Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, be the smart relative, like the aunt and uncle doctors from the family in North Texas. They were the only ones that did not attend the big 3-0 birthday party of their niece. And of 25 people that attended, 10 people caught Covid-19 and some transmitted it to others including the grandmother who just stopped to drop off food who contracted it and gave it to her husband who did not go at all. All told 18 people in this family how have it with 3 hospitalized.

Be the adult, congratulate the happy couple, send a gift and with them well. Do not go.

This is a very dramatic and tragic story in Texas, but you are not being fair in the way that you are telling it.

Yes, 18 people have it and 3 are very, very ill. BUT, as I understand it, the other 15 don't even have symptoms. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong.

If all of the people who had gone to the party had quarantined afterwards - and the grandmother had not even stopped by to drop off food - this story would be very different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting married in August. My fiance and I wanted to do a ceremony with immediate family only, but we are close with our aunts and uncles and they expressed wishes that we include them if at all possible. I'm wracked with the stress of people talking about me like you talk about your cousin, but we are having a gathering of 50 people with strict limitations in place (masks required, drinks will come to the table instead of people walking up to the bar, no passed appetizers, etc). Just because they are having a wedding doesn't mean this is a wedding of 150 people that would have happened last year with sweaty bodies all over the dance floor, and it doesn't mean that they value their "big day" (kind, non-judgmental use of quotes from your post) over the lives of their families. It seems like the best thing you could do would be to send your regrets and support instead of showing up and side-eyeing all that do participate in the ceremony.

I’m sorry, but that all sounds terrible. Go with your initial plan of immediate family only, and have a big reception in a year or two when things go back to normal.

Agreed even if you need to do it in 2 years or your 5th anniversary with your kids running around. It’s okay to wait. You won’t be less married and your celebration in the future won’t be less fun.

First, PP, you should have the immediate family only and then hire someone to video broadcast the wedding for the aunts and uncles who are remote. Pay for a Zoom business account and they can all log in and watch the event, the aunts and uncles can chat with each other (just turn the audio off on the broadcasting camera and they can actually talk to each other on zoom without disturbing the ceremony). They get the social aspect of attending and get to watch the event and socialize/chat with each other.

After things open up for good, you can have an anniversary reception on your first or second anniversary to invite everyone to come and celebrate with you.

Do not be guilted into a bigger event than you know to be safe just to appease them. That's part of being an adult. Doing what you know is right instead of what you want.

No, being an adult doesn't mean being patronizing to your family members. If you had originally planned to invite them, and they have expressed their desire to come under the circumstances, let them make their own choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, be the smart relative, like the aunt and uncle doctors from the family in North Texas. They were the only ones that did not attend the big 3-0 birthday party of their niece. And of 25 people that attended, 10 people caught Covid-19 and some transmitted it to others including the grandmother who just stopped to drop off food who contracted it and gave it to her husband who did not go at all. All told 18 people in this family how have it with 3 hospitalized.

Be the adult, congratulate the happy couple, send a gift and with them well. Do not go.

This is a very dramatic and tragic story in Texas, but you are not being fair in the way that you are telling it.

Yes, 18 people have it and 3 are very, very ill. BUT, as I understand it, the other 15 don't even have symptoms. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong.

If all of the people who had gone to the party had quarantined afterwards - and the grandmother had not even stopped by to drop off food - this story would be very different.

Anonymous wrote:Not exactly on topic but my brother is getting married in DC in March 2021. Our mom is incredibly anxious about it and wants them to postpone to at least the fall. Brother and his fiancé feel like it’s too soon to make any decisions and they want to wait till Labor Day to make the call. What say you, DCUM hive mind?

Anonymous wrote:OP, be the smart relative, like the aunt and uncle doctors from the family in North Texas. They were the only ones that did not attend the big 3-0 birthday party of their niece. And of 25 people that attended, 10 people caught Covid-19 and some transmitted it to others including the grandmother who just stopped to drop off food who contracted it and gave it to her husband who did not go at all. All told 18 people in this family how have it with 3 hospitalized.

Be the adult, congratulate the happy couple, send a gift and with them well. Do not go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting married in August. My fiance and I wanted to do a ceremony with immediate family only, but we are close with our aunts and uncles and they expressed wishes that we include them if at all possible. I'm wracked with the stress of people talking about me like you talk about your cousin, but we are having a gathering of 50 people with strict limitations in place (masks required, drinks will come to the table instead of people walking up to the bar, no passed appetizers, etc). Just because they are having a wedding doesn't mean this is a wedding of 150 people that would have happened last year with sweaty bodies all over the dance floor, and it doesn't mean that they value their "big day" (kind, non-judgmental use of quotes from your post) over the lives of their families. It seems like the best thing you could do would be to send your regrets and support instead of showing up and side-eyeing all that do participate in the ceremony.

I’m sorry, but that all sounds terrible. Go with your initial plan of immediate family only, and have a big reception in a year or two when things go back to normal.

Agreed even if you need to do it in 2 years or your 5th anniversary with your kids running around. It’s okay to wait. You won’t be less married and your celebration in the future won’t be less fun.

First, PP, you should have the immediate family only and then hire someone to video broadcast the wedding for the aunts and uncles who are remote. Pay for a Zoom business account and they can all log in and watch the event, the aunts and uncles can chat with each other (just turn the audio off on the broadcasting camera and they can actually talk to each other on zoom without disturbing the ceremony). They get the social aspect of attending and get to watch the event and socialize/chat with each other.

After things open up for good, you can have an anniversary reception on your first or second anniversary to invite everyone to come and celebrate with you.

Do not be guilted into a bigger event than you know to be safe just to appease them. That's part of being an adult. Doing what you know is right instead of what you want.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An invitation is not a summons.

They are not "exposing" anyone. They are holding a legal event and are informing everyone of the circumstances.

Guests are then welcome to make their own choices.

As long as they are gracious when people send regrets, there is no issue here.

Repeat after me, again, some more: An invitation is not a summons.

An invitation is an expectation and they well know it.

Maybe in your world. In my world, it is not.

I recently declined the very small group backyard change-of-plans wedding for a close friend and colleague. I sent a gift, and then my regrets. I followed up with a heartfelt email. Both the bride and groom immediately wrote back, said they more than understand, and want to know how much my family's support means to them. When the gift arrived, they sent a lovely thank you card. They know I am eagerly awaiting photos from the day, and they promised to send. It was a nice exchange.

I also recently declined a wedding invite for my cousin who is getting married in a state with very low rates. They are taking lots of precautions, but we would have had to travel. Similar deal--my cousin called and said of course, we know not everyone can make it, we totally understand. I sent a gift, and got a lovely thank you card. Again, promises to send photos. 100% understanding, well-wishing, and grace on both sides.

In my world, we do our best, we extend grace, we make the best choices for ourselves and our family. And we all know it.

+1. I've never heard of an invitation meaning an "expectation."

Come on. Don't be obtuse. Of course an invitation to a family wedding is an invitation. You have to have a reason not to go - and OP understandably feels that her reason for not going - pandemic! - is going to be seen as judgmental, and will in turn lead to her being judged. That is normal human interaction.

So in fear of being judged, she is judging her family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting married in August. My fiance and I wanted to do a ceremony with immediate family only, but we are close with our aunts and uncles and they expressed wishes that we include them if at all possible. I'm wracked with the stress of people talking about me like you talk about your cousin, but we are having a gathering of 50 people with strict limitations in place (masks required, drinks will come to the table instead of people walking up to the bar, no passed appetizers, etc). Just because they are having a wedding doesn't mean this is a wedding of 150 people that would have happened last year with sweaty bodies all over the dance floor, and it doesn't mean that they value their "big day" (kind, non-judgmental use of quotes from your post) over the lives of their families. It seems like the best thing you could do would be to send your regrets and support instead of showing up and side-eyeing all that do participate in the ceremony.

I’m sorry, but that all sounds terrible. Go with your initial plan of immediate family only, and have a big reception in a year or two when things go back to normal.

Agreed even if you need to do it in 2 years or your 5th anniversary with your kids running around. It’s okay to wait. You won’t be less married and your celebration in the future won’t be less fun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting married in August. My fiance and I wanted to do a ceremony with immediate family only, but we are close with our aunts and uncles and they expressed wishes that we include them if at all possible. I'm wracked with the stress of people talking about me like you talk about your cousin, but we are having a gathering of 50 people with strict limitations in place (masks required, drinks will come to the table instead of people walking up to the bar, no passed appetizers, etc). Just because they are having a wedding doesn't mean this is a wedding of 150 people that would have happened last year with sweaty bodies all over the dance floor, and it doesn't mean that they value their "big day" (kind, non-judgmental use of quotes from your post) over the lives of their families. It seems like the best thing you could do would be to send your regrets and support instead of showing up and side-eyeing all that do participate in the ceremony.

I’m sorry, but that all sounds terrible. Go with your initial plan of immediate family only, and have a big reception in a year or two when things go back to normal.

Agreed even if you need to do it in 2 years or your 5th anniversary with your kids running around. It’s okay to wait. You won’t be less married and your celebration in the future won’t be less fun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting married in August. My fiance and I wanted to do a ceremony with immediate family only, but we are close with our aunts and uncles and they expressed wishes that we include them if at all possible. I'm wracked with the stress of people talking about me like you talk about your cousin, but we are having a gathering of 50 people with strict limitations in place (masks required, drinks will come to the table instead of people walking up to the bar, no passed appetizers, etc). Just because they are having a wedding doesn't mean this is a wedding of 150 people that would have happened last year with sweaty bodies all over the dance floor, and it doesn't mean that they value their "big day" (kind, non-judgmental use of quotes from your post) over the lives of their families. It seems like the best thing you could do would be to send your regrets and support instead of showing up and side-eyeing all that do participate in the ceremony.

I’m sorry, but that all sounds terrible. Go with your initial plan of immediate family only, and have a big reception in a year or two when things go back to normal.

Agreed even if you need to do it in 2 years or your 5th anniversary with your kids running around. It’s okay to wait. You won’t be less married and your celebration in the future won’t be less fun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting married in August. My fiance and I wanted to do a ceremony with immediate family only, but we are close with our aunts and uncles and they expressed wishes that we include them if at all possible. I'm wracked with the stress of people talking about me like you talk about your cousin, but we are having a gathering of 50 people with strict limitations in place (masks required, drinks will come to the table instead of people walking up to the bar, no passed appetizers, etc). Just because they are having a wedding doesn't mean this is a wedding of 150 people that would have happened last year with sweaty bodies all over the dance floor, and it doesn't mean that they value their "big day" (kind, non-judgmental use of quotes from your post) over the lives of their families. It seems like the best thing you could do would be to send your regrets and support instead of showing up and side-eyeing all that do participate in the ceremony.

I’m sorry, but that all sounds terrible. Go with your initial plan of immediate family only, and have a big reception in a year or two when things go back to normal.