In the past when DH would make a mistake, I made my displeasure well known. Now I stop and think about whether there is actually anything that can be changed about the situation. If not, I say something like “you’re human, you made a mistake, we’ll figure it out.” My long lectures were killing his self esteem. I learned that behavior from my family of origin and it was hard to unlearn but so worth it.

Anonymous wrote:Invisalign.

Made me smile more. Changed how DH reacted to my ever-smiling face.

That’s sweet!

Invisalign.

Made me smile more. Changed how DH reacted to my ever-smiling face.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I became more sexually adventurous (not kinky or swapping) and it had a very positive impact. I also found I really enjoyed it!

how does one become more sexually adventurous without being kinky?

Easy - new positions, new locations, role playing, the list goes on.

How many new positions are there? And i feel like I've done all that are physically possible for me ... ( no wheelbarrow position, thanks)

Sexually adventurous mainly means that you are in synch with your partner, find him/her desirable, want to experiment with them, find pleasure in the sex act with them, trust them. Your comment makes me feel that you are not getting what is being said here by the first pp.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I became more sexually adventurous (not kinky or swapping) and it had a very positive impact. I also found I really enjoyed it!

how does one become more sexually adventurous without being kinky?

Easy - new positions, new locations, role playing, the list goes on.

How many new positions are there? And i feel like I've done all that are physically possible for me ... ( no wheelbarrow position, thanks)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether it’s a mindset or a behavior, what’s the positive change you’ve made that has improved your relationship

(Please don’t turn this into a depressing martyr thread of “I got an affair partner” or “I gave up on him ever caring about my needs and am biding my time to divorce, there are 1000 threads for that, I’m curious about how people made themselves the best partner / marriage they could be)

A decision about my attitude. To accept my husband as is. To love unconditionally the way I want to be loved. To see the flaws and embrace them. To realize he was here on this earth decades before me and he managed quite well without my help. Not nitpicking. It makes for a beautiful life.

I second PP. Learning to accept your spouse's flaws and love the good parts of him has made for less conflict. Also learning to laugh at the hard parts of marriage goes a long way after decades if marriage. Marriage can get better with age.

I lost all the baby weight and took Wellbutrin for anxiety. Dh always loved me but once the baby weight was gone he was really hot for me. Plus now I can keep up on hikes and family bike trips.

I internalized the fact that my life, my children's lives is better for having DH in it. Once you acknowledge that it become easy to appreciate and accept the person for who they are.

So many things:

Started with myself first. Began meditation to deal with overwhelm and made exercise a priority.

Did Imago and Gottman therapy with spouse. Highly recommend both.

Established healthy boundaries with pushy in-laws. Talked maturely with spouse about why the boundaries were key to our family’s well-being.

Learned (from my kids) how to apologize. Modeled it for spouse who now does it well too.

Pursued my career dreams even though they scared my spouse.

Currently working on resolving disagreements quickly. Otherwise, we both retreat out of fear, stalemate ensues. Life is too short.

We’re 23 years in. He’s a weirdo. I’m a perfectionist. Seems to work.

Anonymous wrote:I quit smoking. 20 years ago next month.

That is so good for many reasons. Congratulations!

I stopped sweating the small stuff and it made our lives so much calmer. Our house and lives may not be as neat and tidy as I'd like but we are much happier as a couple and as a family. And I've gotten comfortable with it and now wonder why I was a bit crazed.

I quit smoking. 20 years ago next month.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came from a physically demonstrative family. I have no problem giving and asking my kids for kisses and hugs several times a day. DH is very reserved and so is his family of origin. I realized that DH loved getting hugs and kisses but was not comfortable asking for it. I started kissing and hugging him each time I kissed and hugged my kids, and now the kids automatically hug and kiss him when they kiss me. I know DH feels very happy with this. DH also like me to continue kissing and hugging him though he will not initiate. If I stop doing it or am away for a few days, he complains about it...but the silly man will still not initiate, unless I ask for it.

I love this! So sweet.

My DH is the same way. To this day, its so strange to me so see him and his dad shake hands when they see each other. He doesn't even really know how to express that but loves any kind of touch.

Your spouse should feel like the luckiest person because he/she married you.

I admit to sneaking up on DH now and then and copping a feel. His startled look is so worth it!!