Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here are a few examples of things that have happened lately:

1.) My daughter (3 years old) told me before bed one night that I was “the best mommy ever!” I relayed this story to DH, because DD has been a difficult 3 year old during quarantine lately. His response was that she’s only had one mom so maybe she doesn’t even know what that means.

2.) looking in the mirror, I said to him- “man, I’m glad I’ve finally lost the baby weight! But I wish this stretched out skin weren’t here.” (I’m 5’5 and 122 lbs). He looks at me and says, “that’s not skin, that’s fat. But you can eat better and go to the gym, maybe it will go away. Better than skin because you can’t do anything about that.”

3.) About to go down on me, he says- “are you about to get your period? It smells different.” Obviously, I get super upset.

4.) Kissing, he says- “hey, do you have bacteria in your tonsils? Your breath is bad.” I do have crypted tonsils so will get tonsil stones, but I was still super mortified.

5.) Told our neighbor at dinner that I was glad our family dog died. To be fair, the dog was a jerk, but I definitely wasn’t glad he died!!! Of course I was sad. When I asked him to stop, he looks at me and sneers, “It’s OKAY, everyone knows you hated him”

I finally asked him to separate. This, and other issues, but I’m not sure I can get over these comments. He was “blindsided” according to him. He says those comments aren’t what he meant, and of course made a million excuses. Am I overreacting to them?

1.) hilarious. I would totally laugh at that one.
2.) sounds like he’s being realistic and you’re not and stretched out skin does suck more than just fat so you are lucky there.
3.) he’s being an ass! I would retaliate and tell him his balls smell like steamed cabbage.
4.) he’s being an ass!
5.) he’s being an ass! Puts you in a bad light in front of others.

OP here- thanks for the good laugh and smile tonight

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here are a few examples of things that have happened lately:

1.) My daughter (3 years old) told me before bed one night that I was “the best mommy ever!” I relayed this story to DH, because DD has been a difficult 3 year old during quarantine lately. His response was that she’s only had one mom so maybe she doesn’t even know what that means.

2.) looking in the mirror, I said to him- “man, I’m glad I’ve finally lost the baby weight! But I wish this stretched out skin weren’t here.” (I’m 5’5 and 122 lbs). He looks at me and says, “that’s not skin, that’s fat. But you can eat better and go to the gym, maybe it will go away. Better than skin because you can’t do anything about that.”

3.) About to go down on me, he says- “are you about to get your period? It smells different.” Obviously, I get super upset.

4.) Kissing, he says- “hey, do you have bacteria in your tonsils? Your breath is bad.” I do have crypted tonsils so will get tonsil stones, but I was still super mortified.

5.) Told our neighbor at dinner that I was glad our family dog died. To be fair, the dog was a jerk, but I definitely wasn’t glad he died!!! Of course I was sad. When I asked him to stop, he looks at me and sneers, “It’s OKAY, everyone knows you hated him”

I finally asked him to separate. This, and other issues, but I’m not sure I can get over these comments. He was “blindsided” according to him. He says those comments aren’t what he meant, and of course made a million excuses. Am I overreacting to them?

1.) hilarious. I would totally laugh at that one.
2.) sounds like he’s being realistic and you’re not and stretched out skin does suck more than just fat so you are lucky there.
3.) he’s being an ass! I would retaliate and tell him his balls smell like steamed cabbage.
4.) he’s being an ass!
5.) he’s being an ass! Puts you in a bad light in front of others.

Anonymous wrote:Here are a few examples of things that have happened lately:

1.) My daughter (3 years old) told me before bed one night that I was “the best mommy ever!” I relayed this story to DH, because DD has been a difficult 3 year old during quarantine lately. His response was that she’s only had one mom so maybe she doesn’t even know what that means.

2.) looking in the mirror, I said to him- “man, I’m glad I’ve finally lost the baby weight! But I wish this stretched out skin weren’t here.” (I’m 5’5 and 122 lbs). He looks at me and says, “that’s not skin, that’s fat. But you can eat better and go to the gym, maybe it will go away. Better than skin because you can’t do anything about that.”

3.) About to go down on me, he says- “are you about to get your period? It smells different.” Obviously, I get super upset.

4.) Kissing, he says- “hey, do you have bacteria in your tonsils? Your breath is bad.” I do have crypted tonsils so will get tonsil stones, but I was still super mortified.

5.) Told our neighbor at dinner that I was glad our family dog died. To be fair, the dog was a jerk, but I definitely wasn’t glad he died!!! Of course I was sad. When I asked him to stop, he looks at me and sneers, “It’s OKAY, everyone knows you hated him”

I finally asked him to separate. This, and other issues, but I’m not sure I can get over these comments. He was “blindsided” according to him. He says those comments aren’t what he meant, and of course made a million excuses. Am I overreacting to them?

Anonymous wrote:I think you are being a little bit overly sensitive. None of this sounds intentionally mean.

Anonymous wrote:I think the examples are somewhere between mean and blunt, but none of them seem malicious. That is not to say they are not hurtful! But lacking malice, someone like this can learn/be trained to speak more kindly and filter himself if he’s motivated to do the work. Individual counseling for him or marriage counseling would probably help.

I used to say very critical stuff to my dh when we were first married. I grew up with a very critical mom and I honestly didn’t “hear” my comments as critical or unkind. They seemed factually true to me, and normal things to say or have said to me. It took my dh pointing them out and me making an effort to develop new patterns.