Anonymous wrote:I don't judge but envy those who can afford help.

I took care of my twins by myself and started resenting a lot of things. I stopped cooking the grown up meals which were more time consuming since it was either take care of the babies or do cooking and cleaning. We ate out most of the time the first two years.


I used to go away for a couple of hours by myself on weekends just to get breathing space. None of it helped. I was angry at the littlest things, frustrated and my kids remember me this way. My husband was of the opinion that a SAHM has to do everything because I am not "working" and refused to hire help. My marriage went downhill after that.

I totally regret not having the nanny or an occasional baby sitter and I feel I did not get to enjoy my children at that stage as much as I should have. I considered doing things for them a chore because I was so worn out.

For those of you who can afford help, get it - spending meaningful time with your kids is more important than the daily drudge of cooking and cleaning.

Anonymous wrote:I can be pretty judgy of people who refuse to hire any help. One of my fellow biglaw associates had a husband with also a demanding job. They had no nanny, no cleaning service. Of course it compromised her ability to meet expectations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only judge when I see something where parents are super unengaged and it seems like they are overly hands off. Recent example: nice restaurant in Manhattan on a Sunday afternoon. 2 parents sat there drinking wine and talking/on their phones for a 2.5 he meal where they didn't once interact with the one 4ish year old who was there with them, with the nanny. Idk, maybe they're amazing the other 99 percent of the time, but I side eyed a bit. I can't imagine having one kid and needing to hire someone to accompany me and spouse to a Sunday brunch.

I agree with this and the PP further upthread who basically said something similar. If parents hire lots of help to avoid having to deal with their kids, I would judge that. Those people should not have kids.

I can understand parents who hire help with things if they can afford it, but I do wonder what it does to the kids if all the household work is outsourced. They will be those kids who go to college and fall apart. There is something to be said about learning the basics of doing your laundry, cleaning your bathroom, doing the dishes, mowing the lawn etc.

I’m a SAHM with a PT nanny. When we have guests in the home, I often have the nanny watch my 2yo. Perhaps when we host I look like I’m not engaging her. When I’m out to eat with friends or DH, that’s when she gets a screen (our phone).

We spend so much time with her. She is loved. I take her on outings, play with her, run errands with her. I do not bring our nanny with us to meals out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think no one parent should have to deal with multiple children on their own for more than a couple of hours. So if you’re alone with 2 kids, of course you hire a helper. Or if you and DH have 3 kids, of course you hire a helper.

Did it ever occur to some of you to just stop at one kid if you can't handle more than that without help. Serious question.

+1 If you are the kind of person that is too low energy for multiple kids, or too rigid, inflexible and/or anxious to handle more than one on your own, then do your kid a favor and keep him/her an only child!

Anonymous wrote:It seems like you have some issues to get over. I grew up in a home with a housekeeper and had a nanny until I was 12. We had a car service.

As an adult, we have a housekeeper and a nanny. I think nothing of people who have any amount of help. Everyone does what they're comfortable with. Why judge at all?

Anonymous wrote:I can be pretty judgy of people who refuse to hire any help. One of my fellow biglaw associates had a husband with also a demanding job. They had no nanny, no cleaning service. Of course it compromised her ability to meet expectations.

Anonymous wrote:I think no one parent should have to deal with multiple children on their own for more than a couple of hours. So if you’re alone with 2 kids, of course you hire a helper. Or if you and DH have 3 kids, of course you hire a helper.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think no one parent should have to deal with multiple children on their own for more than a couple of hours. So if you’re alone with 2 kids, of course you hire a helper. Or if you and DH have 3 kids, of course you hire a helper.

Did it ever occur to some of you to just stop at one kid if you can't handle more than that without help. Serious question.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only judge when I see something where parents are super unengaged and it seems like they are overly hands off. Recent example: nice restaurant in Manhattan on a Sunday afternoon. 2 parents sat there drinking wine and talking/on their phones for a 2.5 he meal where they didn't once interact with the one 4ish year old who was there with them, with the nanny. Idk, maybe they're amazing the other 99 percent of the time, but I side eyed a bit. I can't imagine having one kid and needing to hire someone to accompany me and spouse to a Sunday brunch.

I agree with this and the PP further upthread who basically said something similar. If parents hire lots of help to avoid having to deal with their kids, I would judge that. Those people should not have kids.

I can understand parents who hire help with things if they can afford it, but I do wonder what it does to the kids if all the household work is outsourced. They will be those kids who go to college and fall apart. There is something to be said about learning the basics of doing your laundry, cleaning your bathroom, doing the dishes, mowing the lawn etc.

Anonymous wrote:I think no one parent should have to deal with multiple children on their own for more than a couple of hours. So if you’re alone with 2 kids, of course you hire a helper. Or if you and DH have 3 kids, of course you hire a helper.

Anonymous wrote:I only judge when I see something where parents are super unengaged and it seems like they are overly hands off. Recent example: nice restaurant in Manhattan on a Sunday afternoon. 2 parents sat there drinking wine and talking/on their phones for a 2.5 he meal where they didn't once interact with the one 4ish year old who was there with them, with the nanny. Idk, maybe they're amazing the other 99 percent of the time, but I side eyed a bit. I can't imagine having one kid and needing to hire someone to accompany me and spouse to a Sunday brunch.