Anonymous wrote:I disagree with most of the posts here that suggest that if you have money it's no big deal to waste it on frivolous purchases. Stocking up is no big deal, I'm sure she spent less than $500 on supplies, etc. and you will eventually use this stuff. A $1,200 bassinet is crazy and a giant waste of money for something the baby will be in a month or two. I would return the bassinet and start discussing large purchases going forward.

Most people reading this are aware that the bassinet he refers to is the snoo. If it works for his baby, it will be worth every cent in extra sleep AND it has a resale value of about $800. If it does not work, it can be returned within a 30 day window of delivery. So this purchase is a bit unique and unlike other high ticket purchases.

I disagree with most of the posts here that suggest that if you have money it's no big deal to waste it on frivolous purchases. Stocking up is no big deal, I'm sure she spent less than $500 on supplies, etc. and you will eventually use this stuff. A $1,200 bassinet is crazy and a giant waste of money for something the baby will be in a month or two. I would return the bassinet and start discussing large purchases going forward.

Plus, do your share of the nightshifts. Many couples make the mistake of thinking that the spouse that is working out of the house needs their sleep more than the spouse that is home with the newborn. Both need sleep to function. It took a friend falling asleep at a red light on her way to a well baby check to figure it out, luckily she did not drive off the road. Even if your wife chooses to breastfeed, you can go get the baby and bring them to the bed and then change and bring the baby back to their crib once the feeding is finished.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I admit I was wrong. I realize this is not our of the normal for a first time mom. I do have a wonderful wife who is very much type A and organized. I appreciate her and she knows that.

I do help out though. We have been cleaning and organizing. We just moved into our condo and I have been getting everything ready. I have done most of in store shopping. I’ve been putting together the nursery and also helping with cooking and freezing meals. She is quitting her job to stay at home but I will be helping out as much as I can with the house and the baby.

do things, not “help”. You are to be a full spouse and parent, not just helping from time to time.

Honestly before I had kids, thousands of dollars is a LOT of money to spend in a month, even though we could definitely afforded it back then, we were always good savers. Having children changed that a little for us, as long as you can comfortably afford it (whatever "it" is), I would try to get used to spend a little more money.

We had premature twins, at first I thought all the baby stuff were expensive, special formulas, twin pillows....ha that was naive.... then later on I thought $120 per hour private speech therapy was crazy, as soon as I got over the price, my girls flourished (much better and easier scheduling than insurance covered facilities).... then my husband had to talk me into sending them to our top choice preschool, I thought the price was insane ($50k a year for both, more than both of our cars), but that turned out to be one of the best decisions we have ever made. I am not saying raising children necessarily has to cost a lot of money, it absolutely does not, but just in case you were like me, can comfortably afford some things but uncomfortable to actually spend the money, get OVER it. As long as you still have comfortable savings, what’s all this money for if not to spend on our children and family?

In the beginning you do not have to spend a lot for your baby.

Just a few bottles, pajamas, socks, onesies & bath towels.

The only big items needed would be a car seat, stroller, crib and infant bathtub.

However it is fun to purchase baby stuff.
Especially if it is your first!

OP here. I admit I was wrong. I realize this is not our of the normal for a first time mom. I do have a wonderful wife who is very much type A and organized. I appreciate her and she knows that.

I do help out though. We have been cleaning and organizing. We just moved into our condo and I have been getting everything ready. I have done most of in store shopping. I’ve been putting together the nursery and also helping with cooking and freezing meals. She is quitting her job to stay at home but I will be helping out as much as I can with the house and the baby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Diapers are a waste unless she can exchange them

LOL and this is the advice you get from the loons on DCUM... just let the baby poop in your hands OP, anything else is spendy

HAHAHAHAHA

OP with the first child, nobody tells you that secondhand equipment is just as good as new. And secondhand is much cheaper. But it's more of a hassle to buy even in non-pandemic times. As some PPs have pointed out, it sounds like your DW has so far done the lion's share of the planning, shopping, prepping and cooking.

Start working more as a team and together you'll come up with solutions that don't don't leave one of you exhausted, and don't break the bank either.

Your wife sounds as if she is well-organized, thoughtful and prepared. What was your complaint? That you left all the emotional labor to your wife who handled it all but you don't like how she did that?

Hmm. Interesting. Glad you aren't my husband. That said, my DH had my back for all of the first baby prep.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We bought the nursery furniture ( crib, dresser, and glider) and a stroller travel system. We got most of the big ticket items at our baby shower ( virtual) but she did buy the rest of the stuff she wanted on the registry.

She said she is worried about taking baby out in a pandemic with cold/flu season. She bought the stuff we normally buy in doubles ( meat, pantry items, and paper products). She bought in bulk baby diapers and wipes because she worries they will go out of stock like they did a couple of months ago. She bought a bunch of paper products and cleaning products. She says it’s smart and that she is preparing for us to not have to go out or worry about needing this stuff. She has also made and froze a bunch of meals to eat when once the baby gets here for dinner.

Honestly, you should be asking yourself why you didn’t think of this stuff and discuss with your wife.

Your baby isn’t even both yet and already she is doing all the work and planning.

If you want to have more say in the expenditures then you need to approach her and say, “Wow baby, you did so much, thank you. I want to be your 50% coparent. Let’s sit down because I’d like to make up a schedule for feedings that I can take on, middle of the night duty and plan when you’re going to get your “me” time and rest.”

Have you been involved in finding child care or are you just pawning that off on your wife too?

If you did none of the work/planning but felt it was fine to come in when everything is done and criticize choices and costs or ask for cutbacks, then I would seriously rethink our marital relationship. A mom/wife is not another direct report whose work you oversee and manage.

This. Your poor wife is probably killing herself cooking and cleaning ahead of time because she knows you’re not going to pitch in and she’s going to be busy doing all the parenting in addition to running the house.

Wow she sounds like me. I am 7.5 months pregnant with 1st baby, and I have been going nuts. I feel I MUST get everything in order so I can focus 100% on baby when she arrives. This includes not only baby stuff but residual house odds and ends that need to be finished so they are totally off my plate as well as organizing all of my digital things. It‘s nuts. I feel a little guilty about hemorrhaging so much money all at once but my DH knows I do things all at once so I can be done (we have been married 7 years) and he is backing off. You’re probably fine to do the same. It doesn’t sound like your wife will be a huge spender in perpetuity.

I didnt read the thread but I did the same thing before I had my son very recently. It gives you a sense of control to have everything you need set up and ready. Unless the money really matters let it go. It didn’t to us but I definitely had a larger than usual credit card bill the couple months before. Spent nothing over maternity leave so it evens out.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Mine too. But it's not the money. Its the lack of storage space in our 3,500 square foot, four bedroom Colonial - even after our three children have moved on to homes of their own. DW often doesn't even unbox her on-line purchases. Our mailman recently remarked to me that DW is right up there at the top of residents of our reasonably wealthy enclave - when it comes to package deliveries. To DW, the matter is existential. To me, the issue is not a hill I choose to die on.

Yikes. I’m sorry, that sounds like a difficult situation.

Sounds like you all need a budget now OP.