Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes...you sound very hostile OP. Don't give anything if you are so bitter about life. The world doesn't need any more negativity.

Like others have said ...experiences can be free. You could give the parents free babysitting. That would provide for a great experience. You could take the kid to a park or invite over for a sleepover.

Go home Scrooge.

This would 100% be viewed as being cheap.

Nope. We don't want or need more crap. Honestly. Spending time is always a good idea.

Little kids do not understand quality time. They understand Christmas equals gifts, and they absolutely notice if Aunt Sarah didn’t send a gift this year.

Yikes. My kids don’t “keep tabs” on who doesn’t give them a gift. And they are super excited to go do fun stuff, even just fishing in Grandpa’s neighborhood or a trip to a play place down the street. Guess how much they care about the FOURTH fire truck they’ve been gifted in 2 years ...

Except for their most beloved toys, they don’t even notice when I do quarterly playroom decluttering/donation. If you don’t want to gift experiences fine, but know the cheap plastic junk you gift will be like setting your money on fire.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh what materialistic, clueless people you all are. Convert from Christianity and stop celebrating this disgusting tradition.

How would that stop the flood of birthday gifts?

Plus gift giving in Dec is a pagan tradition anyway.

Exactly. My husband’s family is Jewish but all the issues are the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mother in Law gave us $$ to buy gifts for DD since we won't see them for Christmas. I was going to use it for an experience but she wanted a photo/list of the gifts purchased with the money. Wanted it to go towards a "big" pile of stuff. Then keeps sending me links of things (mostly princess/pink stuff) that my tomboy would absolutely hate. Ugh.

I wish she'd just send a few gift cards and be done with it.

Yes, I have family that turns gifts into an endless string of attachment. You can't just receive the giftcard or toy and write a thank you. They waaaaant piiiiictures of the kid with the gift, and they keeep asking about the gift. Then they try to mainpulate...we got this gift so you need to do x, y and z. I finally had to say to one person no gifts. If you give a gift that is your choice, but we say thank you and are done. There will be no photos and endless updates on said gift.

The whole idea of family is that it's an "endless string of attachment." You're stuck with them and they want to connect with your children. Maybe see it from their perspective.

If you can't give an experience, they'd rather have no gift at all. Seriously. Just a hug or play a board game together. That can be the experience. No one said you have to BUY an experience.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh what materialistic, clueless people you all are. Convert from Christianity and stop celebrating this disgusting tradition.

How would that stop the flood of birthday gifts?

Plus gift giving in Dec is a pagan tradition anyway.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh what materialistic, clueless people you all are. Convert from Christianity and stop celebrating this disgusting tradition.

Wow are you clueless. Modern day Xmas was actually created in NYC. Nothing to do Christianity

Ugh what materialistic, clueless people you all are. Convert from Christianity and stop celebrating this disgusting tradition.

I have not encountered people asking for gift cards: gift cards would be fine with me. My experience is with grandparents who want their adult children to plan something for the whole family -- cousins, adult siblings, and grandparents -- that is not just hanging out at the house baking cookies and playing games. They tend to like to get dressed up and go somewhere for photo ops. I've done this a few times, and it's a logistical nightmare and I won't do it again.

My view is, if you want an experience gift you need to plan it and run it. Otherwise, you are getting "stuff" from me, with a gift receipt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Experience gifts don’t make sense in UMC circles. It’s not like the kids would be paying for their ice cream/museum/movie entry anyway. The parents would. My kids don’t care if you pay or I do - it’s free to them either way.

Yes, this is definitely true for us. Going out to movies/ice cream/museums/McDonald's are all things that we do with our kids anyway, especially around the holidays, so I would feel like it isn't much of a "gift" to give them something they would likely have done anyway. They don't pay for those things with their own money. Same with clothes and even books -- my kids know that if they ever want a book, they just have to ask and I will gladly purchase it from Amazon on the spot (to promote/encourage reading). Not that my kids don't appreciate receiving books as gifts, I just feel sort of bad about it.

it sounds like both of you pp's have plenty of money. For some people, the gift card would be the difference between the kid having the experience or not. That said, I haven't provided guidelines to anyone for gift giving unless asked.

I’m one of the PP’s and while this is true, even families with less money would have more left over for experiences if they weren’t roped into all this forced gift giving. I admit everyone I exchange with is more than comfortable financially and as a result the gift giving feels like a giant waste of everyone’s time as well just exchange sweaters and legos and Nintendo games. I’d love to just stop but I know I’m alone on this.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny and the kids I work with all have so much stuff with more on the way. I don’t want to add to that so I asked the kids if instead of me giving them a present, we’d go to an animal shelter and donate some money and then go get pizza. They said yes, so that’s what we did. The shelter had a tree set up with pictures of animals and a wish on the back. I let them pick out something from the wishes, then gave the shelter some cash up to the budget I had set and then walked around looking at the animals for a few minutes. Then we went and had pizza, played a few games and I took them home. It was great and they were excited to tell their parents all about it. An experience gift can be pretty simple and still make a lasting impact.

this is a good experience example.

Anonymous wrote:My sister kept pushing for experiences, like contribute to her Disney Christmas cruise or 6-horse jingle belle sleigh ride through the park. So last year I got her kids a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter and jelly, and a "gift certificate" to help out at the local shelter. My nephew told me they ended up volunteering and her really enjoyed it, but this year my sister just asked for Legos.

What a passive aggressive gift.

When I was a kid, there were some friends of my parents who always gave us $10 worth of McDonald's gift certificates (I think they came in a notepad style, $1 each). I still remember that with such joy, even though I can't remember who gave them to me!

Anonymous wrote:Mother in Law gave us $$ to buy gifts for DD since we won't see them for Christmas. I was going to use it for an experience but she wanted a photo/list of the gifts purchased with the money. Wanted it to go towards a "big" pile of stuff. Then keeps sending me links of things (mostly princess/pink stuff) that my tomboy would absolutely hate. Ugh.

I wish she'd just send a few gift cards and be done with it.

My MIL comes to visit every year around the holidays. She asks me what DS wants. I put together some ideas on an amazon wish list. She decides she doesn’t want to bring a gift with her. I offer to ship it here. She asks me to wrap it from her. Fine.

Then at the last minute she tells me never mind, she’d rather take DS to pick something out while she’s here. We go to a store and she tells DS to pick whatever he wants. Then she proceeds to micromanage what he picks. She tries to lead him to things she can play with him while she’s here, like board genes or something like that. DS has heard he can pick whatever he likes so although he likes board games, it’s not what he’d pick if he’s told he can pick anything in the store. The year he wanted Transformers MIL was especially disappointed. The whole experience ends with everyone feeling frustrated. She just needs to order something off the damn list she asks for or give a gift card in an amount she’s comfortable with.

Part of this is the awkwardness of people trying to bond through gift giving rather than actually spending time with the child to know his or her likes and dislikes.

I get that sometimes people live far away and can’t see the nephew or granddaughter frequently, but there’s Skype and other ways to build that bond. And then you aren’t buying the My Little Pony for the STEM lover or the ice cream parlor gift card for the dairy allergic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Experience gifts don’t make sense in UMC circles. It’s not like the kids would be paying for their ice cream/museum/movie entry anyway. The parents would. My kids don’t care if you pay or I do - it’s free to them either way.

Yes, this is definitely true for us. Going out to movies/ice cream/museums/McDonald's are all things that we do with our kids anyway, especially around the holidays, so I would feel like it isn't much of a "gift" to give them something they would likely have done anyway. They don't pay for those things with their own money. Same with clothes and even books -- my kids know that if they ever want a book, they just have to ask and I will gladly purchase it from Amazon on the spot (to promote/encourage reading). Not that my kids don't appreciate receiving books as gifts, I just feel sort of bad about it.

it sounds like both of you pp's have plenty of money. For some people, the gift card would be the difference between the kid having the experience or not. That said, I haven't provided guidelines to anyone for gift giving unless asked.