Anonymous
Post 12/03/2019 08:55     Subject: Police interview re my teen
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Personally I would want to discuss this with the therapist


What?!! Lol that's NOT how it works.


No. This is actually good advice.

First, I will say that I was molested by a family member when I was 8. Memory is funny. I always knew at some level something had happened. But here’s what I remembered— the bedspread. Because that is what I focused on to try and make it go away. It took a lot of therapy— at first drawing and writing— to talk about it. It was never reported by my therapist because I was not a minor. I chose not to report it myself for several reasons.

OP’s daughter needs to drive the process here. People almost never “think” they were molested out of the blue. It’s very likely something happened.

OP needs to go in with her daughter to a therapy session and talk with her daughter and the therapist about what her daughter wants to do. And what OP can do to support her daughter. DD can talk to the police now, when she feels ready down the road, or never. And DD can dictate the terms of the interview. She may want a female detective, she should want someone who specializes in abuse victims, she may want her mom and/or therapist present for support. She may want to be interviewed in her home and not the station. Of the police can’t work with that, DD doesn’t have to interview.

OP is asking the wrong question. The issue isn’t what OP should do. It’s what her DD decides to do. And she should not be made or pressured to do anything.


+1 million to all of this. The goal is the best outcome for the OP's daughter.
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2019 08:50     Subject: Police interview re my teen
Anonymous wrote:I was molested by my next door neighbor when I was around 9 or 10. I do not remember all of the dates, times, etc...but I remember what he made me do. I have never reported it. I don't know if he would be charged anyway (this would have happened in 1979 or 1980 in NY state). I have no proof. But it happened.


Oh my God. I am so, so sorry.
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2019 08:40     Subject: Police interview re my teen
Anonymous wrote:We are being totally supportive of my teen. Just need to know how to navigate law enforcement.


You're not required to allow your teen to speak to the police. I'd tell the detective you need some time to think about it. It's not clear from your post that your child shared this with a mind towards punishment. I wouldn't subject my child to a police investigation without a LOT of thought and conversation.


There's a lot going on here - while the therapist is a mandatory reporter I'm not certain this would meet the threshold. did the therapist tell you or your child they were reporting? IF not, that seems like a massive breach of trust.
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2019 07:46     Subject: Police interview re my teen
Anonymous wrote:I was molested by my next door neighbor when I was around 9 or 10. I do not remember all of the dates, times, etc...but I remember what he made me do. I have never reported it. I don't know if he would be charged anyway (this would have happened in 1979 or 1980 in NY state). I have no proof. But it happened.


I’m so sorry.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2019 12:19     Subject: Police interview re my teen
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Personally I would want to discuss this with the therapist


What?!! Lol that's NOT how it works.


No. This is actually good advice.

First, I will say that I was molested by a family member when I was 8. Memory is funny. I always knew at some level something had happened. But here’s what I remembered— the bedspread. Because that is what I focused on to try and make it go away. It took a lot of therapy— at first drawing and writing— to talk about it. It was never reported by my therapist because I was not a minor. I chose not to report it myself for several reasons.

OP’s daughter needs to drive the process here. People almost never “think” they were molested out of the blue. It’s very likely something happened.

OP needs to go in with her daughter to a therapy session and talk with her daughter and the therapist about what her daughter wants to do. And what OP can do to support her daughter. DD can talk to the police now, when she feels ready down the road, or never. And DD can dictate the terms of the interview. She may want a female detective, she should want someone who specializes in abuse victims, she may want her mom and/or therapist present for support. She may want to be interviewed in her home and not the station. Of the police can’t work with that, DD doesn’t have to interview.

OP is asking the wrong question. The issue isn’t what OP should do. It’s what her DD decides to do. And she should not be made or pressured to do anything.


I don’t think somebody that did not get therapy for their child molestation is in a position to give advice.


Did you read before posting? It says very clearly that I dealt with having been molested in therapy for a significant amount of time.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2019 12:15     Subject: Police interview re my teen
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Personally I would want to discuss this with the therapist


What?!! Lol that's NOT how it works.


No. This is actually good advice.

First, I will say that I was molested by a family member when I was 8. Memory is funny. I always knew at some level something had happened. But here’s what I remembered— the bedspread. Because that is what I focused on to try and make it go away. It took a lot of therapy— at first drawing and writing— to talk about it. It was never reported by my therapist because I was not a minor. I chose not to report it myself for several reasons.

OP’s daughter needs to drive the process here. People almost never “think” they were molested out of the blue. It’s very likely something happened.

OP needs to go in with her daughter to a therapy session and talk with her daughter and the therapist about what her daughter wants to do. And what OP can do to support her daughter. DD can talk to the police now, when she feels ready down the road, or never. And DD can dictate the terms of the interview. She may want a female detective, she should want someone who specializes in abuse victims, she may want her mom and/or therapist present for support. She may want to be interviewed in her home and not the station. Of the police can’t work with that, DD doesn’t have to interview.

OP is asking the wrong question. The issue isn’t what OP should do. It’s what her DD decides to do. And she should not be made or pressured to do anything.


I don’t think somebody that did not get therapy for their child molestation is in a position to give advice.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2019 11:34     Subject: Police interview re my teen
Anonymous wrote:^^ BTW— I’m an attorney, and would not hire an attorney. It just doesn’t seem necessary. If you do, look for a family lawyer who deals in custody issues, where these type of allegations s— true and not true are common. You don’t want a criminal lawyer here.


Yes you do. Although it would be good to find one experienced in both realms.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2019 10:41     Subject: Police interview re my teen
^^ BTW— I’m an attorney, and would not hire an attorney. It just doesn’t seem necessary. If you do, look for a family lawyer who deals in custody issues, where these type of allegations s— true and not true are common. You don’t want a criminal lawyer here.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2019 10:38     Subject: Police interview re my teen
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Personally I would want to discuss this with the therapist


What?!! Lol that's NOT how it works.


No. This is actually good advice.

First, I will say that I was molested by a family member when I was 8. Memory is funny. I always knew at some level something had happened. But here’s what I remembered— the bedspread. Because that is what I focused on to try and make it go away. It took a lot of therapy— at first drawing and writing— to talk about it. It was never reported by my therapist because I was not a minor. I chose not to report it myself for several reasons.

OP’s daughter needs to drive the process here. People almost never “think” they were molested out of the blue. It’s very likely something happened.

OP needs to go in with her daughter to a therapy session and talk with her daughter and the therapist about what her daughter wants to do. And what OP can do to support her daughter. DD can talk to the police now, when she feels ready down the road, or never. And DD can dictate the terms of the interview. She may want a female detective, she should want someone who specializes in abuse victims, she may want her mom and/or therapist present for support. She may want to be interviewed in her home and not the station. Of the police can’t work with that, DD doesn’t have to interview.

OP is asking the wrong question. The issue isn’t what OP should do. It’s what her DD decides to do. And she should not be made or pressured to do anything.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2019 10:09     Subject: Police interview re my teen
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Neighbor can take op to court. I know I would if I were wrongfully accused.


And what exactly do you think will happen in court?

Neighbor can get a judgement against OP's daughter? How much money do you think OP's daughter has?


I'd go after OP if OP's daughter is a minor. If OP's daughter is not a minor, yes, I'd def go after OP's daughter. Not interested in getting money but I will do my best to make her life living hell as she has done to me.


Your weird fantasizing about this is bizarre.


IKR super defensive


Doth protest too much. Worried the police will knock on your door PP?

PS— go after for what? Libel? She can’t prove it happened, but you can’t prove it didn’t. Takes a confidential matter and makes it public record. Against you.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2019 18:41     Subject: Police interview re my teen
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You should, at least, consult a lawyer to understand your daughter's rights and your own.


The only reason to consult a lawyer is if you want to take legal action against the predator in civil court. There, only the preponderance of the evidence is required to win, but the outcome will be money rather than revenge. It could help your DD in the costs of her recovery.

Otherwise, you are just lining the pocket of the legal profession.



Without going into detail, this is most decidedly not the only reason to consult an attorney.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2019 17:44     Subject: Re:Police interview re my teen
Speak with an attorney, OP. Law Enforcement must investigate these reports, but if you do not know how to navigate the legal system, especially considering that this concerns your child who is a juvenile, best advice is to speak with an atty rather than to try and wing it.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2019 07:26     Subject: Re:Police interview re my teen
If it is true you need to find her a therapist that does DBT.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2019 07:23     Subject: Police interview re my teen
Anonymous wrote:Is it me or is everybody think police talking to teen de facto means the guy will be 100 percent arrested?


No. I think there is a 1% chance he will he arrested.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2019 06:39     Subject: Police interview re my teen
Anonymous wrote:You should, at least, consult a lawyer to understand your daughter's rights and your own.


The only reason to consult a lawyer is if you want to take legal action against the predator in civil court. There, only the preponderance of the evidence is required to win, but the outcome will be money rather than revenge. It could help your DD in the costs of her recovery.

Otherwise, you are just lining the pocket of the legal profession.