OP, I haven't read the whole thread but I think you should read the article that Bruce Jenner's ex-wife (not Kris Kardashian...the first wife, mother of Brody Jenner--way before the transition to Caitlin) penned about her experience with this revelation during their marriage. It is almost identical to your story.

And she tried to just let it work itself out but eventually they couldn't get past it.

Kris Kardashian knew when they got married that cross-dressing was a thing..and that bi-sexual was maybe a thing...but she just overlooked it. You don't need to stay in your marriage if this is not okay with you. Maybe it is, and that's fine too. But no one will blame you if you want to get divorced over this because your DH was deceitful to himself as well as to you. Not maliciously maybe...but this wasn't the deal.

It’s a fetish.

Plop

“ To make the situation even more complicated, he said he is sexually attracted to both men and women but has never explored anything with a man before. His attraction leans more towards females but the idea of being with a guy sexually turns him on.“

Buy a realistic strapon. The sight of a woman with a P might help in this case. 🤷‍♂️

You need to find a sex therapist/marriage counselor.

I actually like guys in panties if they've got the body for it. I find it sexy, probably because it's transgressive. And I would have no issues dating a man who is bisexual, as long as I felt he wasn't just not able to accept being gay. Just like a lot of men find lesbian porn hot, I find gay porn sexy. Two cute guys. Yum.

But the issue for me would be the secrecy, and I don't think I could ever stay with my husband if he decided to become a woman. Wearing women's underwear is one thing. Transitioning to being a woman is another. It would be painful, and I would support them. But I'm not attracted to women.

He obviously kept it a secret because he felt ashamed of it and worried you wouldn't accept it. And he's right. But you were also owed transparency. You like what you like. You didn't bargain for this.

I would see someone to talk about all of this and what to do about going forward.

Him wearing women’s undies everyday to work and hiding it from you for years is the tip of the iceberg my friend.

Lots of assumptions here.

OP, you know in your gut what will feel safest for you. I responded previously but I wanted to pitch the idea of therapy for both of you once more. Individual, then couples. There’s no way to know what the future will bring any of us in our relationships. You have some extra challenges.

A counselor will help you figure out what each of you needs to stay in this relationship and how to evolve if it’s not the best thing for you. Speculating on your husband’s internal life will never bring you truth, but talking with him and listening to your own heart will help you find some resolve. You don’t have to participate in his fantasy but find out how to support him, what that means and if it impacts your relationship. If this is something he’s doing in private but he is honest with you about it meaning that it’s an article of clothing and not an entire lifestyle maybe that is something that will feel more comfortable when it’s not as new. And if it’s not that’s OK too. I would have a hard time with my partner keeping something so enormous from me. I think that secret is very loaded for both of you. Talking about it is bound to help in someway.

I wish you both well.

I feel like this would be a deal breaker for most women, perhaps not unlike how being with a previously super promiscuous woman would be a deal breaker for most men. It sucks to be someone who has attributes that are not ideal for the majority romantically , but c’est la vie. Short men and fat women have been dealing with this for eternity.

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn’t transition, still desires sex with you, you are still in love, well, the underwear thing seems harmless enough. I guess.

It's not harmless is it? Can't speak for OP, but I don't want to be with a cross dressing man, who feels ike a woman inside. It's just a matter of time before he transitions or starts experimenting with men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Ignore the weirdos saying you aren’t liberal since you can’t accept this. You didn’t sign on for this. You didn’t go into marriage knowing your spouse was bi, gay or liked to wear women’s clothes.

I’m the first PP whose husband disclosed something similar, including some same-sex activity. We’re actually conservative Republicans. This is not a political issue.

Choose what is right for you, your marriage, and your family.

I'm so sorry. If you go to therapy you might be able to fix that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I’m not a troll and unfortunately this is my reality. To answer one of the previous questions, he said he wears the underwear while he’s at work but changes once he’s home so I don’t notice. I work occasional night shifts so he washes everything while I’m gone. We do have two younger children and he is a wonderful father to them. It’s one thing to break up if we were just dating but we have built a life and family together now. Honestly if he was upfront with me about this while we were dating I don’t think I would have married him.

UMMMM..... The URNIALS IN HIS OFFICE?!?!!! Don't the other men see his lacy female underwear??

Haven’t used many urinals, have you?

NP here and I also haven't seen one, but I'm assuming he just takes the tip out through the zipper to use the urinal, so the underwear is not exposed.

But men's bathrooms ALSO have stalls. Easy to use.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I’m not a troll and unfortunately this is my reality. To answer one of the previous questions, he said he wears the underwear while he’s at work but changes once he’s home so I don’t notice. I work occasional night shifts so he washes everything while I’m gone. We do have two younger children and he is a wonderful father to them. It’s one thing to break up if we were just dating but we have built a life and family together now. Honestly if he was upfront with me about this while we were dating I don’t think I would have married him.

UMMMM..... The URNIALS IN HIS OFFICE?!?!!! Don't the other men see his lacy female underwear??

Haven’t used many urinals, have you?

NP here and I also haven't seen one, but I'm assuming he just takes the tip out through the zipper to use the urinal, so the underwear is not exposed.

Yeah, but woman's panties would require a more aggressive pulling down in the front to get it out...not like boxers or the stretchy boxer briefs. He would piss all over them.

OK, it's time for the kids to go back to school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I’m not a troll and unfortunately this is my reality. To answer one of the previous questions, he said he wears the underwear while he’s at work but changes once he’s home so I don’t notice. I work occasional night shifts so he washes everything while I’m gone. We do have two younger children and he is a wonderful father to them. It’s one thing to break up if we were just dating but we have built a life and family together now. Honestly if he was upfront with me about this while we were dating I don’t think I would have married him.

UMMMM..... The URNIALS IN HIS OFFICE?!?!!! Don't the other men see his lacy female underwear??

Haven’t used many urinals, have you?

NP here and I also haven't seen one, but I'm assuming he just takes the tip out through the zipper to use the urinal, so the underwear is not exposed.

Yeah, but woman's panties would require a more aggressive pulling down in the front to get it out...not like boxers or the stretchy boxer briefs. He would piss all over them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I’m not a troll and unfortunately this is my reality. To answer one of the previous questions, he said he wears the underwear while he’s at work but changes once he’s home so I don’t notice. I work occasional night shifts so he washes everything while I’m gone. We do have two younger children and he is a wonderful father to them. It’s one thing to break up if we were just dating but we have built a life and family together now. Honestly if he was upfront with me about this while we were dating I don’t think I would have married him.

UMMMM..... The URNIALS IN HIS OFFICE?!?!!! Don't the other men see his lacy female underwear??

Haven’t used many urinals, have you?

NP here and I also haven't seen one, but I'm assuming he just takes the tip out through the zipper to use the urinal, so the underwear is not exposed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Ignore the weirdos saying you aren’t liberal since you can’t accept this. You didn’t sign on for this. You didn’t go into marriage knowing your spouse was bi, gay or liked to wear women’s clothes.

I’m the first PP whose husband disclosed something similar, including some same-sex activity. We’re actually conservative Republicans. This is not a political issue.

Choose what is right for you, your marriage, and your family.

Absolutely no one is surprised to hear your closeted DH is a conservative Republican.