Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our marriage was great. Great sex 4-5 times a week was a big part. 4 wonderful kids. We are now in our early 50s and dh got prostate cancer. It has been treated, but he doesn’t ever want to have sex. It is a big deal. I don’t think I can go on like this. He says he just doesn’t feel like it. Yes, he has seen many doctors. No solution, but to leave.

Similar story over here and I just don't know what to do. I don't want to leave, but it makes me desperately sad to think of my sex life being over at age 47.

Anonymous wrote:This is how a lot of post-menopausal women feel. I love my husband, and sex is no longer a need or a want for me, no matter how much I enjoyed and was enthusiastic about it for most of our marriage (30+ years). It means a lot to him, so we have sex...but this idea he can’t really enjoy it unless I really want it too confounds me. My body and libido are what they are.

Anonymous wrote:This is my marriage. I don't love my husband and sometimes I don't respect him. Rather than cheat, I just don't have that part of me anymore. I don't know why he stays. I am ready to move on, but haven't had the will to discuss it. Actually, he kind of scares me as to how nasty he can be. I would prefer an amicable divorce, just not sure if that could even happen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I'll explain why this happens with us. DH has never shown any physical affection except as a prelude to sex. So when he approaches with a kiss or a pat on the behind, I know that reciprocating means that he will expect sex to follow. If I don't want to raise false expectations, I have to be indifferent to the casual physical affection. I wish it were different, because I actually love to hold hands, cuddle, etc. But I learned a long time ago that I can't have that all by itself without being considered a tease.

OP back again. This is a good insight and pretty helpful to hear. It’s not really the case that I’m only physically affectionate when I want sex, or that I take any affection on her part as a cue for sex...but now that you mention it, I think SHE thinks that’s the way I think, and shies away as a result. That’s pretty straightforward to clear up (I hope), but that’s the easy part of the conversation. I often like to feel physically close without needing or expecting sex. The part of the conversation about, you know...actually having sex...will be harder.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife here ... not sure how other wives get away with no having sex even though they don't want to. I don't want to, but I feel it is kind of a requirement of staying married.

Same. It’s kind of like a weekly chore I mentally check off.

DH here. I get the lack of desire for sex, but why the deprivation of all physical affection? As the OP wrote: “ She’s not mean or uncaring, but makes anything more than a peck on the lips or chaste hug feel like an imposition. Even casual physical affection (holding hands, playful grabbing, whatever) is pretty much gone. ”

Shouldn’t a DW hate herself for being so standoffish to her DH who loves her? (Assuming that they both want to stay married, and that one spouse hasn’t gone to seed.)

I'll explain why this happens with us. DH has never shown any physical affection except as a prelude to sex. So when he approaches with a kiss or a pat on the behind, I know that reciprocating means that he will expect sex to follow. If I don't want to raise false expectations, I have to be indifferent to the casual physical affection. I wish it were different, because I actually love to hold hands, cuddle, etc. But I learned a long time ago that I can't have that all by itself without being considered a tease.

Anonymous wrote:This is how a lot of post-menopausal women feel. I love my husband, and sex is no longer a need or a want for me, no matter how much I enjoyed and was enthusiastic about it for most of our marriage (30+ years). It means a lot to him, so we have sex...but this idea he can’t really enjoy it unless I really want it too confounds me. My body and libido are what they are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife here ... not sure how other wives get away with no having sex even though they don't want to. I don't want to, but I feel it is kind of a requirement of staying married.

I'm not even married understand that somehow he needs it, so I just lay there.
I have no idea how his needs take priority.

Anonymous wrote:Our marriage was great. Great sex 4-5 times a week was a big part. 4 wonderful kids. We are now in our early 50s and dh got prostate cancer. It has been treated, but he doesn’t ever want to have sex. It is a big deal. I don’t think I can go on like this. He says he just doesn’t feel like it. Yes, he has seen many doctors. No solution, but to leave.

Anonymous wrote:Our marriage was great. Great sex 4-5 times a week was a big part. 4 wonderful kids. We are now in our early 50s and dh got prostate cancer. It has been treated, but he doesn’t ever want to have sex. It is a big deal. I don’t think I can go on like this. He says he just doesn’t feel like it. Yes, he has seen many doctors. No solution, but to leave.

Anonymous wrote:We do it maybe twice a month. Our marriage is actually great right now, despite some really rough patches over the course of a decade. He's gained 100 pounds since we met unfortunately and while 30 pounds ago it didn't bother me much, now I really struggle to maintain a sexual attraction to him.

Anonymous wrote:We do it maybe twice a month. Our marriage is actually great right now, despite some really rough patches over the course of a decade. He's gained 100 pounds since we met unfortunately and while 30 pounds ago it didn't bother me much, now I really struggle to maintain a sexual attraction to him.