying it would strain the relationship if you aren’t able to pay your rent and needs to do what is right for him financially

My pay does cover half the rent, but it doesn't leave a lot for utilities and groceries
He eats more than me, I get food at work as I am in food service.
So perhaps splitting groceries in half makes no sense

He also takes longer showers
Now he is coming to Thanksgiving at my parents and not contributing to the cost of the meal

What? You sound like you are 15 or something. Your BF likely has financial goals and picking up bills that you should be splitting will not allow him to reach those goals. Your examples are ridiculous. The fact that you think he should somehow pay his way for coming to your family’s for Thanksgiving is the height of tackiness. You’re reaching.

+1 Do your parents normally expect their Thanksgiving guests to pay for dinner?

I would never accept money from an invited dinner guest. Really tacky and gross, OP.

Generally everyone does something to contribute
You bring a dish to share, flowers, bottle of wine

Some families do have to count every dime

Wow I can’t believe you expect him to pay your rent, are complaining he eats more then you and takes longer showers AND that he isn’t contributing to your family’s thanksgiving dinner. He should run from you.

OP does pay rent
Her income dropped because she took a position that promised more advancement opportunities
Yes, you should always contribute when being invited.
Flowers are a good idea

She doesn't pay her full share

Not her roommate's problem

A host should never expect anything

Flowers are lovely but OP was referring to the "cost of the meal" and complained about showers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this post was going to say he was breaking up with you by telling you that he didn’t want to renew the lease


Girl, no you have to pay your rent. Why would he put himself in a position to cover your portion of the rent if you are possibly unable to?

That’s very selfish and you need to see things from a different lense

He’s not saying he doesn’t want to be with you, he’s saying it would strain the relationship if you aren’t able to pay your rent and needs to do what is right for him financially

My pay does cover half the rent, but it doesn't leave a lot for utilities and groceries
He eats more than me, I get food at work as I am in food service.
So perhaps splitting groceries in half makes no sense

He also takes longer showers
Now he is coming to Thanksgiving at my parents and not contributing to the cost of the meal

What? You sound like you are 15 or something. Your BF likely has financial goals and picking up bills that you should be splitting will not allow him to reach those goals. Your examples are ridiculous. The fact that you think he should somehow pay his way for coming to your family’s for Thanksgiving is the height of tackiness. You’re reaching.

+1 Do your parents normally expect their Thanksgiving guests to pay for dinner?

I would never accept money from an invited dinner guest. Really tacky and gross, OP.

Generally everyone does something to contribute
You bring a dish to share, flowers, bottle of wine

Some families do have to count every dime

Wow I can’t believe you expect him to pay your rent, are complaining he eats more then you and takes longer showers AND that he isn’t contributing to your family’s thanksgiving dinner. He should run from you.

OP does pay rent
Her income dropped because she took a position that promised more advancement opportunities
Yes, you should always contribute when being invited.
Flowers are a good idea

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this post was going to say he was breaking up with you by telling you that he didn’t want to renew the lease


Girl, no you have to pay your rent. Why would he put himself in a position to cover your portion of the rent if you are possibly unable to?

That’s very selfish and you need to see things from a different lense

He’s not saying he doesn’t want to be with you, he’s saying it would strain the relationship if you aren’t able to pay your rent and needs to do what is right for him financially

My pay does cover half the rent, but it doesn't leave a lot for utilities and groceries
He eats more than me, I get food at work as I am in food service.
So perhaps splitting groceries in half makes no sense

He also takes longer showers
Now he is coming to Thanksgiving at my parents and not contributing to the cost of the meal

What? You sound like you are 15 or something. Your BF likely has financial goals and picking up bills that you should be splitting will not allow him to reach those goals. Your examples are ridiculous. The fact that you think he should somehow pay his way for coming to your family’s for Thanksgiving is the height of tackiness. You’re reaching.

+1 Do your parents normally expect their Thanksgiving guests to pay for dinner?

I would never accept money from an invited dinner guest. Really tacky and gross, OP.

Generally everyone does something to contribute
You bring a dish to share, flowers, bottle of wine

Some families do have to count every dime

Wow I can’t believe you expect him to pay your rent, are complaining he eats more then you and takes longer showers AND that he isn’t contributing to your family’s thanksgiving dinner. He should run from you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this post was going to say he was breaking up with you by telling you that he didn’t want to renew the lease


Girl, no you have to pay your rent. Why would he put himself in a position to cover your portion of the rent if you are possibly unable to?

That’s very selfish and you need to see things from a different lense

He’s not saying he doesn’t want to be with you, he’s saying it would strain the relationship if you aren’t able to pay your rent and needs to do what is right for him financially

My pay does cover half the rent, but it doesn't leave a lot for utilities and groceries
He eats more than me, I get food at work as I am in food service.
So perhaps splitting groceries in half makes no sense

He also takes longer showers
Now he is coming to Thanksgiving at my parents and not contributing to the cost of the meal

What? You sound like you are 15 or something. Your BF likely has financial goals and picking up bills that you should be splitting will not allow him to reach those goals. Your examples are ridiculous. The fact that you think he should somehow pay his way for coming to your family’s for Thanksgiving is the height of tackiness. You’re reaching.

+1 Do your parents normally expect their Thanksgiving guests to pay for dinner?

I would never accept money from an invited dinner guest. Really tacky and gross, OP.

Generally everyone does something to contribute
You bring a dish to share, flowers, bottle of wine

Some families do have to count every dime