Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are wasting your time
Do not date a guy with kids
Do not date a guy who is in love with a ghost

Date a guy who is in love with you
A for whom you are his first choice

This guy would not go for you if his wife was alive. You are not her and he is still in love with her, not you

He is just being lazy

-1 Plenty of people are able to find love after being widowed, and they do not pine for ghosts or stay in love with the deceased.

Sorry, they do stay in love with the deceased but they are capable of a second love.

In love and love are two different things. Even spouses in long term marriages may love but not be "in love" so why would widows be different?

Many posters on this forum are narcissistic. They see themselves as the dead wife and would rather their husbands spend the rest of their days miserable than finding happiness. Everything is a competition for them or never love them as much as me... always be in love with me it's rather said. If I go and I hope my husband can find happiness and love again and doesn't waste away loving my memory.

Better to find a widower who has known love than someone who has cheated, failed in multiple past relationships, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are wasting your time
Do not date a guy with kids
Do not date a guy who is in love with a ghost

Date a guy who is in love with you
A for whom you are his first choice

This guy would not go for you if his wife was alive. You are not her and he is still in love with her, not you

He is just being lazy

-1 Plenty of people are able to find love after being widowed, and they do not pine for ghosts or stay in love with the deceased.

Sorry, they do stay in love with the deceased but they are capable of a second love.

In love and love are two different things. Even spouses in long term marriages may love but not be "in love" so why would widows be different?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are wasting your time
Do not date a guy with kids
Do not date a guy who is in love with a ghost

Date a guy who is in love with you
A for whom you are his first choice

This guy would not go for you if his wife was alive. You are not her and he is still in love with her, not you

He is just being lazy

This is the truth. He is lazy and doesn't want to enter the dating market. He wants a woman with no kids of her own, and most likely younger. There's also a unequal power dynamic here. Will his social set or family accept you? What happens to your relationship when the kids are grown. . . Unless you plan to get pregnant and keep your nanny status going.

OP said they're both late 30s, so this is not a case of 50 year old boss creeping on 20 something year old nanny
OP said his family she has met is nice. Now dynamics could change if she's the girlfriend wife number 2 and not the nanny.
OP is 38 even if she leaves this man alone odds are any man she dates will have kids, have been married or other " baggage". That's how dating is when you're near 40.

People lose spouses and fall in love and remarry all the time. He will likely always have a place in his heart for his first wife..but come on the guy is just coming up on 40. He likely has at least another 40 years left. Do you really think he'll never fall in love again and spend the rest of his days sad and pining?

I don't know what his motivation is it could be he's just trying to get out there and OP is an easy option.
But she's not really that easy. She's the nanny. He has to see her all the time.

Easy would be asking OP to babysit late a few nights a week so he can bang a 25 year old who he can forget about the next day.

Lastly, not all nannies are low class and uneducated. My DH and I purposely hired a nanny with degrees in early education and psychology. She's also multilingual, learning one of the languages as a kid at her prep school. She grew up with more money than either of us.She actually taught at a highly respected school before becoming a nanny.

As for OP I think she's wise to not go there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are wasting your time
Do not date a guy with kids
Do not date a guy who is in love with a ghost

Date a guy who is in love with you
A for whom you are his first choice

This guy would not go for you if his wife was alive. You are not her and he is still in love with her, not you

He is just being lazy

-1 Plenty of people are able to find love after being widowed, and they do not pine for ghosts or stay in love with the deceased.

Sorry, they do stay in love with the deceased but they are capable of a second love.

Anonymous wrote:You are wasting your time
Do not date a guy with kids
Do not date a guy who is in love with a ghost

Date a guy who is in love with you
A for whom you are his first choice

This guy would not go for you if his wife was alive. You are not her and he is still in love with her, not you

He is just being lazy

-1 Plenty of people are able to find love after being widowed, and they do not pine for ghosts or stay in love with the deceased.

Anonymous wrote:You are wasting your time
Do not date a guy with kids
Do not date a guy who is in love with a ghost

Date a guy who is in love with you
A for whom you are his first choice

This guy would not go for you if his wife was alive. You are not her and he is still in love with her, not you

He is just being lazy

This is the truth. He is lazy and doesn't want to enter the dating market. He wants a woman with no kids of her own, and most likely younger. There's also a unequal power dynamic here. Will his social set or family accept you? What happens to your relationship when the kids are grown. . . Unless you plan to get pregnant and keep your nanny status going.