Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel terrible about it but I actually married a woman I wasn't very attracted to and ended up having kids with her. Intellectually, logically, the relationship made a ton of sense. She had lots of great attributes. Other people thought she was very attractive and in fact several times random friends were like, "dude how did you land her?" But I just was not physically attracted and the sex was not good. I don't think that's WHY we ended up divorcing, but it certainly would have made for an overall healthier relationship if the physical chemistry and desire to be intimate were there. I feel like an idiot looking back - why did I ever let the relationship continue and even progress to marriage. But it's just like this weird slippery slope thing where you get tangled into it. So stupid. Don't do what I did

I'm a woman and cannot understand this. Don't you have to be attracted to someone to get aroused as a man?

If you are sitting at a bar and a woman runs her hand up your thigh you can get aroused and your small brain takes over even if she is not attractive. Try it sometime and I guarantee it will work.

I'm the OP of the terrible marriage story and all I can say is that at 40 years old I can get an erection just staring at the wall or even while I'm working on an intense research project. I always really dreaded when my wife would try to initiate sex, but although it may seem strange, getting an erection was not a problem at all. It's kind of like I can eat McDonalds if I'm on a long road trip with no other restaurants in 150 miles, but it's fairly off-putting.

Anonymous wrote:Aren't most men on some level attracted to the women in porn, since they consume so much of it? Aren't most men settling when they actually prefer the women in porn?

your premise on porn consumption is off. survey after survey (e.g., magazines which cater to women, such as cosmopolitan, marie claire) shows that between 40-50% of women watch porn. Hustler video says that 56% of their customers are women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, never.

Here's something I can't believe needs to be said:

If a man asks you out, he wants to sleep with you. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

He also will be interested in your thoughts. He'll be curious about your tastes in music, food, architecture, art, etc. But first and foremost he wants to be inside you.

Well that is blunt. I would say yes to date with a man for many reasons, with attraction being one, but sex is not the first thing on my mind.

Guy here - when I asked a woman out the first thing I was interested in was her saying yes to going out with me. If she said yes and the date went well my focus was on getting a second date. At that point I’d start thinking about sex and hope that she might think about it too. I was pretty sure that women don’t think about screwing some guy on the first date. If I was wrong in that assumption I guess I really missed out!

A woman knows if she's going to screw you in the first ten minutes of meeting you.

I took walks regularly with a male friend for about nine months before it ever occurred to me that I found him attractive "in that way". Initially he was not my type at all, simply a nice guy to get some exercise with. But when I finally saw him in that light, then all bets were off, and our sexual chemistry, attraction, and compatibility on every level were nearly perfect. Best Sex Ever!

We were definitely close enough to marry and live happily ever after, but our lives went in different directions (geographically). We still remain good friends, mainly through communicating regularly by text, and honestly it is always a magically happy experience on those rare occasions when we meet in person (as we live in distant parts of the world) over the years. But we have now both been married (to others) for many, many years, and are always good about not crossing any line.

He remains one of my life's great gifts to this day. And this is a man I can honestly say I was not attracted to at all in the many months we regularly spent together initially.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, never.

Here's something I can't believe needs to be said:

If a man asks you out, he wants to sleep with you. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

He also will be interested in your thoughts. He'll be curious about your tastes in music, food, architecture, art, etc. But first and foremost he wants to be inside you.

Well that is blunt. I would say yes to date with a man for many reasons, with attraction being one, but sex is not the first thing on my mind.

Guy here - when I asked a woman out the first thing I was interested in was her saying yes to going out with me. If she said yes and the date went well my focus was on getting a second date. At that point I’d start thinking about sex and hope that she might think about it too. I was pretty sure that women don’t think about screwing some guy on the first date. If I was wrong in that assumption I guess I really missed out!

A woman knows if she's going to screw you in the first ten minutes of meeting you.

Thanks for that info. From now on I will not invest anything more than a cup of coffee....at Dunkin Donuts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, never.

Here's something I can't believe needs to be said:

If a man asks you out, he wants to sleep with you. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

He also will be interested in your thoughts. He'll be curious about your tastes in music, food, architecture, art, etc. But first and foremost he wants to be inside you.

Well that is blunt. I would say yes to date with a man for many reasons, with attraction being one, but sex is not the first thing on my mind.

Guy here - when I asked a woman out the first thing I was interested in was her saying yes to going out with me. If she said yes and the date went well my focus was on getting a second date. At that point I’d start thinking about sex and hope that she might think about it too. I was pretty sure that women don’t think about screwing some guy on the first date. If I was wrong in that assumption I guess I really missed out!

A woman knows if she's going to screw you in the first ten minutes of meeting you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It took me a while to realize that what I thought was me not being shallow was really just me being afraid of rejection and going for low hanging fruit or accepting advances from any borderline attractive woman who made the first move. I've been much more deliberate about who I go out with now.

Wow, it’s really impressive that you matured and realized that you are truly worthy of only really attractive women, and not being shallow about looks was a failing on your part. Seems like you got some true wisdom there.
It’s really unbelievable the way men think, and this post is an example of that. Congrats to you on growing up and rejecting all the “borderline attractive women.”

Cynical Gen X woman here.

It's unbelievable to me how we actually thought men would evolve into these enlightened people, alongside us. Nope. They learn most of life's lessons by watching The Simpsons. And they spend a lot of time watching porn.

OMG. I hope that what I hear from men on here isn’t the norm and so this thinking isn’t the norm. If it is the norm, I agree with you and wish I didn’t read some of the stuff men post on here. Maybe it’s wishful thinking on my part that not all men think like this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel terrible about it but I actually married a woman I wasn't very attracted to and ended up having kids with her. Intellectually, logically, the relationship made a ton of sense. She had lots of great attributes. Other people thought she was very attractive and in fact several times random friends were like, "dude how did you land her?" But I just was not physically attracted and the sex was not good. I don't think that's WHY we ended up divorcing, but it certainly would have made for an overall healthier relationship if the physical chemistry and desire to be intimate were there. I feel like an idiot looking back - why did I ever let the relationship continue and even progress to marriage. But it's just like this weird slippery slope thing where you get tangled into it. So stupid. Don't do what I did

I'm a woman and cannot understand this. Don't you have to be attracted to someone to get aroused as a man?

If you are sitting at a bar and a woman runs her hand up your thigh you can get aroused and your small brain takes over even if she is not attractive. Try it sometime and I guarantee it will work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dated a guy for 2 years who wasn’t attracted to me. I was objectively attractive - 24-25 yo, size 2, while he was mid 30s and overweight - but he was only attracted to celebrities and porn stars. Zero interest in sex with me and constantly blabbered on about whatever celeb he thought was a hottie. Pressured me to look more like a porn star.

Weird thing was he was super resistant to breaking up. No idea why since he didn’t want sex.

You were a convenient beard.

Wow-- first thing I thought too. He sounds gay.

Anonymous wrote:I feel terrible about it but I actually married a woman I wasn't very attracted to and ended up having kids with her. Intellectually, logically, the relationship made a ton of sense. She had lots of great attributes. Other people thought she was very attractive and in fact several times random friends were like, "dude how did you land her?" But I just was not physically attracted and the sex was not good. I don't think that's WHY we ended up divorcing, but it certainly would have made for an overall healthier relationship if the physical chemistry and desire to be intimate were there. I feel like an idiot looking back - why did I ever let the relationship continue and even progress to marriage. But it's just like this weird slippery slope thing where you get tangled into it. So stupid. Don't do what I did

I'm a woman and cannot understand this. Don't you have to be attracted to someone to get aroused as a man?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It took me a while to realize that what I thought was me not being shallow was really just me being afraid of rejection and going for low hanging fruit or accepting advances from any borderline attractive woman who made the first move. I've been much more deliberate about who I go out with now.

I'm a recently divorced woman. I'm discovering the same about myself. I used to stay away from the muscley guys, telling myself they were dumb meatheads and pretending I was more attracted to quirky or nerdy men. Then, lo and behold, I got to know one of those meatheads and discovered he's actually very likable, in addition to being effing hot. We started dating, and now I fear he has ruined me for the future -- I now crave his body type and feel true lust for the first time and realize I'm shallow after all.

The problem is, I worry he's in the stage you're describing and only with me because I made the first move!

Not the worse problem to have. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife isn't the most beautiful woman I ever dated but she is far and away the most attractive. Beauty can fade but those other intangibles can even get better with age.

Very true!

Agree - when you’re young and dumb hotness is the prerequisite. When your real brain takes over much more comes into play.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife isn't the most beautiful woman I ever dated but she is far and away the most attractive. Beauty can fade but those other intangibles can even get better with age.

Very true!

This is how I feel. Wife is not the hottest woman I have ever been involved with, but hot enough and is also extermely understanding. I am a complex person and need someone who is not turned off by that.

Anonymous wrote:It took me a while to realize that what I thought was me not being shallow was really just me being afraid of rejection and going for low hanging fruit or accepting advances from any borderline attractive woman who made the first move. I've been much more deliberate about who I go out with now.

I'm a recently divorced woman. I'm discovering the same about myself. I used to stay away from the muscley guys, telling myself they were dumb meatheads and pretending I was more attracted to quirky or nerdy men. Then, lo and behold, I got to know one of those meatheads and discovered he's actually very likable, in addition to being effing hot. We started dating, and now I fear he has ruined me for the future -- I now crave his body type and feel true lust for the first time and realize I'm shallow after all.

The problem is, I worry he's in the stage you're describing and only with me because I made the first move!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, never.

Here's something I can't believe needs to be said:

If a man asks you out, he wants to sleep with you. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

He also will be interested in your thoughts. He'll be curious about your tastes in music, food, architecture, art, etc. But first and foremost he wants to be inside you.

Well that is blunt. I would say yes to date with a man for many reasons, with attraction being one, but sex is not the first thing on my mind.

Guy here - when I asked a woman out the first thing I was interested in was her saying yes to going out with me. If she said yes and the date went well my focus was on getting a second date. At that point I’d start thinking about sex and hope that she might think about it too. I was pretty sure that women don’t think about screwing some guy on the first date. If I was wrong in that assumption I guess I really missed out!

Anonymous wrote:My wife isn't the most beautiful woman I ever dated but she is far and away the most attractive. Beauty can fade but those other intangibles can even get better with age.

Very true!