DH’s drinking problem. Obviously everyone knows he drinks too much but I don’t think anyone knows the extent of it. Including me.

My depression/anxiety. Again, can’t hide it all, but I don’t think anyone knows I’m barely holding it together most days.

We’re strict parents. Most of our friends are into attachment/connection parenting and we use time outs and send DD to her room. We don’t spank, but we do have strict consequences.

Our bathrooms are dirty.

Anonymous wrote:His affair.

+1

We get by but I think people assume we have more than we do. We both were in big law and saved a lot for a down payment. We then left for much better lifestyles but significantly lower salaries. I think people assume we are rich because of our house and that we just are frugal people. We are simple but we also don’t make a lot. We love our close in home in a great school district though! Thanks big law!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
That my Aspie husband has no interest in friends or socializing, that he's very self-centered and cares nothing for social niceties.

Obviously my closest friends realize some of this, but none of us explicitly talk about it. What would be the use? He's in his 50s and not going to change.

You married him.

People on the spectrum have learned to hide their condition if possible, especially in high stakes areas like school, career, and dating. Once they get comfortable with the job or lock in a spouse, they get comfortable and revert into their most ASD selves because they feel secure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
That my Aspie husband has no interest in friends or socializing, that he's very self-centered and cares nothing for social niceties.

Obviously my closest friends realize some of this, but none of us explicitly talk about it. What would be the use? He's in his 50s and not going to change.

You married him.

Hate hate hate when people say this. Like we're all supposed to be fully mature and fully astute judges of all character flaws when we are young and dating. To those of you who made a perfect choice early in life, awesome and congrats. But have some empathy and respect for those of us who did our best, grew up over time, and choose to honor what is good alongside what is flawed...because life is complex and people are complex. Married 32 years and happy I've hung in there through the hard stuff.

We are living separately now and divorcing but back in the day it was that my H didn’t know anything about our kid: what he likes to eat (would call me from restaurants), which school/grade he is in, what sports he does etc.
He just didn’t pay any attention to any of it.

Anonymous wrote:I don't hide it now, but when we were first married I didn't know how to fight properly and was very passive aggressive.

Some of you may recall that I am the person who bedazzled the pockets and fly on DH's favorite jeans when I got angry at him.

Now that I have grown up (and we've gone to counseling and I learned how to productively argue) and a lot of time has passed, we can both laugh about it.

I think you handled it swimmingly!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has horrible tantrums when he doesn’t get his way. Very abusive. Everyone thinks he is the opposite.

+ 1 Jekyl & Hyde at home versus outside with others. Puts on a good show, in bursts.

I think this is more common than you think, it is how they were raised.

Everyone tells you to watch out for the guys that are too close to their mothers, but the bigger problem is the guys who aren’t close to their mothers. They are hiding an underlying family dysfunction that they haven’t dealt with.

Yeah it’s not the close families that generally cause problems. It’s the estrangements.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has horrible tantrums when he doesn’t get his way. Very abusive. Everyone thinks he is the opposite.

+ 1 Jekyl & Hyde at home versus outside with others. Puts on a good show, in bursts.

I think this is more common than you think, it is how they were raised.

Everyone tells you to watch out for the guys that are too close to their mothers, but the bigger problem is the guys who aren’t close to their mothers. They are hiding an underlying family dysfunction that they haven’t dealt with.

Moobs.

Crossdressing

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has horrible tantrums when he doesn’t get his way. Very abusive. Everyone thinks he is the opposite.

+ 1 Jekyl & Hyde at home versus outside with others. Puts on a good show, in bursts.

I think this is more common than you think, it is how they were raised.

Husband has gender dysphoria. Didn't tell me about it until after we were married. I never would have married him if I knew about it beforehand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:swingers and hotwifing.

Family, nice house, stay at home mom with the kids, very close with spouse, and appear very normal from the outside!

The sad part is your have kids and do this nonsense.

Wake the F up and be a better role model for your kids. Eventually kids find out everything...

Yep. How humiliating for teenagers. I’m 50 and still remember the swinger couple from our neighborhood. Their poor kids when the secret came out and spread like wildfire. Same with the Ashley Madison mom in our neighborhood. Her sons are mortified.

We had a few of those in our neighborhood - they were the judgy, sanctimonious ones, too - should have known!

Anonymous wrote:We are in a sexless marriage. I know they are common but we are both attractive and healthy so I don't know people would guess us.

Truly “sexless” marriages are quite rare. One of the spouses (usually him) is still having sex ... elsewhere.