Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks all. It’s good to get reminded of the benefits of working aside from the obvious reason. Perhaps it’s because I don’t have a job I love and similar to the earlier poster who wants to quit, having a job truly limits the flexibility. We don’t have family nearby and anytime someone is sick or if the school closes, we have to take time off.

I would add that if I stay at home, I would still send the kids to school at least part time. I don’t know how ppl can stay at home with their kids full time but I know I will go crazy. If I’m not working, I would love to be exercising more, go to yoga classes regularly, cook healthier meals, etc. alas, we can’t affors me to quit my job AND send the kids to part time preschool.

If you don't need to work for financial reasons, you have the flexibility to try to find work that is a better fit. You can afford to switch careers and take a lower paying job and see if you like the work more and build a new career. Or stay in your current career and try a different employer. Cultures can very so significantly from one place to the next. You can search for a job with better flexibility. Or you can afford to pay someone to come and watch your kid when they're sick. Quitting your job isn't the only answer to the problems you have with your work.

Lots of reasons:

- I don't actually like spending an entire day with my kid. I'm able to be really happy and loving in the time we do have together, which I wouldn't likely be able to maintain if I had to spend more time with her.
- My salary allows DH to take a lower paying job that he loves. He's happy and fulfilled and, as a result of this and the above reason, we have a happier home than we would if I stayed home. Although we could live off his salary, I'm the primary breadwinner. Only having his salary would be tight, and he might possibly feel compelled to take a higher paying job. Though he's super frugal so maybe he wouldn't give up the work that he loves - it would probably just mean I give up a lot of my luxuries, and well...
- I like feeling free to buy whatever I want without feeling like I have to ask permission or have DH sign off on it, especially because I have expensive preferences
- A second salary means that we can comfortably save for retirement, college, house projects, go on vacation, not micromanage every penny and have financial stress, etc
- I love my co-workers and, more often than not, I enjoy spending my days with them
- My work helps people, which I value
- I am really good at my job and I get to use skills that I wouldn't use if I stayed home with my kid
- Work gives my days structure that leads me to make healthier life choices than I would naturally do (go to bed earlier, eat healthier food I planned in advance, I leave my house....I'm a legit night owl homebody who would eat potato chips for every meal if left to my own devices.)
- It's important to me to maintain my ability to support myself in the event of divorce, DH's disability or death (this is especially real to me, since my dad was forced to retire due to health reasons when I was in 9th grade. thankfully, my mom had been working as a teacher. it was tight, but we managed. it would have been very bad had she not been working)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my job. I’m an MD and work with dementia and end of life patients and it’s just my calling. I don’t know how else to explain it.
I work part time, their school hours, and am home with them when they are home, I stay home when they are sick and have weekends off unless there is some sort of emergent issue with a patient.
I understand I have the best of both worlds. I will also add that if my only choice when they were not school age was to work full time or not work at all, I would have taken that time off to stay home full time with them.
I was lucky enough to get 2 full weekend days, so 2 12 hour shifts as a hospitalist, and stayed in the field.

Sorry for the off topic question but can you recommend a resource for dealing with an angry, anxious elderly mother in early stages of dementia? And thank you for the work you do! There aren't enough of you around.

You are welcome. PP here, I do not live in the DC area anymore, but I can provide general guidance. The anger and anxiety is typically just anxiety, the anger comes from being confused, anxious, fearful and presents as anger. It’s a natural human response, and unfortunately a typical marker of dementia.

I would recommend seeing a gereontologist or their primary care doctor with a phone call by you prior to the visit where you explain the situation and ask if anti-anxiety, anti-depressives would be recommended to try. You can give information, they just cannot give information to you unless your parent puts you down as POA or even just writes your name on the form to be notified of their medical issues.
Good doctors appreciate a heads up, and it spares you from having to explain in front of your parent, or if your parent goes alone, the doctor will have this information.
It is also important to preserve the sleep/wake cycle and often simply melatonin is used to ensure sleep. Lack of sleep can also cause anxiety, anger, and escalate dementia symptoms (think of a toddler who has missed their nap). You didn’t say this is an issue, but early stage dementia is a good time to regular sleep cycles and add a nap in if needed to create that routine.
The Alzheimer’s Association also has great resources, and a 24/7 help line you can google and depending on your location may have informational sessions and lots of local resources.
My apologies for hijacking this thread, but I am always happy to help.

Thank you so very much! This is very helpful and gives me some confidence to tackle the issue. My parents live far from us but it's clear i need to strongly advocate for treatment and help manage the situation. Thanks again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my job. I’m an MD and work with dementia and end of life patients and it’s just my calling. I don’t know how else to explain it.
I work part time, their school hours, and am home with them when they are home, I stay home when they are sick and have weekends off unless there is some sort of emergent issue with a patient.
I understand I have the best of both worlds. I will also add that if my only choice when they were not school age was to work full time or not work at all, I would have taken that time off to stay home full time with them.
I was lucky enough to get 2 full weekend days, so 2 12 hour shifts as a hospitalist, and stayed in the field.

Sorry for the off topic question but can you recommend a resource for dealing with an angry, anxious elderly mother in early stages of dementia? And thank you for the work you do! There aren't enough of you around.

You are welcome. PP here, I do not live in the DC area anymore, but I can provide general guidance. The anger and anxiety is typically just anxiety, the anger comes from being confused, anxious, fearful and presents as anger. It’s a natural human response, and unfortunately a typical marker of dementia.

I would recommend seeing a gereontologist or their primary care doctor with a phone call by you prior to the visit where you explain the situation and ask if anti-anxiety, anti-depressives would be recommended to try. You can give information, they just cannot give information to you unless your parent puts you down as POA or even just writes your name on the form to be notified of their medical issues.
Good doctors appreciate a heads up, and it spares you from having to explain in front of your parent, or if your parent goes alone, the doctor will have this information.
It is also important to preserve the sleep/wake cycle and often simply melatonin is used to ensure sleep. Lack of sleep can also cause anxiety, anger, and escalate dementia symptoms (think of a toddler who has missed their nap). You didn’t say this is an issue, but early stage dementia is a good time to regular sleep cycles and add a nap in if needed to create that routine.
The Alzheimer’s Association also has great resources, and a 24/7 help line you can google and depending on your location may have informational sessions and lots of local resources.
My apologies for hijacking this thread, but I am always happy to help.

Didn't read rest of the thread. I stayed home when my oldest kids were very young. Got very depressed, gained weight. Working was better for me mentally.

Anonymous wrote:I love my job. I’m an MD and work with dementia and end of life patients and it’s just my calling. I don’t know how else to explain it.
I work part time, their school hours, and am home with them when they are home, I stay home when they are sick and have weekends off unless there is some sort of emergent issue with a patient.
I understand I have the best of both worlds. I will also add that if my only choice when they were not school age was to work full time or not work at all, I would have taken that time off to stay home full time with them.
I was lucky enough to get 2 full weekend days, so 2 12 hour shifts as a hospitalist, and stayed in the field.

Sorry for the off topic question but can you recommend a resource for dealing with an angry, anxious elderly mother in early stages of dementia? And thank you for the work you do! There aren't enough of you around.

People are working due to financial need or medical insurance. Some may be bored at home. That's not me.

I worked in corporate America. I was not saving the world or the whales. I quit. I think I am a better role model to my kids because I am not giving them the BS that your identity comes from work.

I have yet to find a workplace where I am intellectually challenged or co-workers that I get intellectual (or common sense) stimulation. After college, the real world was a disappointment since people are intellectual dwarves and unpleasant.

I stayed at home to be with my kids. It helped that I could outsource everything. I do not feel bad that I spent years in college. I did not pay a dime for my college and no deserving person was denied a seat because of me.

Ymmv.

Anonymous wrote:I have about seven million dollars. I work because what if I get sued and lose all the money, or become a victim to someone like Bernie Madoff?

Is this a joke?

What are you doing that you think it's possible for you to get sued?

You could just be logical and not invest with someone like Bernie Madoff.

Anonymous wrote:I would love to take 6 months to a year break from the workforce but we can’t afford it. I’m curious. If you can afford not to work, what’s your motivation for working? I mean it can’t be easy to deal with commuting, small kids and the constant rushing to get out of the house in the morning and at night the mad dash to set food on the table, bath, etc.

Not having a job to come back to after the 6 months to a year is over. Otherwise would have done it in a heartbeat.

Intellectual stimulation, financial independence (ability to provide if my husband left, died, lost job, etc.), ability to save for college, my husband did not really want the pressure of being the sole breadwinner, and neither of us really wanted the lifestyle we could have afforded on one salary (we would have to live farther out, meaning a longer commute for him and therefore less overall family time). Also, I worked hard for my education and credentialing, and preferred to use it.

I love my job. I’m an MD and work with dementia and end of life patients and it’s just my calling. I don’t know how else to explain it.
I work part time, their school hours, and am home with them when they are home, I stay home when they are sick and have weekends off unless there is some sort of emergent issue with a patient.
I understand I have the best of both worlds. I will also add that if my only choice when they were not school age was to work full time or not work at all, I would have taken that time off to stay home full time with them.
I was lucky enough to get 2 full weekend days, so 2 12 hour shifts as a hospitalist, and stayed in the field.