Anonymous wrote:Isadora Duncan, is that you?!

?? No.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your husband ever hit you? Have your children witnessed him hitting you?

I also agree that the reaction of the 8 year old is off and I wonder if she’s learned to not intervene.

The entire scenario and its details are hard to believe.

All of this, but especially the bolded.

+2

Oh jeez! Husband has never hit me or the children.

Fair enough. I brought it up as a possible explanation.
Do you hit or spank as a form of punishment?

No.

Family fight club.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And my husband roughhouses with them a lot. Play fights, and he lets them beat up on him, and he is rough with them. I don’t like that stuff, so I draw pretty clear boundaries with me in terms of hitting, etc.
.

Can you describe this more? A friend of my husband play fights with his son and I’ve found the way they fight to be especially violent. Once he threw the kid several yards and I was afraid he’d break a bone. This friend always stuck me as being “off” and he always had to be ‘dominant’. The family moved away so I don’t know what happened to them.
Not saying this is what your husband is like, but that story came to mind and I’m wondering if your children are modeling the behaviors they see in their father.

It’s just how my husband plays with them and connects with them. The kids absolutely love it. But it does get them all riled up and I do feel like the lines get blurred as to what’s ok and what’s not. They hit and fight each other. When they all roughhouse, it almost always ends in the 5yo getting hurt and crying or he gets too wild and my husband starts yelling at him. It’s not abusive, but I do feel like it’s their way of getting out their pent up frustrations out with each other.

OP, if your story is real and you’re not a fiction writer testing out a plot point, your internal barometer has been messed up by an abusive childhood. My husband roughhouses with our kid— serious play fighting, hitting, wrestling— and she NEVER gets hurt or ends up crying and he never ends up yelling at her. It’s not supposed to be a way of getting out pent up frustrations AT each other— at least not from the adult in the direction of the kid.

Yeah honestly we’ve fought about it. And he has toned it down a notch. Husband’s argument is that they beg him for it so it’s on them if they get hurt. It does drive me a little crazy.

That’s a bad argument. He’s the adult. My husband was a wrestler in HS and he learned he was “responsible for the safe return of [his] opponent to the mat.” An adult can roughhouse, but HE is still responsible for their safety (exceptions for when they try something wildly stupid and he’s not involved, like trying to jump on him from the second floor).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your husband ever hit you? Have your children witnessed him hitting you?

I also agree that the reaction of the 8 year old is off and I wonder if she’s learned to not intervene.

The entire scenario and its details are hard to believe.

All of this, but especially the bolded.

+2

Oh jeez! Husband has never hit me or the children.

Then you’d better come up with a more plausible story for how you got the black eye if you plan to leave the house over the next week.

why would I make up THIS story to explain my black eye?? Like I really want to tell everyone that my 5yo choked me out and then beat me up while I was unconscious?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your husband ever hit you? Have your children witnessed him hitting you?

I also agree that the reaction of the 8 year old is off and I wonder if she’s learned to not intervene.

The entire scenario and its details are hard to believe.

All of this, but especially the bolded.

+2

Oh jeez! Husband has never hit me or the children.

Just roughhoused to the point that your DS gets hurt, starts crying and then gets yelled at?

Yeah, I’m less convinced that the husband is outright physically abusive and more concerned that a lot of over the line “roughhousing” happens— on the part of both the DH and the DS, who is “a handful” and “freakishly strong” and I’m guessing gets away with a lot of unacceptable hitting, kicking, etc. OP didn’t even immediately and physically stop him at the very moment he started strangling her. There’s definitely some combination of detachment, lack of boundaries and unacceptable physical acting out going on in this family, and the daughter is used to it.

Isadora Duncan, is that you?!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your husband ever hit you? Have your children witnessed him hitting you?

I also agree that the reaction of the 8 year old is off and I wonder if she’s learned to not intervene.

The entire scenario and its details are hard to believe.

All of this, but especially the bolded.

+2

Oh jeez! Husband has never hit me or the children.

Fair enough. I brought it up as a possible explanation.
Do you hit or spank as a form of punishment?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your husband ever hit you? Have your children witnessed him hitting you?

I also agree that the reaction of the 8 year old is off and I wonder if she’s learned to not intervene.

The entire scenario and its details are hard to believe.

All of this, but especially the bolded.

+2

Oh jeez! Husband has never hit me or the children.

Just roughhoused to the point that your DS gets hurt, starts crying and then gets yelled at?

Ok I kinda see your point. But roughhousing for fun when the kids are begging for it and physical abuse are two very different things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your husband ever hit you? Have your children witnessed him hitting you?

I also agree that the reaction of the 8 year old is off and I wonder if she’s learned to not intervene.

The entire scenario and its details are hard to believe.

All of this, but especially the bolded.

+2

Oh jeez! Husband has never hit me or the children.

Then you’d better come up with a more plausible story for how you got the black eye if you plan to leave the house over the next week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And my husband roughhouses with them a lot. Play fights, and he lets them beat up on him, and he is rough with them. I don’t like that stuff, so I draw pretty clear boundaries with me in terms of hitting, etc.
.

Can you describe this more? A friend of my husband play fights with his son and I’ve found the way they fight to be especially violent. Once he threw the kid several yards and I was afraid he’d break a bone. This friend always stuck me as being “off” and he always had to be ‘dominant’. The family moved away so I don’t know what happened to them.
Not saying this is what your husband is like, but that story came to mind and I’m wondering if your children are modeling the behaviors they see in their father.

It’s just how my husband plays with them and connects with them. The kids absolutely love it. But it does get them all riled up and I do feel like the lines get blurred as to what’s ok and what’s not. They hit and fight each other. When they all roughhouse, it almost always ends in the 5yo getting hurt and crying or he gets too wild and my husband starts yelling at him. It’s not abusive, but I do feel like it’s their way of getting out their pent up frustrations out with each other.

OP, if your story is real and you’re not a fiction writer testing out a plot point, your internal barometer has been messed up by an abusive childhood. My husband roughhouses with our kid— serious play fighting, hitting, wrestling— and she NEVER gets hurt or ends up crying and he never ends up yelling at her. It’s not supposed to be a way of getting out pent up frustrations AT each other— at least not from the adult in the direction of the kid.

Yeah honestly we’ve fought about it. And he has toned it down a notch. Husband’s argument is that they beg him for it so it’s on them if they get hurt. It does drive me a little crazy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your husband ever hit you? Have your children witnessed him hitting you?

I also agree that the reaction of the 8 year old is off and I wonder if she’s learned to not intervene.

The entire scenario and its details are hard to believe.

All of this, but especially the bolded.

+2

Oh jeez! Husband has never hit me or the children.

Just roughhoused to the point that your DS gets hurt, starts crying and then gets yelled at?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your husband ever hit you? Have your children witnessed him hitting you?

I also agree that the reaction of the 8 year old is off and I wonder if she’s learned to not intervene.

The entire scenario and its details are hard to believe.

All of this, but especially the bolded.

+2

Oh jeez! Husband has never hit me or the children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your husband ever hit you? Have your children witnessed him hitting you?

I also agree that the reaction of the 8 year old is off and I wonder if she’s learned to not intervene.

The entire scenario and its details are hard to believe.

All of this, but especially the bolded.

+2

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And my husband roughhouses with them a lot. Play fights, and he lets them beat up on him, and he is rough with them. I don’t like that stuff, so I draw pretty clear boundaries with me in terms of hitting, etc.
.

Can you describe this more? A friend of my husband play fights with his son and I’ve found the way they fight to be especially violent. Once he threw the kid several yards and I was afraid he’d break a bone. This friend always stuck me as being “off” and he always had to be ‘dominant’. The family moved away so I don’t know what happened to them.
Not saying this is what your husband is like, but that story came to mind and I’m wondering if your children are modeling the behaviors they see in their father.

It’s just how my husband plays with them and connects with them. The kids absolutely love it. But it does get them all riled up and I do feel like the lines get blurred as to what’s ok and what’s not. They hit and fight each other. When they all roughhouse, it almost always ends in the 5yo getting hurt and crying or he gets too wild and my husband starts yelling at him. It’s not abusive, but I do feel like it’s their way of getting out their pent up frustrations out with each other.

OP, if your story is real and you’re not a fiction writer testing out a plot point, your internal barometer has been messed up by an abusive childhood. My husband roughhouses with our kid— serious play fighting, hitting, wrestling— and she NEVER gets hurt or ends up crying and he never ends up yelling at her. It’s not supposed to be a way of getting out pent up frustrations AT each other— at least not from the adult in the direction of the kid.