Anonymous wrote:Is he an Aquarius? If so, that explains it all.

You mean mentally ill or neuro-atypical

Marriage is a relationship of two people. When it works it helps each one to be a better person. It is a give 75% for each one. This seems like somewhere what you describe is coming up short. Please get help. You can call this number 855 382 5433, they can be helpful in providing resources for you.
I also suggest the book Ready to Wed. Sometimes we have unrealistic expectations and may or may not really know our role and/or appropriate boundaries for marriage. I am praying for you. Know that you are a precious person, with a lot to give. There are just some things that may need to be worked out and sometimes it takes an outside person to see what is really going on. Communication really is important but sometimes people just don’t know how to communicate; how to listen and how to speak. Take care and God bless both you and your husband.

My friend divorced someone like this. “Dysfunctional” doesn’t even begin to describe his childhood. I’d get out, and I’m usually one of the anti-divorce posters. There is just no fixing some people.

You need to tell hm you are not willing to live like this. Unlike in years past when you begged him to stay you need to tell him if he continues to treat you like this he needs to go. I would consult an attorney first so you know how to financially protect yourself.

I also would not be willing to go to any of his family holiday events with him. If anyone in his family asks, tell them the truth about his he acts when you are alone.

Anonymous wrote:Op here - so I asked DH about why he was upset and giving me the silent treatment and he said he “can’t remember” - he acts like nothing happened, that being around his family triggered him, doesn’t remember why he was mad at me. I’m really upset still because we’d had a nice Thanksgiving weekend and then the silent treatment. Nothing resolved and just waiting for this to happen again. I feel very unsettled.

I would be asking more questions, what triggered him, what about his family triggered him, is it his family that triggers him or something about his family and you that triggers him. Did you have a rough relationship with his family at some point, is your DH still angry about something that happened in the past. Is he mad at his family and taking it out on you or actually mad at you. Does he think it's normal to give you the silent treatment until such a time he doesn't even remember why he was mad. I would be demanding some answers.

I wouldn't wait, I would sit down while there is calm and have a serious talk about it. Don't let him sweep it under the rug. He needs to talk, you need to tell him how the silent treatment makes you feel. You need to start explaining to him that you need marriage counselling and if this continues then separation may be on the cards.

Feeling unsettled and unsure of when the next silent treatment is coming is a classic sign of an abusive relationship. Either your DH starts making serious attempts or get out of this marriage, it's really not healthy for your self esteem.

Anonymous wrote:Op here - so I asked DH about why he was upset and giving me the silent treatment and he said he “can’t remember” - he acts like nothing happened, that being around his family triggered him, doesn’t remember why he was mad at me. I’m really upset still because we’d had a nice Thanksgiving weekend and then the silent treatment. Nothing resolved and just waiting for this to happen again. I feel very unsettled.

Once again, this is who he is. If you have kids you should’ve in counseling stat. If not, you need to move on and get a good attorney.

Is he an Aquarius? If so, that explains it all.

Op here - so I asked DH about why he was upset and giving me the silent treatment and he said he “can’t remember” - he acts like nothing happened, that being around his family triggered him, doesn’t remember why he was mad at me. I’m really upset still because we’d had a nice Thanksgiving weekend and then the silent treatment. Nothing resolved and just waiting for this to happen again. I feel very unsettled.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like some of what you are getting is not so silent. Sounds like there is a bigger issue here, like jealousy, anger (maybe even his mother or someone other than you) but there is definitely an issue here. Please get help. Here is a number that might be able to help with resources-855 382 5433. I have been where you are and it is not fun but God has a plan and God has an answer for you just as He had for me.
What is going on is not the best for you or your family. The manner in which your hubby is treating you is teaching your children to disrespect their mother and this is not good. I am praying for you to find the help that you need. I am also praying for your husband and your family. God bless you all.

God doesn’t have a plan. But nice try.

Anonymous wrote:This is my marriage of 6 years, OP, except that in public he generally will praise me. Just ignore me and give me the silent treatment more often than not at home. I am miserable. If 1 out of every 14 days he is affectionate and attentive, he cannot understand how after 6 years of this, I don’t want his interest. I don’t want to touch him. I don’t even care whether there may be a smidgen of something legitimate he cousins really be upset about.

I stay because we have a kid together and I can’t subject a child to his moods for 50% of the time. I don’t want to stay but I grew up with emotional and verbal abuse and I can’t leave a young only child alone with this. But yeah, as for me, I just don’t care why he wakes up and doesn’t even want to look at me. Eff him. Nothing I could possibly have ever done could justify a few days of this behavior, much less it being the norm more days than not. He has absolutely no willingness to go to therapy alone or together. I just have to figure out the least damaging time to divorce.

I am in a very similar situation. Waiting it out until kids are old enough to have their wishes be recognized in court so they don’t have to spend time alone with him. I dread 50/50 custody for fear of his angry abusive behavior towards the kids.

In the meantime, I feel like a fraud.

OP, if you don’t have kids, leave. If you do, try counseling but of he refuses, weigh out the options. Divorce with him having 50% custody of your kids exposing them to this behavior without you around to shield them or stay in the marriage until they are old enough to tell the courts that they don’t want to live with him.

I’m sorry you are going through this. It is so hurtful and you deserve better.

I’ve not read whole thread, but make a plan and talk to an attorney.

This is beyond the silent treatment. OP, I think from the volume and type of responses here you can see that this behavior is unacceptable. It is abusive.

This is who he is. You cannot change it, and even if you walk on eggshells and try to please him, he will engage in this cycle. This is what he is teaching your children if you stay, it's what you're teaching them--that this is what love looks like.

It really doesn't have to do with his feelings for you. He loved in you in the beginning, may still, but this is how his brain and upbringing and choices all come together.

Therapy for you is a great idea but isn’t going to change the fact he’s abusing you and treating you like dirt. Staying with him for reasons of “stability” sounds lame considering there is no stability unless it’s for financial reasons and you can fix that.

Sounds like some of what you are getting is not so silent. Sounds like there is a bigger issue here, like jealousy, anger (maybe even his mother or someone other than you) but there is definitely an issue here. Please get help. Here is a number that might be able to help with resources-855 382 5433. I have been where you are and it is not fun but God has a plan and God has an answer for you just as He had for me.
What is going on is not the best for you or your family. The manner in which your hubby is treating you is teaching your children to disrespect their mother and this is not good. I am praying for you to find the help that you need. I am also praying for your husband and your family. God bless you all.

I wish you the best. It took me a lot longer to lose interest. Surviving Infidelity has a great sub-thread on co-dependency. Try pulling back a little and see what happens. Be in another room when he leaves in the morning or if you have to be around the kids, have your back to him and focus on something else and don't look up or react at all when he leaves. Stop planning date nights and inviting his family over. But most of all, take good care of yourself, which it sounds like you're doing with therapy, etc.