Ma'am doesn't bother me at all; it never has, even when I was younger. I grew up in the south, with "yes, ma'am" and "no, sir".

I have said "ma'am" to a stranger when they dropped something in a store, etc., never thinking that they may find that offensive!

Is "hey, you" better?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For people who are offended or would prefer it not be used, what do you use instead. Like, if you saw something fall out of a woman’s purse as you were behind her on the sidewalk (an occasion where I might say “excuse me, miss/madam/sir I think you dropped something”) what would you say to get the person’s attention?

honestly how often does that happen? More likely it is op's husband who is saying Good morning, Ma'am!

Actually, I'm a pp and it's happened to me twice. Women in line in front of me, about my age (I'm also female), left their wallets. I called "excuse me ma'am" after them to get their attention. It worked, but they looked boiling mad at me. Has only happened since I moved to the dc area. Decided that next time I will just hand the wallet back to the cashier or take the money out and throw the wallet on the floor if that's the thanks I get.

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Anonymous wrote:Excuse me ma’am is considered rude.

Excuse me miss is preferred.

Yes ma’am is not considered rude.

Not true for me. I am over 40. Please do not call me “miss” in any situation. It is condescending.

I agree, but so many women have a weird attitude toward aging. My MIL in her mid 60’s is obsessed with aging and trying to look young. Most women like that are fooling no one.

And do you know why? Because at a certain age we are ignored, invisible and dismissed That's why. If you are an older man you are "distinguished" and sir can be used if you are young and old. I'm not a miss but, I am not a Ma'am.

I was "ma'am-ed" in the south as soon as I took a professional position, which was in my 20s. It just meant that I was no longer a young girl. If I'm ignored, invisible, or dismissed, I speak up to make sure that stops.

I'm the pp. You missed my point entirely. Of course, most women can speak up but, I'm talking about why most women prefer not to be called Ma'am. And it is because older women in our society are ignored, dismissed and treated as invisible. And being called Ma'am means you are old and therefore are will be treated as such. And I am not talking about a personal situation I am talking about our society..

one example although many: Who makes clothes for older women that are fashionable and with the times It is all youth oriented. Now do you get it?

No. My point was / is that in the south being called ma'am has very little to do with age and a lot to do with respect.

It's why a lot of black women I grew up around wanted to be called ma'am because their mothers didn't get that respect due to racism.

I'm a middle aged woman who prefers to be called ma'am. It is a sign of respect and politeness to me. Deal with it.

You had me until you said deal with it. Which I totally disagree! It is a sign of respect FOR YOU! NOT FOR ME! It is disrespectful to call someone something they do not want to be called. Now I will ask people ( politely) not to call me Ma'am. Look you had to deal with not being called ma'am and how did it make you feel? There are plenty of things I have to "deal with" and this is not one of them. No way, no sir or Ma'am.

YOU DEAL WITH THAT!!!!!

I was called ma'am since I was in my early 20's while living in the south. I am not black, so I did not have deal with the disrespect of not being called ma'am, you seem to have made some assumptions.
Have friends who are black whose families had to deal with a lot of racism and I respect their experience; saw it happen in real life (and here as well), and called their relatives ma'am as a sign of respect--which they tended to appreciate. I also worked in public service in the south and found it was the polite thing to do for people of all races and ages, to use sir or ma'am.

Realize I need to change since living in the DC area, but why are you so unhinged about it? That's why I added the "deal with it" because you seem particularly upset over such a small thing that is usually meant to be polite and unwilling to see others points of view. Not all middle aged women look at things the way you do, I apparently being one of them. And, yes, I am liberal and progressive, and try to think the best of people.

And, you can't really control what people call you under most circumstances. I've been called "sir" in the DC area. Try that some time if you hate being called ma'am.

Anonymous wrote:For people who are offended or would prefer it not be used, what do you use instead. Like, if you saw something fall out of a woman’s purse as you were behind her on the sidewalk (an occasion where I might say “excuse me, miss/madam/sir I think you dropped something”) what would you say to get the person’s attention?

honestly how often does that happen? More likely it is op's husband who is saying Good morning, Ma'am!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Excuse me ma’am is considered rude.

Excuse me miss is preferred.

Yes ma’am is not considered rude.

Not true for me. I am over 40. Please do not call me “miss” in any situation. It is condescending.

I agree, but so many women have a weird attitude toward aging. My MIL in her mid 60’s is obsessed with aging and trying to look young. Most women like that are fooling no one.

And do you know why? Because at a certain age we are ignored, invisible and dismissed That's why. If you are an older man you are "distinguished" and sir can be used if you are young and old. I'm not a miss but, I am not a Ma'am.

I was "ma'am-ed" in the south as soon as I took a professional position, which was in my 20s. It just meant that I was no longer a young girl. If I'm ignored, invisible, or dismissed, I speak up to make sure that stops.

I'm the pp. You missed my point entirely. Of course, most women can speak up but, I'm talking about why most women prefer not to be called Ma'am. And it is because older women in our society are ignored, dismissed and treated as invisible. And being called Ma'am means you are old and therefore are will be treated as such. And I am not talking about a personal situation I am talking about our society..

one example although many: Who makes clothes for older women that are fashionable and with the times It is all youth oriented. Now do you get it?

No. My point was / is that in the south being called ma'am has very little to do with age and a lot to do with respect.

It's why a lot of black women I grew up around wanted to be called ma'am because their mothers didn't get that respect due to racism.

I'm a middle aged woman who prefers to be called ma'am. It is a sign of respect and politeness to me. Deal with it.

You had me until you said deal with it. Which I totally disagree! It is a sign of respect FOR YOU! NOT FOR ME! It is disrespectful to call someone something they do not want to be called. Now I will ask people ( politely) not to call me Ma'am. Look you had to deal with not being called ma'am and how did it make you feel? There are plenty of things I have to "deal with" and this is not one of them. No way, no sir or Ma'am.

YOU DEAL WITH THAT!!!!!

Smarmy not swarmy