Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t know where this came from. He was NOT raised this way...but DS(14) is completely anti-feminism and proclaims to be pro men’s rights! He thinks men are more oppressed than women, I guess. I just saw that he posted something about women also being rapists and pedophiles, so people should stop saying things like “teach your sons not to rape.” Ugh. We have discussed these issues his entire life. He should get it, but he doesn’t. He has two older sisters who are very vocal on civil rights issues. Talking isn’t getting through to him. Any other ideas to make him understand that men are not the oppressed ones, specifically white men like him? He speaks out in defense of all other marginalized groups, and is likely LGBTQ. For some reason he is strong ngly anti-feminism. Any movies that might resonate with him?

So I am going to go in a completely different direction, after rereading this. I'd be very concerned that my son, who previously gets along well with his sisters and girls is "woke" is suddenly concerned with males being abused by females.and men being victims too. I would be concerned that maybe he had experienced some abuse himself.

I'll probably get tarred and feathered for thinking so, but that is what I want to find out.

Op here. I have actually been starting to wonder this.

If you are seeing things that are making you suspect this, that she be your greatest concern right now, not making sure he's a feminist. You need to figure that out now, and fast.If he is being abused, he needs to feel safe to talk to you not like he's going to be judged.

He's been red-pilled. Get him off the internet.

I’m a social worker who works with primarily middle schoolers. Your son sounds like so many kids I’ve known: developing identity within a family that has a strong political and cultural identity. It sounds like gender is really the area where his politics differ from the family, which makes sense I suppose since it sounds like his social experience has been the same as his sisters but for gender.

My recommendation to you is that you continue to talk with him as neutrally as you can about these opinions he is developing. He is young and is still thinking about it all. You want your voice and your family’s values to be at least as loud a voice as whatever MRA garbage he’s watching online.

I will say that when I read your post, I thought of my own brother, who was the youngest child in a family of outspoken political women. There were times when he was a teen when I know it was hard for him and my mom to relate to each other - my brother got super into fairly misogynist gangsta rap and violent video games whereas my mom is a radical feminist who disapproves of violence in general (and video games in general for that matter). She just kept talking to him and asking him questions about what he likes about XYZ or how he’s found ABC to help him in life. My brother is 35 now and he and my mom are very close and respect each other a great deal. They do not agree on absolutely everything, but their relationship is not damaged by these opposing values, as it were.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you consider his viewpoint that he doesn't want girls in Boy Scouts? Maybe it all stems from this. Boys act differently when there are girls around. The dynamics change. If he is gay then maybe he doesn't want the boys
in his troop to start talking about and flirting with girls. It was his safe place and now it is changing.

This was a couple of years ago. He now realizes what we tried to tell him in the beginning - the girls have their own troops. The boys have absolutely no interaction with the girls. They are totally separate.

So the entire exercise was a failure. His experience changed but not to his benefit, he got in trouble with his mother/parents when he complained about it, and it didn't improve Boy Scouts either.

Poor kid.

He did not get in trouble at all. Not even close. We had a calm and rational conversation. I simply let him know that the girls would be totally separate, and I asked him what experiences he has had that should only be available to men. This is a reasonable question. He also said that they should just do Girl Scouts. I explained to him that this would be a great solution if the two organizations were similar. I was a GS leader for several years. I explained to him, with examples, that Boy Scouts is much more robust and the Eagle has much more clout than the Gold Award in GS.[i][u] I did not attack him for his views in any way. We just had a conversation. He was given an opportunity to explain his viewpoint, but he had nothing. Just wanting to keep this boys club.

Wow.
Sounds like you have a REALLY crappy response to your son when he was upset that an organization he enjoyed was changing. You both enforced the negative stereotypes about a girls organization, highlighted how you thought the girls experience was more important than your sons, and dismissed his concerns.

And for the record, I’m a Girl Scout leader. Sorry if you didn’t do “robust” programming - but that’s on you.

Ok the Scout conversation is kinda being blown out of proportion here. I only brought it up because it was the first indication that he thinks this way. He was not upset about my answer. He just wondered why they didn’t want to stay in GS, so I told him what the issue was. He was fine with my answer.

If you are a GS leader then you know it can differ greatly from one region to another. I’m glad you are having a great experience.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t know where this came from. He was NOT raised this way...but DS(14) is completely anti-feminism and proclaims to be pro men’s rights! He thinks men are more oppressed than women, I guess. I just saw that he posted something about women also being rapists and pedophiles, so people should stop saying things like “teach your sons not to rape.” Ugh. We have discussed these issues his entire life. He should get it, but he doesn’t. He has two older sisters who are very vocal on civil rights issues. Talking isn’t getting through to him. Any other ideas to make him understand that men are not the oppressed ones, specifically white men like him? He speaks out in defense of all other marginalized groups, and is likely LGBTQ. For some reason he is strong ngly anti-feminism. Any movies that might resonate with him?

So I am going to go in a completely different direction, after rereading this. I'd be very concerned that my son, who previously gets along well with his sisters and girls is "woke" is suddenly concerned with males being abused by females.and men being victims too. I would be concerned that maybe he had experienced some abuse himself.

I'll probably get tarred and feathered for thinking so, but that is what I want to find out.

Op here. I have actually been starting to wonder this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t know where this came from. He was NOT raised this way...but DS(14) is completely anti-feminism and proclaims to be pro men’s rights! He thinks men are more oppressed than women, I guess. I just saw that he posted something about women also being rapists and pedophiles, so people should stop saying things like “teach your sons not to rape.” Ugh. We have discussed these issues his entire life. He should get it, but he doesn’t. He has two older sisters who are very vocal on civil rights issues. Talking isn’t getting through to him. Any other ideas to make him understand that men are not the oppressed ones, specifically white men like him? He speaks out in defense of all other marginalized groups, and is likely LGBTQ. For some reason he is strong ngly anti-feminism. Any movies that might resonate with him?

So I am going to go in a completely different direction, after rereading this. I'd be very concerned that my son, who previously gets along well with his sisters and girls is "woke" is suddenly concerned with males being abused by females.and men being victims too. I would be concerned that maybe he had experienced some abuse himself.

I'll probably get tarred and feathered for thinking so, but that is what I want to find out.

One of your statements really, really stuck out to me. "We have discussed these issues his entire life." You talked about rape throughout his entire life? WTF is wrong with you? I can't even pick a mundane issue like chewing with your mouth open, not hitting siblings, looking both ways before you cross the street, where I can say "we discussed it their entire life." Why the hell would you talk about rape multiple times to a young child? It doesn't even make sense. I actually believe OP is a troll at this point. I have a 10 year old son who just learned last year that eventually his body will change and non-pee liquid might start coming out of his privates in a couple of years. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to go tell him to stop raping anytime soon. What a stupid idea.

Op here.

No, we have not discussed rape his entire life. After re-reading my post I can see why it came across that way. We have always talked about marginalized groups and how everyone is not treated equally. Not rape.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t know where this came from. He was NOT raised this way...but DS(14) is completely anti-feminism and proclaims to be pro men’s rights! He thinks men are more oppressed than women, I guess. I just saw that he posted something about women also being rapists and pedophiles, so people should stop saying things like “teach your sons not to rape.” Ugh. We have discussed these issues his entire life. He should get it, but he doesn’t. He has two older sisters who are very vocal on civil rights issues. Talking isn’t getting through to him. Any other ideas to make him understand that men are not the oppressed ones, specifically white men like him? He speaks out in defense of all other marginalized groups, and is likely LGBTQ. For some reason he is strong ngly anti-feminism. Any movies that might resonate with him?

So I am going to go in a completely different direction, after rereading this. I'd be very concerned that my son, who previously gets along well with his sisters and girls is "woke" is suddenly concerned with males being abused by females.and men being victims too. I would be concerned that maybe he had experienced some abuse himself.

I'll probably get tarred and feathered for thinking so, but that is what I want to find out.

I am not going to tar or feather you but it’s not a particularly astute takeaway from his comments.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t know where this came from. He was NOT raised this way...but DS(14) is completely anti-feminism and proclaims to be pro men’s rights! He thinks men are more oppressed than women, I guess. I just saw that he posted something about women also being rapists and pedophiles, so people should stop saying things like “teach your sons not to rape.” Ugh. We have discussed these issues his entire life. He should get it, but he doesn’t. He has two older sisters who are very vocal on civil rights issues. Talking isn’t getting through to him. Any other ideas to make him understand that men are not the oppressed ones, specifically white men like him? He speaks out in defense of all other marginalized groups, and is likely LGBTQ. For some reason he is strong ngly anti-feminism. Any movies that might resonate with him?

So I am going to go in a completely different direction, after rereading this. I'd be very concerned that my son, who previously gets along well with his sisters and girls is "woke" is suddenly concerned with males being abused by females.and men being victims too. I would be concerned that maybe he had experienced some abuse himself.

I'll probably get tarred and feathered for thinking so, but that is what I want to find out.

One of your statements really, really stuck out to me. "We have discussed these issues his entire life." You talked about rape throughout his entire life? WTF is wrong with you? I can't even pick a mundane issue like chewing with your mouth open, not hitting siblings, looking both ways before you cross the street, where I can say "we discussed it their entire life." Why the hell would you talk about rape multiple times to a young child? It doesn't even make sense. I actually believe OP is a troll at this point. I have a 10 year old son who just learned last year that eventually his body will change and non-pee liquid might start coming out of his privates in a couple of years. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to go tell him to stop raping anytime soon. What a stupid idea.

I would take the approach of treating everyone equally. And respecting everyone equally.

I think what gets lost is that personal relationships are vastly different than the relationship you have with the general public.