Anonymous
Post 12/06/2019 12:23     Subject: I know this makes me an internet jerk but I'm so mad at the posters
I'm the OP of the thread about my in-laws visiting too much. I'm very sorry for your loss, but that does NOT give you the right to attack other people.
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2019 06:32     Subject: Re:I know this makes me an internet jerk but I'm so mad at the posters
OP, you sholdn't complain about what you read here. Don't you know my friend lost her sight last year and would LOVE to read all of this petty snark.
You shold be ashamed of yourself. Just let got what is bothering you about this thread because there are people out there who can't read it right now but would love to. You would miss reading this when you go blind.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2019 21:51     Subject: I know this makes me an internet jerk but I'm so mad at the posters
Some people “lose” their parents and some just lose chains of dysfunction.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2019 21:49     Subject: I know this makes me an internet jerk but I'm so mad at the posters
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The only thing I can compare this to is when I was about 12 and we took my uncle to the ER for severe pain in his feet. Turned out he had shingles, which is known to be a horrible level of pain. My uncle has intellectual disabilities and cried from the pain. A man in a wheelchair came over and started to lecture my uncle that he should be grateful to even have feet. My Mom has gone to the bathroom and I was just 12 so I didn’t know what to do, but a woman told the man in the wheelchair that he didn’t get to complain about the absence of something that was causing someone else pain. I’ve remembered that my whole life. Just because you have a different pain doesn’t mean their pain isn’t real. I doubt you never ever found your parents frustrating when they were alive.


PP, you have completely missed OP’s point.

Her/his point is that no matter how annoying your family is, one day they will be gone and you will miss them. So instead of constantly complaining about them, try to overlook their faults and enjoy them while you still can.


You’ve completed missed that many people will simply be deeply relieved and unburdened when their parents die.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2019 17:33     Subject: Re:I know this makes me an internet jerk but I'm so mad at the posters
Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP. It is super frustrating. The thing I've come to realize is that most of those types of threads are begun by and continued by people who are pretty immature and narcissistic. Most of the OPs and a lot of the respondents need therapy because there is something wrong with them. I myself have taken a break from this forum because of the same reasons. Frankly the only reason I'm monitoring is to keep tabs on a relative who posts here a lot and on a few other forums. But I do always feel like I'm wading through a lot of much and yuck. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Others feel the way you do. Hugs.


I agree with the need to take a break from the forum sometimes. I find some of the replies unnecessarily rude and condescending. I don't think people are immature for venting though. People have tough days why make it harder on them.

I think it's immature to put people down for venting it doesn't make you any better but actually just the same.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2019 16:50     Subject: I know this makes me an internet jerk but I'm so mad at the posters
Anonymous wrote:I think the nuance some people are missing is that OP fully admitted this was a rant. Not all the posts complaining about minor family issues do, so if you’ve lost your parents, it stings.

My heart goes out to the posters whose parents were shitty human beings.

Empathy, people.


I don't think anyone is missing that nuance. We are just wondering why OP has to view every post about family issues through her own lens of loss and grief. If she were able to read those posts objectively, then they wouldn't sting and she wouldn't need to vent. She'd just laugh, or roll her eyes, commiserate or present an opposing view like most of us do depending on whether we identify with an OP or with the people in the stories OP is telling.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2019 16:31     Subject: I know this makes me an internet jerk but I'm so mad at the posters
Anonymous wrote:I think the nuance some people are missing is that OP fully admitted this was a rant. Not all the posts complaining about minor family issues do, so if you’ve lost your parents, it stings.

My heart goes out to the posters whose parents were shitty human beings.

Empathy, people.


I’m the poster from a few posts up who lost my mother young and this is exactly it. I absolutely understand not all parents are wonderful. I have massive amounts of sympathy for those with incredibly difficult relationships. It’s the minor complaints and the lack of appreciation - like what i stayed in my post, wanting to come to things etc - that really get me. I’m guessing people with abusive parents would feel similarly.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2019 16:28     Subject: I know this makes me an internet jerk but I'm so mad at the posters
I think the nuance some people are missing is that OP fully admitted this was a rant. Not all the posts complaining about minor family issues do, so if you’ve lost your parents, it stings.

My heart goes out to the posters whose parents were shitty human beings.

Empathy, people.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2019 15:44     Subject: I know this makes me an internet jerk but I'm so mad at the posters
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:who are complaining about their parents and inlaws over nothing. NOTHING. Yes, my and DH's parents are dead and it just kills me to see, on the DCUM front page, complaints from posters because 1) parents deposit money into their bank accounts; 2) parent asks for but doesn't use lists when giving christmas presents; 3) parents want to attend their kids' functions too much -- and it goes on and on and on. I know it's rude and stupid but I want to respond to each and every one of them - Don't you realize how precious this is? Don't you see how how lucky your kids are? Can't you appreciate them for their good intentions even when accompanied by clumsy execution? Don't you know they'll be gone too soon? Can't you, if nothing else, at least appreciate that they put your spouse into the world?

WAAAH! I just to want to have a big cry and I miss my parents so much, especially around the holidays. They would have loved my kids so much if they'd had the chance to meet them. Ok. Rant over. Carry on. Thank you.


Just be happy that you aren't so wretched you are unable to be grateful. These same people will be hated by their own grown children. That's the price they will pay.


PP, you seem pretty wretched yourself.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2019 15:44     Subject: I know this makes me an internet jerk but I'm so mad at the posters
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m not Op but it was a vent. She’s allowed. I had to take my mother off life support when she was 63 years old. She never met my children. So yes, having people complain about things like in-laws buying your kids too much stuff or wanting to see them too often upsets me. If you don’t understand that you lack some serious empathy.


I'm the poster with the abusive Dad, and I totally understand this perspective.


My parents have died and only knew my kids when under 3 (ie, my kids didn’t know them). I miss them, but I can totally get how grandparents can be irritating at moments. It’s one thing to feel sadness about your own loss; it’s another to begrudge people their personal circumstances.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2019 15:43     Subject: I know this makes me an internet jerk but I'm so mad at the posters
Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm with you. I have total sympathy for people who have really awful families and I don't mind any of the posts here. But I've lost both my parents, my siblings prefer not to spend holidays together, and things like holidays or school events that have tons of grandparents just break my heart a little bit. I think that people who have active, healthy, involved & loving grandparents in their kids' lives are just so incredibly lucky and I hope they appreciate that.


Again, abusive Dad poster. Totally agree with the above also. I think sometimes people that have seriously abusive parents are constantly mourning the loss of what could have been. The fact those abusive parents are alive and will die is a special kind of mental anguish and torment. Both situations are very difficult. My condolences to you.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2019 15:40     Subject: I know this makes me an internet jerk but I'm so mad at the posters
Anonymous wrote:I’m not Op but it was a vent. She’s allowed. I had to take my mother off life support when she was 63 years old. She never met my children. So yes, having people complain about things like in-laws buying your kids too much stuff or wanting to see them too often upsets me. If you don’t understand that you lack some serious empathy.


I'm the poster with the abusive Dad, and I totally understand this perspective.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2019 15:10     Subject: I know this makes me an internet jerk but I'm so mad at the posters
I’m not Op but it was a vent. She’s allowed. I had to take my mother off life support when she was 63 years old. She never met my children. So yes, having people complain about things like in-laws buying your kids too much stuff or wanting to see them too often upsets me. If you don’t understand that you lack some serious empathy.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2019 15:01     Subject: I know this makes me an internet jerk but I'm so mad at the posters
Anonymous wrote:Again, OP is not upset about the heavy, real shit. She's upset by the minor bullshit posts.

- extra money in your account
- your MIL drinking flavored water without asking
- Grandparents showing up at every play or sporting event

Little things that make life are complaints on DCUM. It's mind boggling.

I say this level headedly, knowing some people really get dealt super shitty, abusive situations. She's not talking about heavy things. Every day irritations should be forgiven.


But why is it only OK to complain about "super shitty, abusive situations"? Why can't we complain about the little minor BS stuff? Those things you're listing wouldn't bother me, but lots of things that bother me don't bother other people.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2019 14:59     Subject: I know this makes me an internet jerk but I'm so mad at the posters
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The only thing I can compare this to is when I was about 12 and we took my uncle to the ER for severe pain in his feet. Turned out he had shingles, which is known to be a horrible level of pain. My uncle has intellectual disabilities and cried from the pain. A man in a wheelchair came over and started to lecture my uncle that he should be grateful to even have feet. My Mom has gone to the bathroom and I was just 12 so I didn’t know what to do, but a woman told the man in the wheelchair that he didn’t get to complain about the absence of something that was causing someone else pain. I’ve remembered that my whole life. Just because you have a different pain doesn’t mean their pain isn’t real. I doubt you never ever found your parents frustrating when they were alive.


PP, you have completely missed OP’s point.

Her/his point is that no matter how annoying your family is, one day they will be gone and you will miss them. So instead of constantly complaining about them, try to overlook their faults and enjoy them while you still can.


I wonder about this sometimes. I haven't seen my criminally abusive father in almost 25 years. How will I feel when he dies?

My mildly abusive bipolar mother, on the other hand... I work hard to keep the relationship minimally intact so I don't feel guilty if she gets ill or when she someday dies. I'm not sure if I'll miss her or not, but I certainly am not going to overlook her faults and enjoy her while I can. Being around her makes me a worse parent and a general basket case. I'm going to continue to keep my distance for my own health and sanity.

But most importantly, I agree with all the others that big problems don't need to invalidate small problems. We are all living our lives and trying to rise to the challenges with which we're presented. It's OK to acknowledge small or petty annoyances, and to feel the feelings we actually have about the people in our lives.