Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband of four years cheated with single mom(s). We had no children. I left. Life is too short for that BS. Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

Great decision.

If I didn’t have kids (currently 12 and 14), I’d already be gone. Seeing what a cheating, alcoholic father that divorced his mom when he was 7 ended up creating a narcissist....I will hang in getting a great post-nup and emotionally disengage until the kids are in college. I’m not bothering with custody schedules and moving the kids between homes.

But dreaming of a bright future. I’m well off in my own career and stand to get A LOT in a divorce. I am spending the next 5-6 years planning a new life.

NP. Asking seriously--PP, if he's still cheating, and you plan to stay:

Does he know you know about the cheating? If so, do you just not have sex with him for the next five years, and is he fine with that since he gets it outside?

If he doesn't know you know he cheats, do you continue to have sex with him so he won't realize you're onto him, and do you plan to do that for 5-6 more years?

I see posts on here all the time where a DW says she's hanging on to the marriage for the kids/to get more in a divorce, when she knows her DH is screwing around. What I can't figure out is whether these DWs keep having sex with a cheater. Wouldn't wives be too disgusted and furious, and assume he could give them STDs? Even if the hate-sex was physically good, the idea of years of it, with someone for whom one had zero respect or love left--I cant fathom how that wouldn't be awful. Not judging those who stay, just puzzled by that aspect of staying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My lovely husband of 5 years has been cheating on me.

I found a burner phone in his toolbox of all places. Nothing was deleted.

There was photos. Trips they’ve taken together that I thought was a guys trip. They’ve met at his house, air bnbs, parking lots, everywhere.

He complained about me. About our vanilla intimate life. He was texting her goodnight last night.

We don’t have kids together. She’s a single mom. I feel sick. I know who she is - just a Facebook friend. They knew eachother before I even met him. He’s said things to her how he’s always had a crush on her.

I feel sick.

No one addressed the “vanilla intimate life?”

Maybe that’s the main contributing factor in this whole thing?

I know, right?

Does this mean regular Vanilla, French Vanilla, Vanilla bean, extra creamy Vanilla, Vanilla extract vanilla, fat free Vanilla, Lactose free Vanilla, Vanilla frozen yogurt, etc. So many different types of vanilla. Some good but certainly not all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, really. I could care less.

That’s because you have a massive character defect and are probably a narcissist.

But if you are cheating with a co-worker, your employer may care and I would make sure to find out. You saying the victimized spouse Is the crazy one is called blame-shifting and gaslighting, and its wrong. The average person would understand a spouse exposing a chester’s affair, whether you want to believe it or not.

You don’t know me and I don’t give a F about you. What people do in their personal lives should have no bearing on their work performance. You’re telling me, you never fudged the numbers in your tax return? “I donated to such and such.” Well, that makes you a cheater and I need to notify your employer.

BTW, I own up to my flaws and produce a crap ton of money for my employer. They could care less, what I do outside of work thank you...

Sorry to interject but I think what you mean is that you could NOT care less. Thank you, carry on.

As this is a few months old, what did you end up doing OP?

The universe has handed you a great gift - you found the phone! - take this as a gift of the truth and learn from this that you don’t have to live a life in denial of what your “gut” is already telling you probably. Call lawyer now and make plans and then implement. You have to be good to yourself before you can be good to others. Give yourself the gift of freedom. He is a leach to your spirit if he is cheating on you. You don’t need that. He will lie and make up shit to get you back. Just don’t. Move on. Be glad the universe handed you the gift of the truth so you can live your best life starting today.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband of four years cheated with single mom(s). We had no children. I left. Life is too short for that BS. Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

This is disgusting that there are men who target and deceive women like this.

And women too. Who is cheating with the married men, most of the time married women. There are some real doozies out there.

Anonymous wrote:Be thankful that you don't have kids. Fire for divorce and move on.

Separate today. Move toward divorce. You dodged a bullet. You don't have kids. You can start over.

Anonymous wrote:My husband of four years cheated with single mom(s). We had no children. I left. Life is too short for that BS. Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

This is disgusting that there are men who target and deceive women like this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are so many men such complete sh!t bags?

Sorry, OP. He sucks. Take the high road and leave him completely. Let his head spin.

Sorry I have an exDW that proves it’s not just men

+1 but I have to stayed connected with my cheating exW as we co-parent our kids

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband of four years cheated with single mom(s). We had no children. I left. Life is too short for that BS. Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

Great decision.

If I didn’t have kids (currently 12 and 14), I’d already be gone. Seeing what a cheating, alcoholic father that divorced his mom when he was 7 ended up creating a narcissist....I will hang in getting a great post-nup and emotionally disengage until the kids are in college. I’m not bothering with custody schedules and moving the kids between homes.

But dreaming of a bright future. I’m well off in my own career and stand to get A LOT in a divorce. I am spending the next 5-6 years planning a new life.

Anonymous wrote:My husband of four years cheated with single mom(s). We had no children. I left. Life is too short for that BS. Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

Great decision.

My husband of four years cheated with single mom(s). We had no children. I left. Life is too short for that BS. Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

How did you unlock his burner phone?

P.S.

I forgot to identify that I am 12:00PP who posted above and a new poster.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You don’t know me and I don’t give a F about you. What people do in their personal lives should have no bearing on their work performance. You’re telling me, you never fudged the numbers in your tax return? “I donated to such and such.” Well, that makes you a cheater and I need to notify your employer.

BTW, I own up to my flaws and produce a crap ton of money for my employer. They could care less, what I do outside of work thank you...

Wow, you sound like a real pleasure to be around. No wonder your DW has no interest in having sex with you.

And no, of course I don't cheat on my taxes. Most people don't. You just live in a world where lies are your norm and you assume everyone else has the same crappy moral code. News flash - they don't.

I am very pleasurable to be around and with. There you go again, judging. You’re holier than thou? My place on earth is not to judge, especially you. No, lies are not the norm in my life. As a matter of fact, I tell people what they don’t want to hear, stick to facts and their feelings get hurt. Not my problem...

Your emotional walk of protection looks like this:



At some point, Someone really hurt you, so you have surface relationships, and are intentionally curt to filter through those willing to do the work to have an authentic connection with you. Within your trusted circle there are “healthy” connections that secure your state. Maybe they serve as anchors, or helium, or latex repair glue (building off the metaphorical picture above)

That’s cool! Do you.

And I agree that most people don’t lie on their taxes, but I also believe a lot of people provide a good faith guesstimate within reason and there is leeway for that in the tax code. That is why tax audits often result in an overpayment to the taxpayer because we tend to underestimate our contributions.