Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are in a bubble with my inlaws. It’s FIL. He’s mid 60’s and perfectly capable of serving himself and waiting his turn. He also has a wife capable of waiting on him if that’s their thing.

I just need a response to make him stop asking me. I don’t care if he asks someone else.

Technically if he is an elder guest then you should be serving him and his wife first. I don't understand why you don't know that but you should have learned this when you were a kid. So actually you're the one being rude, not him, if you're serving other people before him and his wife.

Lol. “The hostess” has spoken. It’s not the 1950’s anymore. Keep up.

If you think that being polite and having manners have gone out the window then I feel very sorry for you. I can't imagine how horrible it must be to be you. Yuck.

You’re an idiot. What kind of stupid serves people 60 and older from A BUFFET because they are an “elder.” So, you provide a buffet and then proceed to plate food for capable adults because their age has earned them a special privilege? The 60s isn’t old, btw. I feel sorry for your kids if you have any...and I sure hope you don’t have any daughters you’re modeling this behavior to. Yuck right back to you Becca.

I think it just sounds like your FIL is trying to joke with you, interact with you. Say, “ Yes! They are delicious!” and offer to plop some potatoes on his plate and he will probably say, “Oh no, that is ok,” and all will move on. Even if he does accept the mashed potatoes, so what? Do you have other issues with him? My FIL is so sweet and a funny distraction often that I could care less if he jokes with me in the buffet line.

Anonymous wrote:“Forget” to bring whatever he asks for. Make him wait. Put wrong stuff on his plate. Passive aggressive behavior has its uses sometimes.

No being passive aggressive is immature, hurtful, weak and silly. Be an adult and use your voice. I've seen what being passive aggressive has done to the older generations family relationships and it isn't pretty. People don't respect it.

I would say the same thing I say to the cat when he screeches for his supper while I'm busy in the kitchen. "Do you see that I'm already doing something? How many hands do you think I have?"
The cat doesn't answer, btw.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are in a bubble with my inlaws. It’s FIL. He’s mid 60’s and perfectly capable of serving himself and waiting his turn. He also has a wife capable of waiting on him if that’s their thing.

I just need a response to make him stop asking me. I don’t care if he asks someone else.

Technically if he is an elder guest then you should be serving him and his wife first. I don't understand why you don't know that but you should have learned this when you were a kid. So actually you're the one being rude, not him, if you're serving other people before him and his wife.

Lol. “The hostess” has spoken. It’s not the 1950’s anymore. Keep up.

If you think that being polite and having manners have gone out the window then I feel very sorry for you. I can't imagine how horrible it must be to be you. Yuck.

How about good manners is not assuming a woman is a servant, and singling her out as such. How about good manners is asking for help with grace and an eye to what a busy person is already doing for others, and being patient and flexible?

How about that?

NP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are in a bubble with my inlaws. It’s FIL. He’s mid 60’s and perfectly capable of serving himself and waiting his turn. He also has a wife capable of waiting on him if that’s their thing.

I just need a response to make him stop asking me. I don’t care if he asks someone else.

Technically if he is an elder guest then you should be serving him and his wife first. I don't understand why you don't know that but you should have learned this when you were a kid. So actually you're the one being rude, not him, if you're serving other people before him and his wife.

Lol. “The hostess” has spoken. It’s not the 1950’s anymore. Keep up.

If you think that being polite and having manners have gone out the window then I feel very sorry for you. I can't imagine how horrible it must be to be you. Yuck.

“Forget” to bring whatever he asks for. Make him wait. Put wrong stuff on his plate. Passive aggressive behavior has its uses sometimes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP said FIL used to be an exec. Maybe he got used to ordering people around to get stuff for him. He's bringing work habits home and it doesn't translate well to family who sees him as equals.

Maybe next time when he asks for stuff, joke that "CEO FIL's name" or whatever his title was wants potatoes NOW!

This. I totally expected him to be older. My dad behaved exactly like this. He was just so used to being the boss (and having my mom enable it) that he expected everyone to do for him.

Let's put the blame solely on your dad and not your mom for "enabling"

I would just have him go first in the buffet. Problem solved.

As for passing things, it is normal to ask to have things passed if they are just sitting on the table so I don't think that is an issue. If needed a napkin or spoon or something, I'd get it as I probably should have put them out to begin with. I also do a "dinner ready in two minutes, get yourself something to drink!" warning.

Anonymous wrote:OP said FIL used to be an exec. Maybe he got used to ordering people around to get stuff for him. He's bringing work habits home and it doesn't translate well to family who sees him as equals.

Maybe next time when he asks for stuff, joke that "CEO FIL's name" or whatever his title was wants potatoes NOW!

This. I totally expected him to be older. My dad behaved exactly like this. He was just so used to being the boss (and having my mom enable it) that he expected everyone to do for him.

"Let's let everyone in line get some first, otherwise it wouldn't be fair. Then, I'm happy to."

Respect your elders. Don’t blow this out of proportion.

OP said FIL used to be an exec. Maybe he got used to ordering people around to get stuff for him. He's bringing work habits home and it doesn't translate well to family who sees him as equals.

Maybe next time when he asks for stuff, joke that "CEO FIL's name" or whatever his title was wants potatoes NOW!

Anonymous wrote:60 is old. I would have no problem helping him. Why are you always at the front of the buffet line? Perhaps sitting back and not running to the front of a buffet line can end this problem. You say, there's no way food will run out. Sit back, relax, let him ask other people to help and grab you and your kids plates after someone has helped him.

Thanks for the laugh, pp!

For regular dinners when ILs are visiting, I always have them go first. They are practically running up to the food to get their portions before anyone else. I always cater and defer to them with most everything else, too, because otherwise they complain. Do what the whiniest, most juvenile adult in the room wants to deter them complaining and causing problems.