Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. It’s amazing how people are defending this and being intentionally obtuse. There is a huge difference in screen time = kids watching a movie together or playing the Wii together and screen time = one kid absorbed in his iPad and ignoring everyone else. This isn’t a 16 yo. The parents absolutely need to shut that down and make/let their kid interact with the visitors.

Definitely, I will shut down the autism.

What insufferable fools say things like this!

I'm glad someone said this. Listen, my kid -- like 10% of american kids - has ADHD. He doesn't use any screens during the week. But when 12 people show up our house for xmas, he turns into a maniac shit show. That is literally the only time the tv gets turned on. And it stays on the WHOLE time. This is classic ADHD behavior where adhd kids get overwhelmed and overstimulated, and either turn hyper or anxious or rude or whatever. That's 10% of kids with ADHD. Plus another 2% for autism. And untold others with depression, anxiety, etc etc. Easily 1 out of every 5 elementary aged kids has serious challenges from having 10 people showing up in their house.

So we had 18 family members for xmas eve, and 8 people for christmas morning. DS was unbearably stressful the whole time he was up and away from the tv because we're trying to host plus watch him. It is so insanely stressful - for him and for us. So the tv stays on the whole time so we can manage the day. As said, it's not on for the rest of the year.

It's not all kids, but as i say, it's easily 1 out of every 5 kids.

Sorry, OP. That stinks, and I'm sorry that the cousins couldn't have (whatever it would have required for them in particular) to have been friendlier to your kids. Whether they were shy, standoffish, indifferent to people they didn't know well, or addicted to screens, it still sucks.

I have such fond memories of playing with my cousins as a kid - even ones a lot older or younger than me, and even the ones we didn't see often. I didn't think about this as a kid, but I suppose that was just part of our family culture though - people were glad to see each other, and even as adults we make a point to keep in touch, get together, and make sure our kids are close too.

But my dd has one cousin on my DH's side - the spoiled child of the spoiled child of the family, and she has only ever been jealous and sneaky with my dd (she's a few years older than dd and I wasn't certain of dd being safe playing out of my sight with her) and I put my foot down about not spending holidays with them. (We do visit at other times of the year and I hope that the situation can improve.)

Sorry to those of you whose cousins suck - I wish all of your a happier option for spending your holiday breaks.

I agree to a point. However, i will not force my child to play with yours for more than a couple of hours. Sometimes interests don't line up. your kid may be a brat or a bully, they may have different versions of what is fun to play with or how to play, you may not allow nerf guns or other toys my kids like to play with.
I don't think being with family means that you need to bond 24/7 for days on end.
It totally depends on how long the visit is. A few hours? Sure. no problem.
If you are talking a full day or more? Nope. sorry. It is my kid's Xmas break too and they can choose what is fun for them and it may not be playing duplo blocks.
We do put time limits on screens but some apps are educational like the book ones or the math ones and i will allow my child to play those for a bit longer than just a racing game.

Anonymous wrote:Really parents you are the boss.
They are trainable.
Teach them civility, kindness, and social graces now.

+1 They are more trainable than many of the posters on this thread think.

Parents should have proactively arranged for them to play a board game, hide and seek, etc.

Anonymous wrote:NP here. It’s amazing how people are defending this and being intentionally obtuse. There is a huge difference in screen time = kids watching a movie together or playing the Wii together and screen time = one kid absorbed in his iPad and ignoring everyone else. This isn’t a 16 yo. The parents absolutely need to shut that down and make/let their kid interact with the visitors.

Definitely, I will shut down the autism.

What insufferable fools say things like this!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your kids similar ages?

5 and 7. Close enough.

Mine is 5. Theirs is 7.

That's a pretty big age difference and different interests.

Pretty big age difference? It’s two years. This must be from a parent that justifies their kid not interacting with others and just playing on their iPad.

Kids need to learn social skills. My kids, nieces and nephews all play together and the age difference is huge- 5 year old to 16 year old. Put them together in the basement or outside and let them figure it out, it’s better than being with the “grown ups”. Now multiple days- yes they need some down time. But in general kids can hang out together without a screen.

Don’t you all remember running around with your cousins growing up?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your kids similar ages?

+1. My 11 and 13 yos will indulge their 6 and 7 yo cousins for a little while, but it gets boring for them fast.

Your kids must be super boring. My kids would love to play with little cousins if they had them. They adore playing with their friends’ little siblings. They’ll braid hair, teach them things, play games with them, do hide & go seek, ride scooters/bikes/skateboards together, on and on. Possibilities are endless.

Would you like to spend a whole day with a 20 year old? A couple of hours maybe but a whole day?

I just traveled Europe with my 20 yo step daughter- it was awesome!

My youngest brother is 23, and he’s great to hang out with. If people are family/friends/someone you care about, why should age matter? My kids are 10 & 6. Their cousins range in age from 2-8. None of them ever have trouble playing together.

Really parents you are the boss.
They are trainable.
Teach them civility, kindness, and social graces now.

NP here. It’s amazing how people are defending this and being intentionally obtuse. There is a huge difference in screen time = kids watching a movie together or playing the Wii together and screen time = one kid absorbed in his iPad and ignoring everyone else. This isn’t a 16 yo. The parents absolutely need to shut that down and make/let their kid interact with the visitors.

Anonymous wrote:My cousins were 4, 6, 8 and 12 years older than me and my year-younger brother (so we had a much more challenging gap than some are describing), and they played with us nonstop during holiday family visits. Our only downtime would be a movie on cable and they’d go off with their big kid friends in the evenings when we had an earlier bedtime.

I was so disappointed when my brother had kids and they are always on their parents’ phones. These kids are 5 and 7 and can’t even play with toys with their same-age cousins for 10 minutes before they whine for their parents’ phones. It’s gross. Summer visits are the worst- they won’t play outside even if we make it fun, and keep sneaking indoors to slide phones and iPads out of their parents’ bags. I love my cousins all these years later, but my kids barely have a relationship with theirs because of screens.

I’ve had a similar experience. I mean, I can’t say for sure if he’d be similar without screens (wanting to do something else instead), but one of my DC’s cousins (months apart) cannot play with her for more than 10-15 minutes without asking for a screen or wandering off and finding one himself. To be fair, he probably has ADHD like his father (and me! runs in our family) but his parents don’t make more than a cursory effort to dissuade him (their effort is what gets him to 15 minutes in the first place).

My cousins were 4, 6, 8 and 12 years older than me and my year-younger brother (so we had a much more challenging gap than some are describing), and they played with us nonstop during holiday family visits. Our only downtime would be a movie on cable and they’d go off with their big kid friends in the evenings when we had an earlier bedtime.

I was so disappointed when my brother had kids and they are always on their parents’ phones. These kids are 5 and 7 and can’t even play with toys with their same-age cousins for 10 minutes before they whine for their parents’ phones. It’s gross. Summer visits are the worst- they won’t play outside even if we make it fun, and keep sneaking indoors to slide phones and iPads out of their parents’ bags. I love my cousins all these years later, but my kids barely have a relationship with theirs because of screens.

My kids never turn down a board game. Ages 11, 17 & 22. And we have all of the video game systems and the younger 2 at home still love to play online, but will always drop that for monopoly. I find it hard to believe a 5 and 7 year old can't find a game to play together.

I agree parents could have done better, but at age 7-8 my kid had this really insufferable phase where he would NOT play with another child unless he chose that child himself (and never with even slightly younger kids). Now at 9 he is much more polite that way, but still work in progress.
How did your 5 yo take it? Did the 7 yo show him the games he was playing or the videos he was watching?
Also, letting the 7 yo stay on his iPad or whatever may have been a way to avoid him being rude to the little cousin...
anyway, I would focus on whether the 5 yo felt left out/sad/offended....
My son was good friends with a 3 yo girl at 5, but started completely ignoring her at 6 I have no idea why!
He is warming up to her now, but I still don’t have them play together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your kids similar ages?

5 and 7. Close enough.

Mine is 5. Theirs is 7.

That's a pretty big age difference and different interests.