Anonymous wrote:Hello?!? WHAT. DOES. THE. WIFE. WANT?

Is she a mindless chattel that you have to decide for her? Let her follow her own instincts and support her with whatever she decides - breastmilk, formula, soymilk, almond milk.

Sheesh!

This.

Have you talked to her? Have you asked in a supportive way?

Maybe get off this forum where people are polarized and opinionated. It's your and your wife's business. You don't need strangers to chime in.

She has PPD/PPA. I have seen this happen a million times with my friends. They fixate on something, usually it’s nursing/pumping but with one friend it was cloth diapering, and others have been really fixated on cleanliness/germs. She’s lost in a fog, between the PPD/PPA, breastfeeding hormones, and lack of sleep.

Please encourage her to see a doctor. Be very stringent about it if you have to. She can see her OB, her GP, even a good pediatrician can be helpful. At best, she’ll look back on this time with regrets that she missed a lot of your child’s babyhood. At worst .... at worst, things could be a lot worse. Women have died from undiagnosed PPD so this is very serious.

This sounds like PPD/PPA not a breastfeeding problem specifically. I think a call to her OB might not be a bad idea. OB might be able to reach out or get you some literature to help her recognize what's going on. Have mom and sister raised red flags about PPD/PPA or just breastfeeding? Talk to them about this.

Sleep really does do wonders for supply. Do you think your wife would react positively to you presenting her with evidence on ways to increase supply (including sleep)? Maybe you can do some research and come armed with an evidentiary basis to drop at least one overnight pump.

Finally, if she wants to start trying again at 6 months, do you think she's already planning to wean? I didn't get my period back until I weaned my kids after a year + and I know that's true for many women. Also, pregnancy will def tank supply if she does get pregnant. Just sayin, you might only have another month or two of this ahead of you.

OP does not care about what and how she is feeding. He is scared that she will be without a job. Basically, he is another low-earning male who cannot take care of his family. DCUM has this sub-breed of males on it.

Hello?!? WHAT. DOES. THE. WIFE. WANT?

Is she a mindless chattel that you have to decide for her? Let her follow her own instincts and support her with whatever she decides - breastmilk, formula, soymilk, almond milk.

Sheesh!

Anonymous wrote:Why not do all you can to support HER decision, whatever that may be... if it is to pump then wake up with her to be there to clean the parts in the middle of the night, bag the milk, or whatever. Let her sleep in and you give the baby the first bottle. Ask her what you can do for her to give her time to do other things. Buy her a good pump and all needed parts so she can go out for more than two hours. Pumping can make her cranky but that doesn’t mean she wants to stop.

That does not sound like supporting her decision "whatever it may be". That sounds like delivering an avalanche of prompts to continue pumping.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you can open up the topic with her, ask her how she's feeling about it, tell her that you think it would be totally and completely fine for her to stop breastfeeding (and explain your reasons why you think it's fine, not why she should do it), and let her know that you will support her no matter what she decides to do.

OP here. I have talked to her and explained this before months ago. Her mom, my mom, and her sister all have said the same thing. The pediatrician also said the same thing.

There are many benefits to breastmilk. They have been studied. You also dont have to worry about breastmilk being recalled. Formula is recalled a lot. A generation ago, many women didnt breastfeed. 200 years ago women relied onnwet nurses. Many of my friends and I were not offered support from our moms because our moms relied on formula.

I'm the pp who breastfed long term. Your wife does need to back off on the pumping if she isnt sleeping and its interfering with her time. If your kid is sleeping through the night your kid doesnt need milk overnight. You are meant to produce just what your kid needs. Is she trying to just make up for the day? She is just trying to create milk to feed the baby while she works? Sleep and nutrition are important for creating milk. She has to draw the conclusion herself.

OP here. She is on maternity leave. He eats 28-30 ounces a day. She makes 30-32 ounces. We used formula for the first two months because he never wanted to breastfeed, and she had low supply. She went to pumping every 2-3 hours and her supply increased over the last month or two, but he still refuses to nurse. She used the milk for the day and the night before to feed him.

Upthread you said "this is also affecting her work too." Which is it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I breastfed two kids. One until about 8 months the other until nearly 2. If my husband made any such suggestion I would have been pissed. It was not easy. Support her with whatever she decides to do. She needs to draw her own conclusion.

This is his child too and he should get say and he's right that it will help her a lot if he can also feed.

Why does everyone act like feeding is the only way to help with a baby?

Hi, OP. I don’t have any specific advice but I see a little of myself in your wife. I have exclusively breastfed three children and went through significant challenges with each of them. In each case it eventually became easy but if anyone had told me to stop making myself suffer, I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. I think you’re an awesome husband for caring so much about her. I’m shocked at the awful responses.

Anonymous wrote:I wanted to breastfeed but my supply tanked because of missteps at the hospital and formula being thrust upon me. Thanks to a hugely supportive DH and an experienced and sympathetic lactation consultant, I was able to recover and reestablish my supply and went on the breastfeed my two kids successfully for three years each.

I think the reason I succeeded was due to the fact that I really wanted to breastfeed and I had a super supportive DH who picked up the slack in all spheres of our life while I solely focussed on getting breastfeeding right. Breastfeeding has to be learned and there is a learning curve to it. Combine that with rollercoaster hormones and recovery from childbirth and it is not a walk in the park.

Seems like the wife has the will to nurse but is not getting the unconditional support that she needs.

How much did you pay the “super supportive lactation consultant?” And how much does she make if you decide to formula feed?

Why do people take the advice of someone who has a genuine financial interest in them personally breastfeeding rather than looking at actual science and listening to their own bodies and family members who love and care about them? You think the LC cares about you or your baby? You say that formula was pushed, but did you have anyone from a formula company actually walking into your home or hospital room pushing it on you? Breastfeeding is an industry like any other. And there are people who make their living by making the people they “consult” for believe that it’s more important than their job, their marriage, their money, or their mental health.

Not sure why PP are jumping all over you! It is insane to be up every 2 hours pumping and dude this is a first child only thing. However I’m not sure there’s much you can do to convince her otherwise if you ha e already tried. It is very easy to say fed is best, but hard in practice, there’s something weirdly emotional about it.

I don’t think she should stop pumping per se, but maybe supplementing would help. Also, when she goes back to work, that’ll be really hard to keep up...

Anonymous wrote:As a woman who had low supply, I wish my husband had had your attitude towards breastfeeding when I was going through it. It was so much work and effort and made the baby cranky, made me cranky, and didn't seem to accomplish much of anything positive. But my husband wanted me to keep trying so I did until 11 months in. It would have been such a relief to have that burden taken off of me.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a study that came out of Ohio State a few years ago that showed that most of the benefits of breastfeeding were actually benefits of being born into the kind of family/mother that would choose to breastfeed. When they restricted the data to 600+ sibling pairs where one was breastfed and one was formula fed, there were no advantages to breastfeeding on all 11 outcomes measures.

So, tell your wife, OP, that she is already the kind of mother she wants to be, and she doesn’t have to prove it to anyone by keeping up with this ridiculous schedule.

So shouldn't then the wife continue to choose to breastfeed and be supported to make it happen? I think the wife is trying to be the kind of mother she wants to be. It seems that she erred in choosing the right father for her child who would support her. A new mom chances of breastfeeding drops in the face of opposition to her providing her milk to her infant. She is actually quite without options. I don't think this is a good marriage or good partnership. These people should not have more kids.

No. Absolutely not. Moms who have chosen to formula feed one child and breastfeed another have absolutely no difference between kids (except that the breastfed child is a slightly higher risk for asthma). She is exactly the same person whether she chooses to breastfeed or not.

However, moms that are suffering from anxiety or depression, put their marriage last, and don’t care for their own physical needs, set their children up for disadvantages and problematic relationships later in life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, please! It's his child and life too. If his wife is having so much trouble nursing, she needs to go with formula and move on with life. She is making everyone miserable to prove absolutely nothing,!

Obviously you have no idea about the benefits of breastmilk.

Research shows the benefits are minimal. Breast milk benefits are overrated.

Actually, research shows that breast milk is the best for children. I wanted to give all advantages I could give to my children and so it was an excellent choice for our family. You are welcome to give whatever you want to your own child. Trust me, I do not care what you choose to feed your child.

both of you are correct

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wanted to breastfeed but my supply tanked because of missteps at the hospital and formula being thrust upon me. Thanks to a hugely supportive DH and an experienced and sympathetic lactation consultant, I was able to recover and reestablish my supply and went on the breastfeed my two kids successfully for three years each.

I think the reason I succeeded was due to the fact that I really wanted to breastfeed and I had a super supportive DH who picked up the slack in all spheres of our life while I solely focussed on getting breastfeeding right. Breastfeeding has to be learned and there is a learning curve to it. Combine that with rollercoaster hormones and recovery from childbirth and it is not a walk in the park.

Seems like the wife has the will to nurse but is not getting the unconditional support that she needs.

I cannot stress enough how insane you sound to everyone who’s not already an indoctrinated breastfeeding cult member.

I don’t know about the above comment... but I will say that PP’s situation and OP’s situation is like comparing apples and oranges. There is a window when prolactin receptors are being laid down and not feeding then will affect your supply. But OP’s wife is way past that. To compare having formula thrust on you with a newborn vs dropping some pumps at 4 months does not make any sense. At this point the overall supply is set and pumping more often does not change the receptors. No 4 month old baby is going to nurse round the clock, that is not nature’s way. OP’s wife could change the schedule and just pump more at each sitting. What she is doing is depleting her body and likely a sign of postpartum mental health issues, from not sleeping and trauma of worry about not feeding your baby. I get that it is visceral but I also want her to get help.