Anonymous
Post 02/11/2020 14:47     Subject: My single friend wants to be a mom
Anonymous wrote:

>>>There’s no credible argument that she should adopt over HAVING HER OWN (by ivf or otherwise) that doesn’t apply equally to every biological mom on DCUM. <<<

I am a single mom by choice and i adopted my child at 40. I was not interested in pregnancy. My daughter is my own child. Please watch your nomenclature.


+100
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2020 14:22     Subject: My single friend wants to be a mom
Our neighbor did this last year, and ended up having twins. She was 50 without any family nearby. She ended up selling the house and moving to a lower cost of living area. Miraculously she was also able to change her job to 100% telecommuting and keep it.

She seems happy, but I really wonder about the finances. I also wonder what will happen when it is time for the kids to go to college, and she is approaching her 70s. I think if you want to do it, doing it closer to 40 would be a much better idea.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2020 19:58     Subject: My single friend wants to be a mom


>>>There’s no credible argument that she should adopt over HAVING HER OWN (by ivf or otherwise) that doesn’t apply equally to every biological mom on DCUM. <<<

I am a single mom by choice and i adopted my child at 40. I was not interested in pregnancy. My daughter is my own child. Please watch your nomenclature.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2020 16:28     Subject: My single friend wants to be a mom
Single gay dad here. I do it all on my own. No problem. I don't worry about having a "female influence" in the kid's life -- guess what? He has them. I don't worry about what a bunch of fraus in the suburbs think of him -- he's fine. Smart and happy. So good luck to your friend.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2020 15:17     Subject: My single friend wants to be a mom
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm a single mom and don't really understand the people saying they couldn't leave the house to exercise or do errands. I joined a gym with child care and planned my errands efficiently so we could be in and out as quickly as possible. I'm a runner, so in nice weather I could run my daughter to preschool, combining the workout and commute to save time.

I also don't understand these people who somehow don't have time for a shower when they have a baby, so I might just be weird.


After they are asleep, it is hard to:

-run to the drugstore if they suddenly wake up sick.

-go to the emergency vet if the cat starts puking its guts out all over the house.

-get toilet paper or toothpaste if it runs out.

Etc., etc.



Yeah, you’re the perfect single mom who always has the right medicine and extra toilet paper and toothpaste on hand, and can miraculously cure the cat. Yay for you.



Are you still living in the 1980s? Literally ALL of that can be outsourced nowadays. Even the vet.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2020 15:15     Subject: My single friend wants to be a mom
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm a single mom and don't really understand the people saying they couldn't leave the house to exercise or do errands. I joined a gym with child care and planned my errands efficiently so we could be in and out as quickly as possible. I'm a runner, so in nice weather I could run my daughter to preschool, combining the workout and commute to save time.

I also don't understand these people who somehow don't have time for a shower when they have a baby, so I might just be weird.


After they are asleep, it is hard to:

-run to the drugstore if they suddenly wake up sick.

-go to the emergency vet if the cat starts puking its guts out all over the house.

-get toilet paper or toothpaste if it runs out.

Etc., etc.

Are you still living in the 1980s? Literally ALL of that can be outsourced nowadays. Even the vet.

Yeah, you’re the perfect single mom who always has the right medicine and extra toilet paper and toothpaste on hand, and can miraculously cure the cat. Yay for you.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2020 12:46     Subject: Re:My single friend wants to be a mom
I don’t think I understand why you’re posting this.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2020 12:45     Subject: Re:My single friend wants to be a mom
Anonymous wrote:A child isn't a consolation prize for the life you really wanted but didn't get.

A child shouldn't be born with the job to make you happy.

A child is a helpless human with her own needs. The data on "best practices" for the best shot at safe, happy, psychologically, mentally, and physically healthy children is well-known.


Married woman with two kids here. Don't you think married couples also have kids because we, se!fishly, think it wou!e make us happy? Do we have kids also. As a consolation prize for a life we don't have (say, being multimillionaires), or maybe just because we want them and can?

Anonymous
Post 02/08/2020 07:35     Subject: My single friend wants to be a mom
Anonymous wrote:Op here. I know it is none of my business, but I just want to be a good friend to see if I can be of any helps of any sort. My 2 kid are young (1 baby & 1 toddler), so I can be her emergency sitter backup/date night backup if needed. I can always share childcare knowledge/experiences since we live nearby.

She has good career & she earns decent money. Her family (live across the country) are rich, and there are many real estates, trusts & stocks are put under her name. She does not necessarily need to work for life but she wants to work to provide for herself. She has high education background, & her financial is definitely not a problem. I don't want to guess why she has not been in relationship, but I know that she is not willing to find any random guy to just get married. All I know is that if she wants, there's arranged marriage back home if she wants.

I'm sure she would be a wonderful mother because she has great caring character with great patience. She is good with kids. It is good to know that there's support groups out there, and I will pass her information. And, thanks pp of suggesting IUI because I only hear of ivf. And, she only wants 1 kid only. Thank you!


OP, you are being a good firend. Put her in touch with a SMBC group. They will give her the best advice and help her build her tribe. I know at least five SMBingle moms by choice in NYC where I live and they all pitch in and support each other. None of them have family in the area and all of their kids are thriving. As a single mom in her 40s she might have better luck finding a partner, ironically -- there are a lot of divorced dads in their 40s+ who prefer single moms (some view single women in their 40s who have never been in any relationships warily).
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2020 22:26     Subject: My single friend wants to be a mom
I am a SMC with twins. Not easy, for sure. Tell your friend to join the local chapter of the SMC. She can meet and talk to other women who are either already Mom, or are trying or thinking about it. This should be helpful for her in deciding and also to know others in the same situation.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2020 18:12     Subject: My single friend wants to be a mom
Anonymous wrote:I'm a single mom and don't really understand the people saying they couldn't leave the house to exercise or do errands. I joined a gym with child care and planned my errands efficiently so we could be in and out as quickly as possible. I'm a runner, so in nice weather I could run my daughter to preschool, combining the workout and commute to save time.

I also don't understand these people who somehow don't have time for a shower when they have a baby, so I might just be weird.


After they are asleep, it is hard to:

-run to the drugstore if they suddenly wake up sick.

-go to the emergency vet if the cat starts puking its guts out all over the house.

-get toilet paper or toothpaste if it runs out.

Etc., etc.

Yeah, you’re the perfect single mom who always has the right medicine and extra toilet paper and toothpaste on hand, and can miraculously cure the cat. Yay for you.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2020 17:57     Subject: My single friend wants to be a mom
Anonymous wrote:I’m not a SMBC, but I loved this explanation.

I didn’t necessarily want to separate having a child from finding a partner. But I wasn’t willing to gamble my deepest wish on finding the right guy before my eggs expired. “People partner up at all stages of life,” I told myself. “But this is the only time I can have a baby.”

https://www.health.com/condition/pregnancy/single-mom-by-choice


Agreed! I'm not a SMBC, moreso by circumstance. Prior to that, my plan was to pursue SMBC around age 34 if unmarried. After watching close family friends marry late and then struggle to conceive, I made this decision quietly in my teen years.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2020 14:32     Subject: My single friend wants to be a mom
I anyone having kids (with or without partner) needs to think of how they would handle special needs as well. There is no guarantee a child won't have issues. Without a support system it would be really tough and good thing she has a lot of money because you pay much more than the going rate to hire help when there are needs.

It is concerning she has never been in and stable long term relationship. I have a cousin like this who adopted later in life a very well adjusted and great kid. She will brag until the cows come home about how perfect it all is, but the kid is very capable of sharing her side and she does and there are a lot of issues and I truly hope they get counseling. The child resents her tremendously, not for being single, but for the personality quirks that make her struggle so much to get along with others. Luckily the kid makes friends easily and has a bunch of families that welcome her.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2020 09:37     Subject: My single friend wants to be a mom
I was a single mom for 10 years before I met my current husband. Now that I've done it both ways, single and married, I actually think in many respects it was easier to be a single mom. No one else to think about or deal with. Make your own parenting decisions and spend time as you see fit.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2020 08:33     Subject: My single friend wants to be a mom
There are some times you can't safely leave them alone...like when they are old enough to crawl out of the crib but still a toddler.

I would take mine into the bathroom (in a stroller) while I showered. It is just a constant job, when you have them yourself (vs in daycare)