Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We just made really different choices when our kids were young, including living in a much lower COL area.

Grandpa watched them while DH worked from home until they were 2. Then into morning preschool, extended into afternoon preschool at 3. Grandpa watched them from 3 to 6. I worked an intense full time job.

From around the time they were 3 to kindergarten age, DH had the big full time job and I stayed home and freelanced.

When they hit kindergarten, I went back to work part-time, nights.

At middle school, I went part time, days.

We didn't have kids until our late 30s so this was a big-picture plan.

So you never had two working parents? Yeah that seems to be a popular option. But necessitates a career that allows you to work in a low COL area with good schools. We would happily go part time but neither of our jobs allows it.

We never had two parents working full time outside of the home, yes.

Once kids were born, one stepped back and worked part time from home. We have traded that role, though, back and forth.

OP seems boxed in. Expensive city, bad neighborhood, no good school transportation, grueling schedules.

Every job and home we picked allowed breathing room.

Anonymous wrote:Why is "remote work" always put up as a definite "solution" to these types of problems? Not all work can be "remote."

Doctors
Teachers
First responders
Military
Government jobs involving specific security clearances
Restaurant/retail workers

Do all of you live in such a bubble that you don't think about that?

This, cut cable and stop going to Starbucks are the only solutions people here can ever come up with. It’s so damn reliable, just like the people who uselessly chime in “Smithsonian” when someone asks for a fun weekend idea with kids.

This is... all of our lives

Anonymous wrote:

We just made really different choices when our kids were young, including living in a much lower COL area.

Grandpa watched them while DH worked from home until they were 2. Then into morning preschool, extended into afternoon preschool at 3. Grandpa watched them from 3 to 6. I worked an intense full time job.

From around the time they were 3 to kindergarten age, DH had the big full time job and I stayed home and freelanced.

When they hit kindergarten, I went back to work part-time, nights.

At middle school, I went part time, days.

We didn't have kids until our late 30s so this was a big-picture plan.

So you never had two working parents? Yeah that seems to be a popular option. But necessitates a career that allows you to work in a low COL area with good schools. We would happily go part time but neither of our jobs allows it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is "remote work" always put up as a definite "solution" to these types of problems? Not all work can be "remote."

Doctors
Teachers
First responders
Military
Government jobs involving specific security clearances
Restaurant/retail workers

Do all of you live in such a bubble that you don't think about that?

It's just a suggestion. Many of the options put out there might not be possible, doesn't mean that that they shouldn't be mentioned. It has nothing to do with living in a bubble. Without knowing the OP's exact situation people are just sharing ideas that have worked for them. We live in DC where there is no busing for public school kids, but I'm not going to attack people if they suggested that to me without knowing I live in DC.

So every student in DC is driven to school by their parents? Or is there no public school busing because students live within a reasonable walk/public transportation commute so school buses are unnecessary?

Well, if kids go to their neighborhood elementary school, theoretically they can walk there. But some schools have really big boundaries so the school isn't really close enough to walk so yes, they are driven by their parents. But many kids go to out-of-bound schools and therefore must find their own rides. Middle and high school kids that can't walk either get rides or take the metro/public bus.

In our case, we bought a small house on a loud street in a neighborhood where all three schools are walkable and our work commutes are short. We did this in order to make all our commutes short and easy, but we had to make financial sacrifices to do so.

We just made really different choices when our kids were young, including living in a much lower COL area.

Grandpa watched them while DH worked from home until they were 2. Then into morning preschool, extended into afternoon preschool at 3. Grandpa watched them from 3 to 6. I worked an intense full time job.

From around the time they were 3 to kindergarten age, DH had the big full time job and I stayed home and freelanced.

When they hit kindergarten, I went back to work part-time, nights.

At middle school, I went part time, days.

We didn't have kids until our late 30s so this was a big-picture plan.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is "remote work" always put up as a definite "solution" to these types of problems? Not all work can be "remote."

Doctors
Teachers
First responders
Military
Government jobs involving specific security clearances
Restaurant/retail workers

Do all of you live in such a bubble that you don't think about that?

It's just a suggestion. Many of the options put out there might not be possible, doesn't mean that that they shouldn't be mentioned. It has nothing to do with living in a bubble. Without knowing the OP's exact situation people are just sharing ideas that have worked for them. We live in DC where there is no busing for public school kids, but I'm not going to attack people if they suggested that to me without knowing I live in DC.

So every student in DC is driven to school by their parents? Or is there no public school busing because students live within a reasonable walk/public transportation commute so school buses are unnecessary?

Anonymous wrote:Why is "remote work" always put up as a definite "solution" to these types of problems? Not all work can be "remote."

Doctors
Teachers
First responders
Military
Government jobs involving specific security clearances
Restaurant/retail workers

Do all of you live in such a bubble that you don't think about that?

It's just a suggestion. Many of the options put out there might not be possible, doesn't mean that that they shouldn't be mentioned. It has nothing to do with living in a bubble. Without knowing the OP's exact situation people are just sharing ideas that have worked for them. We live in DC where there is no busing for public school kids, but I'm not going to attack people if they suggested that to me without knowing I live in DC.

Anonymous wrote:Why is "remote work" always put up as a definite "solution" to these types of problems? Not all work can be "remote."

Doctors
Teachers
First responders
Military
Government jobs involving specific security clearances
Restaurant/retail workers

Do all of you live in such a bubble that you don't think about that?

Not only that, but people who can work remotely are already using it. Ditto with the mythical “reliable, cheap part l-time helper” that people love to suggest on this forum. It very rarely exists!

Why is "remote work" always put up as a definite "solution" to these types of problems? Not all work can be "remote."

Doctors
Teachers
First responders
Military
Government jobs involving specific security clearances
Restaurant/retail workers

Do all of you live in such a bubble that you don't think about that?

Op, hire a cheap teen mother’s helper. The energy they have is amazing.

Op, I'm also a 2 parent working family, and your schedule looks pretty typical to me, including church-it's a priority for our family.

In your case, I'd really try to get one or both of the kids riding the bus. If the bus stop is in a bad spot, perhaps petition the city to move it? Are there other kids waiting there also so dd would not be alone? is there a nearby stop you could drop her off at instead. The pickups and dropoffs at school are taking a lot of your time.

I wouldn't do aftercare, you're just paying money to still have to pick up the kids.

I'd have someone in to clean bi-weekly, to lighten the weekend load a bit.

Can the kids buy lunch?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you have the life that many 2 working parents households have.

And this is why I posted -- it sounds like we are doing it the way everyone else does, and there is no secret sauce we are missing.

Like I said, our school is mostly PT and SAHM, so our DDs friends homes are always immaculate, DW always seem chill, and there are zero of her friends in SACC. So our point of reference was skewed but I'm much more at peace now that I have heard from the WP tribe

I feel like you are not reading very closely. There are several posts of people who do things differently and as a result have more time and less stress. You are simply dismissing all of those ideas. It doesn't seem like you actually want to make any change, you just want to be told that you are right and there is nothing you can do to improve your life.

My husband and I work full time and have kids about yours ages. We both are able to work normal hours and have more time as a family and for things like date nights and time with our friends. Our house is reasonably clean and our lives are organized. We get plenty of sleep. It is possible.

Can you lay out your schedule? I think you refer to before care, buses, and dropping activities and church? What am I missing?

Suggestions have included:

1) Have your kids take the bus to school.
2) Send your kids to aftercare.
3) Have the kids for more chores and pack their own lunch, and/or let them do school lunch.
4) Outsource housecleaning.
5) Use grocery delivery
6) Remote work

I'm not suggesting your drop activities or church. If you tried some of these other suggestions, it would free up more of your time and then you wouldn't have to give up things that are important to you.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a single working mom of 3 elementary kids. All3 in travel sports. Your schedule seems easier compared to mine

Post yours! Be an inspiration!

NP. I am a single mom of a 9 yo. Only read the OP.
1) aftercare, preferably with classes included (my kid goes to a gym one)
2) cleaners