Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best way to handle it is to visit their houses and clear out all your stuff. Why does a grown woman have stuff at her parents' houses anyway and why do you think it's on them to clear out your junk?

When I moved out after college I threw away everything I had stored there. These are things they apparently were storing themselves.

Sure, OP.

As I said in my OP, I have a reputation for being pretty brutal about disposing of “sentimental” stuff. I would never leave things around just because.

God god, OP. You are tedious. You seem to take your reputation as unsentimental as a justification to be a whiny, ungrateful jerk.

Gosh, I can still remember the look on my grandmother's face when we were helping her move after my grandfather died and she handed me this project I had built as a child and I threw it right in a garbage bag. She was like "AHHHHH! I loved that! You loved that! You played with that all the time! I touch it and think of you every time I walk by! Don't you want it?"

I told her I loved her and said thank you for watching over it but that I didn't need it. She asked again if I wanted it and I just asked if SHE did...she giggled and begrudgingly said no and we moved on... it made me aware to throw items out in a not- obvious way. I think the post is expensive for mailing items like this (my family send me items from the UK and Canada and it's $$$ and sometimes customs rips into it, roots around and retapes, never packing it back correctly so some items have gotten broken). But after telling them a few times that they didn't have to send items to me, I just ignore it, say thanks and proceed with going through it/throwing it out.

I know I will miss it when it's gone- someone somewhere else in the world remembering and valuing our shared past in that way. When there is no one else to send me useless crap I will actually feel sad and like an official grown-up. I guess then I will send useless crap to people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They should charge you a storage fee. It's your job to throw out the stuff you no longer value that they have been holding for you. You really are a brat.

Jesus. You people really do not get it. This is not a situation where I have used my parents for storage. I’ve always liberally purges garbage and did not (intentionally) leave anything behind.

OP, my parents (well, my mom) are like yours. It pains her to throw things away. She just can't do it. It's literally traumatic for her to see things get tossed that (in her mind) are still useful or could be useful. You're right in that the people replying here really don't get it-- and unless you've lived with people like this, I can understand why you would not understand. It doesn't make logical sense.

Saying, "hey Mom and Dad, I don't want any of this stuff so please throw it out" 1) will not work, and 2) will upset them, which in turn 3) upset you. Been there, done that. For everyone's sanity, my advice is to just take the path of least resistance. "Hi Mom, got the package, thanks!" Then just throw the stuff away. Is it a waste of postage? Yes it is. But is cost of postage (that you aren't paying) worth the fight. No it is not.

Does your mom ever ask you any follow up questions about the stuff she gave you or is she satisfied just passing it on to you?

No, not really. She doesn't travel any more due to health reasons and we live far away, so she hasn't been to visit us in years. For her once it's out of sight it's pretty much out of mind. If she were coming to our house frequently it might be different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They should charge you a storage fee. It's your job to throw out the stuff you no longer value that they have been holding for you. You really are a brat.

Jesus. You people really do not get it. This is not a situation where I have used my parents for storage. I’ve always liberally purges garbage and did not (intentionally) leave anything behind.

OP, my parents (well, my mom) are like yours. It pains her to throw things away. She just can't do it. It's literally traumatic for her to see things get tossed that (in her mind) are still useful or could be useful. You're right in that the people replying here really don't get it-- and unless you've lived with people like this, I can understand why you would not understand. It doesn't make logical sense.

Saying, "hey Mom and Dad, I don't want any of this stuff so please throw it out" 1) will not work, and 2) will upset them, which in turn 3) upset you. Been there, done that. For everyone's sanity, my advice is to just take the path of least resistance. "Hi Mom, got the package, thanks!" Then just throw the stuff away. Is it a waste of postage? Yes it is. But is cost of postage (that you aren't paying) worth the fight. No it is not.

Does your mom ever ask you any follow up questions about the stuff she gave you or is she satisfied just passing it on to you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They should charge you a storage fee. It's your job to throw out the stuff you no longer value that they have been holding for you. You really are a brat.

Jesus. You people really do not get it. This is not a situation where I have used my parents for storage. I’ve always liberally purges garbage and did not (intentionally) leave anything behind.

OP, my parents (well, my mom) are like yours. It pains her to throw things away. She just can't do it. It's literally traumatic for her to see things get tossed that (in her mind) are still useful or could be useful. You're right in that the people replying here really don't get it-- and unless you've lived with people like this, I can understand why you would not understand. It doesn't make logical sense.

Saying, "hey Mom and Dad, I don't want any of this stuff so please throw it out" 1) will not work, and 2) will upset them, which in turn 3) upset you. Been there, done that. For everyone's sanity, my advice is to just take the path of least resistance. "Hi Mom, got the package, thanks!" Then just throw the stuff away. Is it a waste of postage? Yes it is. But is cost of postage (that you aren't paying) worth the fight. No it is not.

Anonymous wrote:I hate clutter too and also dealt with too much stuff when my mom died. I went through and sorted into piles and bags and donated to various charities. But I also feel we’ve gone too far in throwing things out. I have two little girls and know fro. Them that scrunches are back. Couldn’t there be a little girl in your life who might love your genuine 80s scrunches? I do spend some time thinking if I can give these things to people in my life, repurpose or just store out of the 2sy for a while before tossing to the landfill. And it’s always a good reminder to me to buy less stuff.

Wouldn't the elastic in those scrunchies be brittle by now? Nothing lasts forever.

Anonymous wrote:This is a good lesson to purge through life. My daughter threw away a ton of stuff when she moved back in from college. At the time, I was only a tiny bit sad saying goodbye to those childhood mementos, since the memories were still pretty fresh. I imagine it would be far different than if I had to go through these things when she was 30 or 40 and they've taken on mythic memories.

Do the Kondo-like thing in that you thank your parents for keeping these things and for giving you the option to save them. Then tell them you would like them to send anything that's a photo or small paper items (like diplomas) that you will consider, but have enough of anything else and the cost of sending them will outweigh the benefits.

Honestly, the boxes of stuff take time and mental/physical energy to go through. They've been storing this stuff for years and probably have no clue what is inside of those boxes. That is why they are mailing entire boxes of miscl crap to Op.

If I got a box like that, I'd take it outside, go through it and toss out most (or all) of the items right then and there. I wouldn't just dump it in case there really was something worth saving.

I hate clutter too and also dealt with too much stuff when my mom died. I went through and sorted into piles and bags and donated to various charities. But I also feel we’ve gone too far in throwing things out. I have two little girls and know fro. Them that scrunches are back. Couldn’t there be a little girl in your life who might love your genuine 80s scrunches? I do spend some time thinking if I can give these things to people in my life, repurpose or just store out of the 2sy for a while before tossing to the landfill. And it’s always a good reminder to me to buy less stuff.

Just chuck the box in the trash when it is delivered. Done and done.

My MIL did this. If it’s crap from extreme youth, OP did not make the decision to keep it. My MIL took every scrap of paper my husband ever scribbled on and made scrapbooks. Dozens of scrap books filled with scribbles. When they all arrived on our doorstep, he was in shock. And the boxes kept arriving. Old baby blankets and scratchy baby booties...an adult chose to keep those and they clearly weren’t being stored in his bedroom where he could have gotten rid of them.

Some of y'all are funny. OP, this would annoy me too. I would let them know to stop sending. If they continue to do so, throw out whatever you want.

Anonymous wrote:Why is Op making this an issue? So many ways to find fault with one's parents. Choosing to think the worst of parents. It's a small thing, deal with it.

NP. Does everyone else’s parents have some unlimited amount of money to spend on cross country postage? I know questions about 7 figure inheritance ps are not uncommon here, so maybe I am the only one who hates to see my parents squandering money, but it kills me when my parents spend money on useless stuff like this.

Anonymous wrote:I have a 7 yr old DD and a toddler DS. My parents (divorced) each separately keep sending (or bringing when visiting) old childhood stuff that I do not want, under the guise of giving these things to my daughter. Most recently it was a box of scrunchies and hair ties—truly things that should have been thrown away long long ago. DD opened it, made a confused face, and went back on about her day.

Do I encourage them to just toss anything they don’t want to keep around? I don’t think I ever said I wanted them to keep these things for me but in my 35 years on this planet who knows what I told them (or what they heard). Family has actually accused me of being unsentimental to the point it hurts feelings so I want to be respectful but I would love it if this stopped.

Some of us would love to have the option to keep this stuff. But, our parents just tossed things indiscriminately. They are being kind. I'm not sure why you would see this any other way. Just toss it once you get it if you don't want the stuff. But you may find that you do.

It’s too emotional for them to put it in the trash.

My MIL does this. My husband trashes 99% of it. Every once in awhile there is a gem—like his old childhood Cleveland Browns piggy bank.

We have no qualms trashing it for them.

My mom is a cleanser—-exact opposite of a hoarder. Whatever she dies bring is something truly special. And very minimal.

This is a good lesson to purge through life. My daughter threw away a ton of stuff when she moved back in from college. At the time, I was only a tiny bit sad saying goodbye to those childhood mementos, since the memories were still pretty fresh. I imagine it would be far different than if I had to go through these things when she was 30 or 40 and they've taken on mythic memories.

Do the Kondo-like thing in that you thank your parents for keeping these things and for giving you the option to save them. Then tell them you would like them to send anything that's a photo or small paper items (like diplomas) that you will consider, but have enough of anything else and the cost of sending them will outweigh the benefits.