Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

In life, you don’t attract what you want. You attract what you are.
You attract immature irresponsible guys because you’re a whiny little brat (immature) who is always blaming everybody and everything for her problems and never bothers to look in the mirror (irresponsible).

This.

You’re literally dumping guys and not giving them a chance because...they didn’t iron their shirt that day or because you went to hook up with them in your first date and they didn’t make their bed because they probably weren’t expecting to hook up yet.

You say you have one expectation and you have a laundry list of issues, many of them being very minor.

If you’re that picky because you don’t have a guy who looks like he’s in a J Crew catalog to showoff for your instagram friends, you’re going to end up being a single cat lady the rest of your life.

Maybe...give people a chance? Or look inward at your own self issues?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not asking too much but you should reflect on why you're connecting with men who don't match that list. For example, in my experience, i was avoiding relationships with people who were available. I had to come to grips with why I was making bad choices which resulted in lack of intimacy instead of choosing men who were ready for intimacy. Don't know what your issue is, OP, but I would wonder if something similar is the case with you.

I suspect a lot has to do with the ratio of eligible men to women. Men can just lay back and put zero effort finding a woman, especially when they get older and start panicking about their biological clocks. I feel like even the most slovenly basement dweller can find a mate whereas plenty of attractive and successful women get left out.

It's really just a result of Tinder and the ease of the booty call. So many men are disinterested in any sort of commitment. Men used to actually have to work at getting laid. Now sex is free. No need for these guys to care. Way more women out there looking to settle down than men. The pickings are slim.

Anonymous wrote:Iron a shirt on a first date is one of your rules?
Are you serious? My husband makes $500k plus and doesn’t have clothing for work he needs to iron.

Your post comes across as really aggressive. And negative. You said “just one thing”, and then you are honing in on ironing, and vague with a lot of your demands such as caring, etc.

In order for a man to do these things, YOU have to present yourself as someone who is worthy of showing up on time for, not ghosting on, calling to make plans.
I would look at yourself and see what qualities you have that men think it’s okay to treat you like this and do.

I was with you until this last paragraph of absolute horseshit.

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

In life, you don’t attract what you want. You attract what you are.
You attract immature irresponsible guys because you’re a whiny little brat (immature) who is always blaming everybody and everything for her problems and never bothers to look in the mirror (irresponsible).

I have one standard

(Writes a laundry list of demands)

Iron a shirt on a first date is one of your rules?
Are you serious? My husband makes $500k plus and doesn’t have clothing for work he needs to iron.

Your post comes across as really aggressive. And negative. You said “just one thing”, and then you are honing in on ironing, and vague with a lot of your demands such as caring, etc.

In order for a man to do these things, YOU have to present yourself as someone who is worthy of showing up on time for, not ghosting on, calling to make plans.
I would look at yourself and see what qualities you have that men think it’s okay to treat you like this and do.

Except it isn't ONE Standard

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

You sound like a whiny, entitled, horrible date. No wonder you are still single. With a toxic personality like this, I'm sure any sane dude would avoid you like the plague.

Op wants a man to mold. Much easier to accomplish if you meet him young. Why not be a cougar, op? Could you attract a 20 something guy?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

Blah blah blah. Why are you still dating boys?

You meet good solid "men" all the time but turn them down for this reason or that (too short, not cute enough, too boring), but when it comes to a cute and/or rebellious and/or misunderstood and/or rough around the edges "boy" you go out with him. You chase him. You turn down good guy for the fun boy.

Lather-rinse-repeat. And then post on DCUM that you can't find "a man".

Please....

Where in OP's post did she mention that she turned down men for being too short or not cute enough? She posted that he can be overweight or short, just be an adult and be put together decently.

Projecting much? Maybe if you didn't have such a chip on your shoulder, you'd get more dates.

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

Be careful. A sociopath/narcissist/psychopath can meet all of those, except for taking responsibility for his actions and treating others with respect/respecting others' time & energy. BUT in the beginning of a relationship he can definitely fake that one until he feels you are sufficiently hooked.

My narc ex-husband would pass all of those with flying colors...and the fake charm/empathy would be laid on thick. But he would eventually move from the idealize phase to the devalue phase. And then ultimately the discard phase.

You would be ripe for the picking to my ex-H.

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

Blah blah blah. Why are you still dating boys?

You meet good solid "men" all the time but turn them down for this reason or that (too short, not cute enough, too boring), but when it comes to a cute and/or rebellious and/or misunderstood and/or rough around the edges "boy" you go out with him. You chase him. You turn down good guy for the fun boy.

Lather-rinse-repeat. And then post on DCUM that you can't find "a man".

Please....

While I understand and agree with the spirit of your post, OP, I think you try too hard to narrowly define "being an adult."

My partner is the love of my life and we are certainly "adults" but I don't think he fits these characteristics narrowly defined. If you are going by a general vibe of integrity and maturity, that's one thing, but if you define maturity by these metrics, you may be overlooking some great people.

My partner was not financially stable when we met. He was a scrappy guy in and out of quite a few different jobs and now he has a VERY good job, the culmination of a long and satisfying career.

He wasn't financially irresponsible per se, but he was poor when we met. He took some risks.

He is very messy. We compromise. The bedroom and most of the downstairs are to be kept tidy, but he gets his study which is a mountain of mess. The kitchen sometimes gets dirty when we both are busy. And yes, sometimes he can be a slob. He is overweight and sometimes spills food on his clothes but it's funny and endearing, not gross. He can clean up real well though, and it's sexy when he does.

He is a goofball and a nerd about some things that, while not video games like you reference, could be characteristic of the proverbial "basement dweller" from back in the day. He has a crazy schedule and sometimes isn't reliable to be home or meet me at a certain time, but we make it count when we can get away somewhere together.

So, no. Narrowly defined, he doesn't fit your definition of "ADULT." But if that makes us 60-something year old children, then our youth springs eternal.

Anonymous wrote:You had me at everything except make your bed. So I guess I'm not your type

+1. Still don't make my bed, waste of time. Neat otherwise though.

You had me at everything except make your bed. So I guess I'm not your type