I struggle with this. My 10 year old DS has some extra fat on his belly. My DH teases him mildly and I hate that. Yet, he's the first one to succumb when the kids ask for pizza. I never say a word about weight and buy most of the groceries. DS has a fairly good diet and is pretty fit. His ped isn't remotely concerned.

If DH has the energy to tease about weight, he should have the energy to get off the couch, go to the store, and buy the makings of a slightly more healthy pizza and make it with the kids.

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t read the other comments..

I am assuming your DD has a bit of a belly but is not actually overweight? (As in, the ped has not said so)? I would not worry...

1) bodies come in different shapes and sizes- my twig of a DD- 5th grade- has a bit of a pooch (2) puberty may be upon you- starts so much earlier now

Realistically what can a parent do? Serve 3 reasonably healthy meals, limit snacks and treats, encourage (force! if needed) physical activity.

That is it. Do the above (with proper follow through and genuine attention) and let the chips fall. That is all you CAN do.

The rest is just noise.

If you and DH are slender she will likely grow out of it. If you aren’t - maybe not. But either way you’ve done your job. Not everyone is skinny.

Maybe you should have.

My DD is about to turn 14 and it's amazing how she and her group of friends morph over the years.

DD was very very thin for many years, almost scarily so, but is now on the cusp of puberty (yes it's late) and is almost stocky now.

Her best friend was always a bit plump, sometimes fat for a few years, and then went through puberty and now looks like a professional model, tall and thin.

Another girl was always very tall for her age and went through early puberty and now is quite small.

I wouldn't judge any girl's body type at age 8 or third grade.

I was that 9 year old (with a skinny sister)

It’s a hard thing to navigate. My parents had really good intentions, though I have bad memories of my mom asking all the time if I was “sure I needed that third cookie.” She also encouraged an older cousin to take me running. And I remember a matter of fact conversation with my pediatrician. In the end though, it worked out. I’ve never been a skinny person but at 40 am reasonably fit and at the high end of weight for my height (always have been) but not overweight and have always had a pretty healthy body image at least compared to a lot of women I know.

The cookie comments may or may not have been helpful. Keeping junk out of the house, serving healthy foods (having fruit or veggies cut up and easy to access), encouraging activity, and otherwise raising me as a capable and confident kid all helped.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wonder if folks realize that if everyone ate healthfully-- in portions appropriate to their genuine appetites-- and exercised frequently... there would still be a non-zero percentage of fat people? By definition, 5 percent of people will be in the 95th percentile for weight, and 10 percent in the 90th, etc., even if they are doing everything "right."

I don't know why people can accept that there are skinny people who eat nothing but truckloads of junk food and not the opposite. Yeah, yeah, yeah, lots of fat people do have unhealthy habits-- and maybe more of them do than skinny people. But some people are designed to be very healthy-- and chubby, or even fat!

Actually, there are significantly more children above the 95th percentile than there were 20 or 30 years ago.

This. And the top percentiles in weight should be filled by kids that are top percentiles in height. Obviously a woman that is 5’11” should weigh more than the one that is 5’2”. Previous PP does NOT make a valid point. Nobody is naturally fat. Some people may have a larger built and for some people it may be easier to gain weight. That is why not everyone should eat the same amount of calories. If your kids eat perfectly healthy and in small portion, but are still fat, then they need to eat less (or different/less caloric food). Nobody should be overweight because it’s healthy... it’s NOT

Anonymous wrote:Wonder if folks realize that if everyone ate healthfully-- in portions appropriate to their genuine appetites-- and exercised frequently... there would still be a non-zero percentage of fat people? By definition, 5 percent of people will be in the 95th percentile for weight, and 10 percent in the 90th, etc., even if they are doing everything "right."

I don't know why people can accept that there are skinny people who eat nothing but truckloads of junk food and not the opposite. Yeah, yeah, yeah, lots of fat people do have unhealthy habits-- and maybe more of them do than skinny people. But some people are designed to be very healthy-- and chubby, or even fat!

Actually, there are significantly more children above the 95th percentile than there were 20 or 30 years ago.

Didn’t read the other comments..

I am assuming your DD has a bit of a belly but is not actually overweight? (As in, the ped has not said so)? I would not worry...

1) bodies come in different shapes and sizes- my twig of a DD- 5th grade- has a bit of a pooch (2) puberty may be upon you- starts so much earlier now

Realistically what can a parent do? Serve 3 reasonably healthy meals, limit snacks and treats, encourage (force! if needed) physical activity.

That is it. Do the above (with proper follow through and genuine attention) and let the chips fall. That is all you CAN do.

The rest is just noise.

If you and DH are slender she will likely grow out of it. If you aren’t - maybe not. But either way you’ve done your job. Not everyone is skinny.

Anonymous wrote:Wonder if folks realize that if everyone ate healthfully-- in portions appropriate to their genuine appetites-- and exercised frequently... there would still be a non-zero percentage of fat people? By definition, 5 percent of people will be in the 95th percentile for weight, and 10 percent in the 90th, etc., even if they are doing everything "right."

I don't know why people can accept that there are skinny people who eat nothing but truckloads of junk food and not the opposite. Yeah, yeah, yeah, lots of fat people do have unhealthy habits-- and maybe more of them do than skinny people. But some people are designed to be very healthy-- and chubby, or even fat!

Good point, especially here in the US where the work week is long and most people live in areas where they have to use a car instead of walking or biking.

Wonder if folks realize that if everyone ate healthfully-- in portions appropriate to their genuine appetites-- and exercised frequently... there would still be a non-zero percentage of fat people? By definition, 5 percent of people will be in the 95th percentile for weight, and 10 percent in the 90th, etc., even if they are doing everything "right."

I don't know why people can accept that there are skinny people who eat nothing but truckloads of junk food and not the opposite. Yeah, yeah, yeah, lots of fat people do have unhealthy habits-- and maybe more of them do than skinny people. But some people are designed to be very healthy-- and chubby, or even fat!

Did not read the comments, but she will outgrow it. My DD had potbelly through 4th grade and her face and thighs were super chubby through 6th grade. She is 8th grade now and beautiful - tall and thin/sporty (not as skinny as some of her peers though).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guarantee you will give her a lifelong weight complex if you bring it up. Honestly how would you feel if she got an eating disorder?

If her pediatrician isn’t worried at her annual checkups you shouldn’t be worried either.

The pediatrician is worried op said .ridiculose to think saying something will cause issues. There already is an issue.

I would try and incorporate more exercise. Talk about portion control. If your still hungry after eating dinner get a second helping of fruit. Dont eat another steak and potatoes . 1/2 the plate should be fruit and veggies .

There is not an issue unless they make it one. She's 8 or 9 years old. As I stated upthread, they should take a good long look at what they are eating and doing as a family before they say a word to this child. The comments that people make about your body stick with you FOREVER.

There are a lot of things they can do before they get to the point of telling a 3rd grader her tummy is fat, some of which you included. Plate the food. Half of the plate fruits and veggies. Eat fewer carbs as a family. As the cook, I cook "just enough" for things I don't want anybody having seconds of. "There is no more steak" is a lot different than "your tummy is too fat for more steak"or "you don't need anymore steak". See how that works? There are some things my kids LOVE and always want seconds of that are not great for them. I don't cook those very often, so when I do, the seconds are fine (and we don't see that for dinner again for a month or three).

This. I will never forget my dad telling me that I was "getting chunky" when I was 6, and again at 10. Even at 10 I remember thinking "how is this my fault" when my parents prepared all the food I ate. I felt ashamed and confused and angry. (And looking at pictures of myself then, I was not fat at all. I was very slim, though not as skinny as my sister.) From age 6 on I viewed myself as fat and ugly. It's not a nice way to grow up. My parents were otherwise awesome but not about food. My dad would constantly tell us "don't get fat like me[dad]" without explaining how one would get fat, what contributed, etc. We were very active kids and not fat at all.

I am terrified of doing this to my kids. Of course at the same time I also don't want them to be fat, so it's a hard line to walk, but we talk a lot about making healthy choices that make your body feel good, and I have never once said the word "fat" in their presence nor have I heard them use it -- yet. I'm sure the time will come.

The 3rd grader doesn't need anyone to tell her about a "pot belly."

She needs mom and dad to talk to the pediatrician without her, probably change her eating habits and exercise habits and do this with her. Not tell her anything. Just serve different food and fewer treats. Tell her mom and dad need to watch their weight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the idea that so many people are saying to never say anything to her about her weight or her eating are in lala land. You really think she will be happy and healthy and have no body image or eating issues as an obese tween / teen? you rally think moist obese people are unaware they have a weight problem and just go through life on cloud 9 because no one ever commented on their weight or intake.

If your kids teeth were rotted black would you not say or do anything and just pretend you didn't notice because who cares about dental health as log as you don't say anything then she won't know she has bad teeth and will will be hunky dory?

It is just weight. It isn't a big deal unless you make it one by acting like talking about weight is some kind of horrific act. People who are horrified about talking about weight are the same people whose kids grow up with eating disorders and weight problems and poor body image.

MANY people who struggle with obesity and many people who struggle with eating disorders (WHICH CAN BE FATAL) had people talk to them about their weight, tell them they were fat, tell them they were getting "chunky" when they were at impressionable ages. It is like you are completely asleep about the psychological reasons for both overeating and malnutrition.

Not at all. I just don't agree. I have actually worked with people who are obese who wish desperately that someone had intervened when they were young and they have body issues and health issues and eating issues related to trauma and other things that have nothing to do with comments made. They actually knew they were fat. They aren't stupid and would have appreciated help in learning how to manage their weight. The idea that if Op and his wife just ignore the doc and never say anything her about her weight no matter how big she gets - then the daughter will grow up no issues is absurd.

Most people are not saying to not intervene. We are telling him to not make comments but to actually change their lifestyle. Which is the ONLY evidence-based treatment for childhood obesity! There isn't another evidence-based treatment. Telling her she is getting fat is not evidenced based treatment. Telling her to eat less food is not evidenced based treatment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aren’t fruits full of sugar?

Sure, if you have an eating disorder. No one ever got fat from too many apples.

This, so much fiber. Eat fruit, people.

Could it just be that it's winter and kids aren't playing outside as much? My kid is also getting a little belly, but she's been so inactive since the colder weather hit. She swims now and next month starts soccer and running.

Maybe something sports-y would help?