Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its called compartmentalizing folks, when he is sticking it in the woman who is not his wife, hs are not thinking of the hurt he's doing to the "woman he loves"

ever

totally agree. and same is true in reverse. when she allows another guy to rail her/use her, she's not thinking of the hurt she's doing to the "man she loves" ever.

Women letting other men rail them are unhappy in marriage and looking for an exit---survey after survey after survey. While men are the opposite--survey after survey--65% say they have a happy-to-very happy marriage and love their wives. The sexes differ about side sex and feelings surrounding it. It's why very few of these shady relationships end in marriage.

While you read dumb, self-serviing surveys, some of us are living this lifestyle. So please, you have no idea. Stop propagating the BS.

Living the lifestyle. Ok. Get some help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its called compartmentalizing folks, when he is sticking it in the woman who is not his wife, hs are not thinking of the hurt he's doing to the "woman he loves"

ever

totally agree. and same is true in reverse. when she allows another guy to rail her/use her, she's not thinking of the hurt she's doing to the "man she loves" ever.

Women letting other men rail them are unhappy in marriage and looking for an exit---survey after survey after survey. While men are the opposite--survey after survey--65% say they have a happy-to-very happy marriage and love their wives. The sexes differ about side sex and feelings surrounding it. It's why very few of these shady relationships end in marriage.

While you read dumb, self-serviing surveys, some of us are living this lifestyle. So please, you have no idea. Stop propagating the BS.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its called compartmentalizing folks, when he is sticking it in the woman who is not his wife, hs are not thinking of the hurt he's doing to the "woman he loves"

ever

totally agree. and same is true in reverse. when she allows another guy to rail her/use her, she's not thinking of the hurt she's doing to the "man she loves" ever.

Women letting other men rail them are unhappy in marriage and looking for an exit---survey after survey after survey. While men are the opposite--survey after survey--65% say they have a happy-to-very happy marriage and love their wives. The sexes differ about side sex and feelings surrounding it. It's why very few of these shady relationships end in marriage.

I am not looking for an exit, I want to have my cake and eat it or whatever. I want both. I am selfish I suppose. I am not looking for an exit, I love my DH.

You can’t love your husband and cheat. It’s what all the ladies says about the cheating men and their spouses.

I feel that I can. It’s not passionate intense love with DH though. It’s a shame we aren’t allowed to have feelings for others, we are missing out. I am not talking about serial cheating. I fell in love with someone for the first time in about 20 years, it’s refreshing, I feel so alive and beautiful when I am around this other person and I believe the feelings are mutual. It’s depressing to think that this can never amount to anything. I don’t want to jeopardize my family or my love interest’s family, it’s an uncomfortable and confusing place to be.

I understand how you feel. In my case, there are difficulties in the marriage. We are working on it but my partner is really not in a great place and I feel like I am missing out on intimacy I could have with this other person or whomever. It does feel like a waste of time and energy sometimes. I am doing it for the kids and because I don’t want to give up on the relationship. However there is a limit on what I can put in when the other person just isn’t in a place to be reasonable and generous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its called compartmentalizing folks, when he is sticking it in the woman who is not his wife, hs are not thinking of the hurt he's doing to the "woman he loves"

ever

totally agree. and same is true in reverse. when she allows another guy to rail her/use her, she's not thinking of the hurt she's doing to the "man she loves" ever.

Women letting other men rail them are unhappy in marriage and looking for an exit---survey after survey after survey. While men are the opposite--survey after survey--65% say they have a happy-to-very happy marriage and love their wives. The sexes differ about side sex and feelings surrounding it. It's why very few of these shady relationships end in marriage.

I am not looking for an exit, I want to have my cake and eat it or whatever. I want both. I am selfish I suppose. I am not looking for an exit, I love my DH.

You can’t love your husband and cheat. It’s what all the ladies says about the cheating men and their spouses.

I feel that I can. It’s not passionate intense love with DH though. It’s a shame we aren’t allowed to have feelings for others, we are missing out. I am not talking about serial cheating. I fell in love with someone for the first time in about 20 years, it’s refreshing, I feel so alive and beautiful when I am around this other person and I believe the feelings are mutual. It’s depressing to think that this can never amount to anything. I don’t want to jeopardize my family or my love interest’s family, it’s an uncomfortable and confusing place to be.

It’s not real. And, I guarantee, he does not feel the same way no matter what he tells you to keep the sex going. Guarantee.

You are playing with fire and when it’s discovered, he will throw you under the bus and you will be the only one to suffer consequences.

You should think ling and hard what that will do to your kids abs lifestyle when you are discovered.

Seen it happen so many times ….

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its called compartmentalizing folks, when he is sticking it in the woman who is not his wife, hs are not thinking of the hurt he's doing to the "woman he loves"

ever

totally agree. and same is true in reverse. when she allows another guy to rail her/use her, she's not thinking of the hurt she's doing to the "man she loves" ever.

Women letting other men rail them are unhappy in marriage and looking for an exit---survey after survey after survey. While men are the opposite--survey after survey--65% say they have a happy-to-very happy marriage and love their wives. The sexes differ about side sex and feelings surrounding it. It's why very few of these shady relationships end in marriage.

I am not looking for an exit, I want to have my cake and eat it or whatever. I want both. I am selfish I suppose. I am not looking for an exit, I love my DH.

You can’t love your husband and cheat. It’s what all the ladies says about the cheating men and their spouses.

I feel that I can. It’s not passionate intense love with DH though. It’s a shame we aren’t allowed to have feelings for others, we are missing out. I am not talking about serial cheating. I fell in love with someone for the first time in about 20 years, it’s refreshing, I feel so alive and beautiful when I am around this other person and I believe the feelings are mutual. It’s depressing to think that this can never amount to anything. I don’t want to jeopardize my family or my love interest’s family, it’s an uncomfortable and confusing place to be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its called compartmentalizing folks, when he is sticking it in the woman who is not his wife, hs are not thinking of the hurt he's doing to the "woman he loves"

ever

totally agree. and same is true in reverse. when she allows another guy to rail her/use her, she's not thinking of the hurt she's doing to the "man she loves" ever.

Women letting other men rail them are unhappy in marriage and looking for an exit---survey after survey after survey. While men are the opposite--survey after survey--65% say they have a happy-to-very happy marriage and love their wives. The sexes differ about side sex and feelings surrounding it. It's why very few of these shady relationships end in marriage.

I am not looking for an exit, I want to have my cake and eat it or whatever. I want both. I am selfish I suppose. I am not looking for an exit, I love my DH.

You can’t love your husband and cheat. It’s what all the ladies says about the cheating men and their spouses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its called compartmentalizing folks, when he is sticking it in the woman who is not his wife, hs are not thinking of the hurt he's doing to the "woman he loves"

ever

totally agree. and same is true in reverse. when she allows another guy to rail her/use her, she's not thinking of the hurt she's doing to the "man she loves" ever.

Women letting other men rail them are unhappy in marriage and looking for an exit---survey after survey after survey. While men are the opposite--survey after survey--65% say they have a happy-to-very happy marriage and love their wives. The sexes differ about side sex and feelings surrounding it. It's why very few of these shady relationships end in marriage.

I am not looking for an exit, I want to have my cake and eat it or whatever. I want both. I am selfish I suppose. I am not looking for an exit, I love my DH.

Anonymous wrote:If you cheat --- do you *not* understand the intense pain you cause, the pain you cause to the person *you say* you love.

Is that love? If you don't practice loving behavior, what makes you think you love them?

I want to keep our family intact. I love my DH but after years of marriage I am not in love with him. I want passion, sensuality, butterflies, all of which are gone in my marriage. I don’t want to hurt my DH and family, however I have very strong feelings for someone, also married. I have never cheated, never felt the need to, until now. It’s an all encompassing feeling I can’t shake, I think I am in love, and am allowing myself to feel these feelings. Will I act on it, not sure yet but I constantly think about this person, I need him so badly. I think we both are waiting for the other person to make a move, we are both paralyzed with fear.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its called compartmentalizing folks, when he is sticking it in the woman who is not his wife, hs are not thinking of the hurt he's doing to the "woman he loves"

ever

totally agree. and same is true in reverse. when she allows another guy to rail her/use her, she's not thinking of the hurt she's doing to the "man she loves" ever.

Women letting other men rail them are unhappy in marriage and looking for an exit---survey after survey after survey. While men are the opposite--survey after survey--65% say they have a happy-to-very happy marriage and love their wives. The sexes differ about side sex and feelings surrounding it. It's why very few of these shady relationships end in marriage.

Anonymous wrote:Its called compartmentalizing folks, when he is sticking it in the woman who is not his wife, hs are not thinking of the hurt he's doing to the "woman he loves"

ever

totally agree. and same is true in reverse. when she allows another guy to rail her/use her, she's not thinking of the hurt she's doing to the "man she loves" ever.

Had one night off a week. Decided to use the time with someone who won’t b*tch at me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Do you all think her friends are going to tell her to not give me a chance?

This is the stupidest thing you've said. The stupidest. "Her friends"? Why do you assume she wouldn't think for herself? She should trust her own judgement. I think you have a lack of respect for her and it's showing. Women in general perhaps?

Sorry, I was just referring to the responses above that say a woman shouldn’t give a man a chance if he has cheated. I’m just hoping that somebody has had an experience where a guy did something like this and it turned out all right in the end, as in he never cheated again.

We’re both in our early twenties. I think I did something stupid because I’m young and I really want her to give me another chance because I don’t intend to ever cheat again.

OP, what happened?

Might the title of your question be a clue for you? "Men" who love "a woman" but are not faithful. Do you have two (or more) identities that you utilize; for example, one with the original GF and a different one with the AP? Esther Perel writes and talks about how boys grow up with a lot of violence, and some (not all) survive by compartmentalizing their personalities to be accepted in their family of origin (the same can happen to/with girls as well).

https://brenebrown.com/podcast/partnerships-patterns-and-paradoxical-relationships/

That was me. I had a midlife affair. It was just sex for me. Complete and utter compartmentalization as an escape from myself. I didn’t bring it home. Out of sight out of mind. I eventually crashed and got help. I’m lucky my spouse didn’t leave me. It’s the first time in my life I’m at peace with myself and who I am, I never stopped loving my spouse but now I see how my actions didn’t line up with my values and how hurtful they were.

Yes. Someone can be unfaithful and madly love their spouse, especially as described above. I don’t believe they can do it endlessly though.

What kind of affair are we talking about? Passionate fling of NSA sex or emotional attachment/longer term/ILYs exchanged?

You are early 20s. Let this one go. Do better next time.

Anonymous wrote:It’s not love.

Sorry OP, but you don't know what real love is. A person that cheats doesn't love their spouse.

Swiggeddy swootty, I love dat booty!