Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t associate helicopter parenting with the boomers at all. My boomer parents, and those of every childhood friend I can think
of, were quite the opposite.

I do associate baby boomer parents with heavily researching pregnancy and childbirth;; being very involved in preschool selection and schools and clubs and being helicopter parents.

What to Expect When You're Expecting was first published in 1984. The typical 24-30 year old parents would have been born in 1954 to 1960 ... Baby Boomers were born between 1944 and 1964 so this book was influential for the later Baby Boomers and is typical of what they read. Ferber's book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problem" came out in 1985. These were huge books for Boomers and typical of their being very involved with every detail of their baby's lives.

My parents were whatever the generation before Boomers was (Lost? Silent?) and I'm an older GenX. I guarantee you Mom and Dad didn't read any books about pregnancy or how to get kids to fall asleep. They just did what they wanted or what their one doctor said (no doctor shopping). They did not research preschools. You went to the preschool that was closest if you went at all, and the public school that was nearest your house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's competitive parenting. That's how it is now. That doesn't mean now is better than how it was in the past.

+1

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Anonymous wrote:OP, it's competitive parenting. That's how it is now. That doesn't mean now is better than how it was in the past.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody has mentioned the amazing brain research that shows 80% of a child’s brain is wired by age 3 and 90% by age 5. It suddenly seems very important to invest in “quality time” at an age when, in previous generations, kids were still assumed to be blobs.

This is a really good point. It’s the main reason I outsource a lot and spend most of the time I’m at home engaged with my DD instead of cooking/cleaning. Once she hits elementary school, I’ll start to pick up more housework again.

Good luck with that. Once your child sees you as their personal entertainer, it’s hard to go back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This is a good point. I wonder if the "lack of village" contributes to parental burnout, impatience, etc. For those of us who have no local family or community, the relentlessness of being with your kids 24/7 can't be ignored. We love our kids, but there is no dropping them off at grandma's while we run a few errands. Date night means coordination of a babysitter, as does any adult function. Holidays means traveling with little ones and the expense of flights or days in the car. There is no running around with cousins on bored summer days, playdates have to be planned. This isn't exactly dumping your kid off on anyone else. Small, healthy breaks are needed.

Well, I can drop my kid off at MIL. She was a generation that neglected the kids. She was a SAM but her work was focused around being a house wife. The kids were sent outside all the time to play and fend for themselves and no time or attention spent on their development or academics.

So now when she is with my DC at home she doesn’t know what to do with it. She can’t send it outside. She doesn’t know how to interact and play with one. So she plops DC in front of TV or computer. And I’m being a quality parent don’t want DC to spend hours in front of a screen.

Anonymous wrote:I was born in 1975 and while I played outside with friends a lot, my parents absolutely played with me (and my siblings). Board games, dolls (mom), sports (dad). My dad helped me with math homework. I don’t think my friends parents were appreciably different.

Anonymous wrote:
This is a good point. I wonder if the "lack of village" contributes to parental burnout, impatience, etc. For those of us who have no local family or community, the relentlessness of being with your kids 24/7 can't be ignored. We love our kids, but there is no dropping them off at grandma's while we run a few errands. Date night means coordination of a babysitter, as does any adult function. Holidays means traveling with little ones and the expense of flights or days in the car. There is no running around with cousins on bored summer days, playdates have to be planned. This isn't exactly dumping your kid off on anyone else. Small, healthy breaks are needed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody has mentioned the amazing brain research that shows 80% of a child’s brain is wired by age 3 and 90% by age 5. It suddenly seems very important to invest in “quality time” at an age when, in previous generations, kids were still assumed to be blobs.

This is a really good point. It’s the main reason I outsource a lot and spend most of the time I’m at home engaged with my DD instead of cooking/cleaning. Once she hits elementary school, I’ll start to pick up more housework again.

Anonymous wrote:Nobody has mentioned the amazing brain research that shows 80% of a child’s brain is wired by age 3 and 90% by age 5. It suddenly seems very important to invest in “quality time” at an age when, in previous generations, kids were still assumed to be blobs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH was born in 62 and raised in “children should be seen and not heard” mode.

I feel like it wasn’t particularly nurturing. Him and his siblings have issues with relationships, communication, expressing feelings . So I can’t exactly say it turned out alright.

I want to add that his mom was a SAH and her parenting involvement was to say “go outside and play” and his dad looked at kids from behind a newspaper.

I think this generation overcompensating for neglect.

Benign neglect for the most part. “Go outside and play” is one of the best things you can say to a kid.