Anonymous
Post 08/09/2020 16:25     Subject: Wedding Judgement
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your dad and brother asked some questions. I think they are legitimate ones. Yet here you are making it seem as if everyone is out to get you and rob you of any joy in your life. Stop being so dramatic. Your dad and brother care about you. People can question others without it being an indictment on their character and judgment.


+1

Especially if dad is paying for the useless party a year later! Perhaps they have a reason for asking? Perhaps your expensive party when you are already married, if dad is paying, is excessive for his budget? Or if you are paying, maybe they think, heck, save the money for something else.
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2020 16:23     Subject: Wedding Judgement
Very simply here is my take on this. You will get married in 2021. You will be married for a year before your huge party. Tour 2022 party seems pointless and more out of greed. What is the purpose of the huge shebang in 2022? Idiotic, your brother is right.
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2020 15:24     Subject: Re:Wedding Judgement
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you are really set on this big weekend thing, then you are going to have to deal with the fact that others may not "get" it. That's not the same as judging you.

If you are really this frayed about hearing people's opinions about your wedding event, then you should just get married any way you can, safely, and get on with life. That's a sign that you've had enough of wedding stuff, so be done with it already! If you can't have a sense of humor about people's opinions, then you need to move on from the event. Waiting two years is going to mean two more years of opinions on this topic.

Some of us who are already married happily don't get the big wedding stuff. It's not because we already had "the day we wanted." Big weddings have become other things in recent years- media events, family reunions, friend reunions, instagram photoshoots. If that's what you want to do, fine, but don't expect everyone to understand or appreciate all of that.


This! While, yes, many of us got the day we wanted, rest assured it did not involve a cutesy hashtag, social photo shoots in addition to standard photography, a personalized graphic, multiple engagement events, fully programmed whole weekends, Will You Be My Bridesmaid ceremonies, transparent fund-our-honeymoon requests, coordinated and filmed bridal party dances, and on and on.


Wow, b*tchy much? OP never said her wedding celebration was going to involve any of those things. I can’t believe you are admitting that you had the day you wanted and yet still have the gall to judge OP knowing nothing about her actual plans.

Is it fun to walk around so bitter all the time?


Those of us who actually read the thread know that it is a three-day affair at a bed and breakfast. Three days of programming.
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2020 13:57     Subject: Re:Wedding Judgement
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We can’t go to the court house. In our religion you have to have a ceremony in the church. It will only be with us and 2 other people. Also the B and B is only 2 hours from people and the bride and groom are paying for the entire cost of the venue and rooms for the wedding party which was our choice. We plan to enjoy the day.


Why are you thinking an elopement has to be in a courthouse? I know plenty of people in my family (Catholic) who have had a church wedding with only parents and a sibling or two. They can still be truly beautiful. My cousin that just did this still had the dress and fantastic photos. Best part is that they’re married. I don’t understand delaying a party for years.


This is true, also! A church wedding can be very, very small. Maybe one model is a Mormon wedding. Only Mormons in good standing can attend a Temple wedding. but the couple can hold a big reception for all of their friends (including non-Mormons) later. I would be happy to go to a party like this. I don't want a pretend ceremony just because I couldn't attend the first.
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2020 13:54     Subject: Wedding Judgement
Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what church you are talking about, but you can’t get married at city hall and then use a Catholic priest To re-marry you at a later event. Priests won’t go along with this even in a pandemic.


You actually can. It's called marriage convalidation. It's weird to plan it this way though. Usually it happens because the Catholics aren't really practicing the faith at the time they get married in city hall, but they later recommit to their faith and need to get married through the Church in order to receive all of the sacraments. Priests are very happy to help people get reconnected with their faith. I've also known couples who needed to get a fast civil marriage done in order to be at the beside of a dying partner in the hospital or to get a Green Card for a fiance to stay in the country (after a student visa expires, for example). As long as they get married by the Church as soon as they can and don't act as if the civil marriage is actually a marriage (i.e. remain chaste), I think that most priests would understand this.
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2020 13:49     Subject: Re:Wedding Judgement
Anonymous wrote:We can’t go to the court house. In our religion you have to have a ceremony in the church. It will only be with us and 2 other people. Also the B and B is only 2 hours from people and the bride and groom are paying for the entire cost of the venue and rooms for the wedding party which was our choice. We plan to enjoy the day.


So, I am Catholic and we also generally get married in a church. It is inconsistent with the faith to pretend to get married one year later. Would you pretend to have a big public baptism later if you had to do an emergency baptism? Would you do a repeat on Confirmation? It is a marriage renewal. Celebrate your one year anniversary however you like. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2020 13:45     Subject: Re:Wedding Judgement
Anonymous wrote:October ‘21 will be your wedding. Whatever you do the following year is a party, not a wedding, because you will already be married.
Yes, one year later is a vow renewal. Just call it what is is. I feel the same way about people who celebrate "our Christmas" in November because other relatives are around. It's a celebration, but it sure ain't Christmas.
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2020 13:42     Subject: Re:Wedding Judgement
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you are really set on this big weekend thing, then you are going to have to deal with the fact that others may not "get" it. That's not the same as judging you.

If you are really this frayed about hearing people's opinions about your wedding event, then you should just get married any way you can, safely, and get on with life. That's a sign that you've had enough of wedding stuff, so be done with it already! If you can't have a sense of humor about people's opinions, then you need to move on from the event. Waiting two years is going to mean two more years of opinions on this topic.

Some of us who are already married happily don't get the big wedding stuff. It's not because we already had "the day we wanted." Big weddings have become other things in recent years- media events, family reunions, friend reunions, instagram photoshoots. If that's what you want to do, fine, but don't expect everyone to understand or appreciate all of that.


This! While, yes, many of us got the day we wanted, rest assured it did not involve a cutesy hashtag, social photo shoots in addition to standard photography, a personalized graphic, multiple engagement events, fully programmed whole weekends, Will You Be My Bridesmaid ceremonies, transparent fund-our-honeymoon requests, coordinated and filmed bridal party dances, and on and on.


Wow, b*tchy much? OP never said her wedding celebration was going to involve any of those things. I can’t believe you are admitting that you had the day you wanted and yet still have the gall to judge OP knowing nothing about her actual plans.

Is it fun to walk around so bitter all the time?
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2020 13:30     Subject: Wedding Judgement
Anonymous wrote:If you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him then don’t postpone. Not
To sound dark but you never know what the future brings.


I forgot to add, and next year have a huge party.
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2020 13:27     Subject: Wedding Judgement
If you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him then don’t postpone. Not
To sound dark but you never know what the future brings.
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2020 12:13     Subject: Re:Wedding Judgement
Anonymous wrote:If you are really set on this big weekend thing, then you are going to have to deal with the fact that others may not "get" it. That's not the same as judging you.

If you are really this frayed about hearing people's opinions about your wedding event, then you should just get married any way you can, safely, and get on with life. That's a sign that you've had enough of wedding stuff, so be done with it already! If you can't have a sense of humor about people's opinions, then you need to move on from the event. Waiting two years is going to mean two more years of opinions on this topic.

Some of us who are already married happily don't get the big wedding stuff. It's not because we already had "the day we wanted." Big weddings have become other things in recent years- media events, family reunions, friend reunions, instagram photoshoots. If that's what you want to do, fine, but don't expect everyone to understand or appreciate all of that.


This! While, yes, many of us got the day we wanted, rest assured it did not involve a cutesy hashtag, social photo shoots in addition to standard photography, a personalized graphic, multiple engagement events, fully programmed whole weekends, Will You Be My Bridesmaid ceremonies, transparent fund-our-honeymoon requests, coordinated and filmed bridal party dances, and on and on.
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2020 11:10     Subject: Re:Wedding Judgement
Anonymous wrote:The reason you feel you're being judged is because you are and, deep down, believe there's a kernel of legitimacy to the judgement.

It's one thing to have a big celebration of your wedding at a time more people can safely join you. It's a different matter to go through a “big ceremony and reception” a year into your marriage - it's a pageant, a re-enactment, a performance, not a wedding. It reeks of attention-seeking, not celebration of a major life event.

I get how disruptive and disappointing it is to have an expectation for something and, through no fault of your own, not have that expectation met. Yet, that's where we are right now. Even if you have that “big ceremony and reception” a year into your marriage, it still will not meet your expectation because circumstances will have changed.


This. OP, I'm sorry that the pandemic ruined your wedding plans, but your wedding will be the day you actually get married. This stunt you're planning to pull is immature and selfish. Either delay getting married until October 2022 if having this B&B weekend event is important to you, or get married October 2021 and find a way to have a special day then without the re-enactment one year later.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2020 08:56     Subject: Re:Wedding Judgement
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:October ‘21 will be your wedding. Whatever you do the following year is a party, not a wedding, because you will already be married.


2022 will still be the wedding celebration. Stop with the semantics.


+1


Just don't do another ceremony and call it the wedding ceremony. That is so fake and annoying. You're already married. This is just the party to celebrate it.
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2020 21:59     Subject: Re:Wedding Judgement
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:October ‘21 will be your wedding. Whatever you do the following year is a party, not a wedding, because you will already be married.


2022 will still be the wedding celebration. Stop with the semantics.


+1
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2020 14:33     Subject: Wedding Judgement
The best result of Covid may be the end of the ridiculous wedding celebrations. Three days at a B&B sounds hideous. You may have romanticized how much your family wants to be with you. Have your family wedding in Oct 2021 and think if you want to waste money on a big blow out a year later.

Highly recommend you read recent stories in the NYT of couples having small scale weddings and how meaningful their wedding.