Anonymous
11/24/2019 21:49
Subject: Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:It has to do with the truth that women, not men, shape families and households, and all things being equal, a woman will be closer to her own mother than to her MIL. Add the truth that access to grandchildren is granted through their mother, and there you have it.
+1
Anonymous
11/24/2019 21:43
Subject: Re:Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.
It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?
Spoken like another ignorant American.
This is an AMERICAN thing. I'm Asian and my DH, brothers, extended family....all of the men are close to their parents.
My observation living in the US is that nearly all of your families are broken, dysfunctional, and fractured. Sons and daughters. Probably why so many of you have to fill your bodies with antidepressants and anxiety meds. Life is not easy when you don't have a tight knit family for support. I consider my DHs family my family too.. life is much easier when you have dozens of people you can lean on when needed.
I’ve lived in several developing countries in Latin America and Asia. I have observed there how stressed and depressed middle class young married women and mothers are. And they are unable to complain or seek medical assistance. Many would accept medication to help them cope if their husbands and in-laws would allow them to do so. A good friend had a nervous breakdown because her MIL put herself in charge of her postpartum diet with the goal of making sure that she could breastfeed and be back at her pre-pregnancy weight by 2 months to keep her DH’s attention.
I think this PP has a point. Being an Indian myself, Asians and Indians in America have a different experience than those in the homeland. Asians and Indians here are more or less American and let the kids live their own lives, for the most part. So its a pretty good balance of the old and new world.
Anonymous
11/24/2019 21:33
Subject: Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It has to do with the truth that women, not men, shape families and households, and all things being equal, a woman will be closer to her own mother than to her MIL. Add the truth that access to grandchildren is granted through their mother, and there you have it.
It is unfortunately true in very traditional or less educated families.
Exactly. Not all of us are stuck in 1950, thanks.
LOL right, that's exactly the reason why all the UMC, graduate-degreed ladies in the Expectant Mothers forum are like, I don't want my MIL in the L&D room or in my house after the birth, I want my mooooom. Because we are all exactly just as close our MILs as we are to our own mother. Sure. You bet. No difference at all.
Pssst...a lot of us didn't want anyone but our husband or partner in the room. Mind. Blown.
Anonymous
11/24/2019 21:28
Subject: Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It has to do with the truth that women, not men, shape families and households, and all things being equal, a woman will be closer to her own mother than to her MIL. Add the truth that access to grandchildren is granted through their mother, and there you have it.
It is unfortunately true in very traditional or less educated families.
Exactly. Not all of us are stuck in 1950, thanks.
LOL right, that's exactly the reason why all the UMC, graduate-degreed ladies in the Expectant Mothers forum are like, I don't want my MIL in the L&D room or in my house after the birth, I want my mooooom. Because we are all exactly just as close our MILs as we are to our own mother. Sure. You bet. No difference at all.
Anonymous
11/24/2019 21:21
Subject: Re:Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.
It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?
Spoken like another ignorant American.
This is an AMERICAN thing. I'm Asian and my DH, brothers, extended family....all of the men are close to their parents.
My observation living in the US is that nearly all of your families are broken, dysfunctional, and fractured. Sons and daughters. Probably why so many of you have to fill your bodies with antidepressants and anxiety meds. Life is not easy when you don't have a tight knit family for support. I consider my DHs family my family too.. life is much easier when you have dozens of people you can lean on when needed.
Oh dear, you really are ignorant. First or second generation?
Anonymous
11/24/2019 21:18
Subject: Re:Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.
It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?
Spoken like another ignorant American.
This is an AMERICAN thing. I'm Asian and my DH, brothers, extended family....all of the men are close to their parents.
My observation living in the US is that nearly all of your families are broken, dysfunctional, and fractured. Sons and daughters. Probably why so many of you have to fill your bodies with antidepressants and anxiety meds. Life is not easy when you don't have a tight knit family for support. I consider my DHs family my family too.. life is much easier when you have dozens of people you can lean on when needed.
You sound very needy and subservient. Must be a cultural thing?
NP, but as a Vietnamese-American with a Vietnamese mom and an American (GI) dad, you must not know many Asian women, LOL!??
NP the asian girls at work are very close to their own families and their in-laws. In fact they have very little say in the run of their own lives. Where they live, what house to buy, what car to buy, taking care of children is heavily influenced by all the parents ie the parents tell them what to do. They must go to dinner numerous times a week to each family, they must obey what their parents decide.
Sometimes having plenty of hands available can be helpful and sometimes it can be suffocating. Whilst they all say how great it is, I do wonder what it would be like going through life with no responsibility because your parents are there to make every decision for you. But then again one told me she was pregnant with a baby in her belly, so maybe it just keeps you infantile through life.
You're nuts. You make this assessment because you "work with some Asian girls"?
I'm an Asian dentist that owns my own private practice. I employ 3 dentists, 1 orthodontist, more than a dozen hygienists, and a handful of back office personnel.
Yes. I am very close to my parents and in laws. Yes they put me through dental school and spend hundreds of thousands on me. Yes, they watch my 3 children while DH and I work because we don't believe in strangers raising our kids. No, my parents don't tell me what to do and when to eat. I'm a business owner and am lucky to wat dinner at all. I have lots and lots of successful Asian colleagues who are also leaders in thr medical field and I can assure you we dont take orders, but we do give orders to a lot of Americans
Anonymous
11/24/2019 20:16
Subject: Re:Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.
It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?
Spoken like another ignorant American.
This is an AMERICAN thing. I'm Asian and my DH, brothers, extended family....all of the men are close to their parents.
My observation living in the US is that nearly all of your families are broken, dysfunctional, and fractured. Sons and daughters. Probably why so many of you have to fill your bodies with antidepressants and anxiety meds. Life is not easy when you don't have a tight knit family for support. I consider my DHs family my family too.. life is much easier when you have dozens of people you can lean on when needed.
You sound very needy and subservient. Must be a cultural thing?
NP, but as a Vietnamese-American with a Vietnamese mom and an American (GI) dad, you must not know many Asian women, LOL!??
NP the asian girls at work are very close to their own families and their in-laws. In fact they have very little say in the run of their own lives. Where they live, what house to buy, what car to buy, taking care of children is heavily influenced by all the parents ie the parents tell them what to do. They must go to dinner numerous times a week to each family, they must obey what their parents decide.
Sometimes having plenty of hands available can be helpful and sometimes it can be suffocating. Whilst they all say how great it is, I do wonder what it would be like going through life with no responsibility because your parents are there to make every decision for you. But then again one told me she was pregnant with a baby in her belly, so maybe it just keeps you infantile through life.
NP how does being pregnant keep you infantile?
Anonymous
11/24/2019 19:53
Subject: Re:Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
I don't find this true at all. In fact, as the DIL, I encourage my DH to reach out to his family more, and I send pictures of my DH to my MIL and text and call her. She lives across the country and only sees him 2x a year, so I want to make sure that she feels connected.
Anonymous
11/24/2019 19:45
Subject: Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It has to do with the truth that women, not men, shape families and households, and all things being equal, a woman will be closer to her own mother than to her MIL. Add the truth that access to grandchildren is granted through their mother, and there you have it.
It is unfortunately true in very traditional or less educated families.
Exactly. Not all of us are stuck in 1950, thanks.
Anonymous
11/24/2019 19:38
Subject: Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:It has to do with the truth that women, not men, shape families and households, and all things being equal, a woman will be closer to her own mother than to her MIL. Add the truth that access to grandchildren is granted through their mother, and there you have it.
It is unfortunately true in very traditional or less educated families.
Anonymous
11/24/2019 19:07
Subject: Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
It has to do with the truth that women, not men, shape families and households, and all things being equal, a woman will be closer to her own mother than to her MIL. Add the truth that access to grandchildren is granted through their mother, and there you have it.
Anonymous
11/24/2019 18:53
Subject: Re:Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.
It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?
Spoken like another ignorant American.
This is an AMERICAN thing. I'm Asian and my DH, brothers, extended family....all of the men are close to their parents.
My observation living in the US is that nearly all of your families are broken, dysfunctional, and fractured. Sons and daughters. Probably why so many of you have to fill your bodies with antidepressants and anxiety meds. Life is not easy when you don't have a tight knit family for support. I consider my DHs family my family too.. life is much easier when you have dozens of people you can lean on when needed.
You sound very needy and subservient. Must be a cultural thing?
NP, but as a Vietnamese-American with a Vietnamese mom and an American (GI) dad, you must not know many Asian women, LOL!??
NP the asian girls at work are very close to their own families and their in-laws. In fact they have very little say in the run of their own lives. Where they live, what house to buy, what car to buy, taking care of children is heavily influenced by all the parents ie the parents tell them what to do. They must go to dinner numerous times a week to each family, they must obey what their parents decide.
Sometimes having plenty of hands available can be helpful and sometimes it can be suffocating. Whilst they all say how great it is, I do wonder what it would be like going through life with no responsibility because your parents are there to make every decision for you. But then again one told me she was pregnant with a baby in her belly, so maybe it just keeps you infantile through life.
Anonymous
11/24/2019 11:05
Subject: Re:Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.
It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?
Spoken like another ignorant American.
This is an AMERICAN thing. I'm Asian and my DH, brothers, extended family....all of the men are close to their parents.
My observation living in the US is that nearly all of your families are broken, dysfunctional, and fractured. Sons and daughters. Probably why so many of you have to fill your bodies with antidepressants and anxiety meds. Life is not easy when you don't have a tight knit family for support. I consider my DHs family my family too.. life is much easier when you have dozens of people you can lean on when needed.
You sound very needy and subservient. Must be a cultural thing?
NP, but as a Vietnamese-American with a Vietnamese mom and an American (GI) dad, you must not know many Asian women, LOL!??
Anonymous
11/24/2019 10:53
Subject: Re:Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.
It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?
Spoken like another ignorant American.
This is an AMERICAN thing. I'm Asian and my DH, brothers, extended family....all of the men are close to their parents.
My observation living in the US is that nearly all of your families are broken, dysfunctional, and fractured. Sons and daughters. Probably why so many of you have to fill your bodies with antidepressants and anxiety meds. Life is not easy when you don't have a tight knit family for support. I consider my DHs family my family too.. life is much easier when you have dozens of people you can lean on when needed.
If Americans, American culture and American families are so terrible, why oh why do you put up with us? Life is so much better elsewhere, clearly.
You have an active imagination. The poster never said American culture was terrible. As an American, it would be disingenuous to say that American families aren't broken. We are a foreign service family and I can say that we really have a lot to learn from other cultures. I can say I've live in many places much poorer than here and places much wealthier than here, but the US takes the cake for depression and overall unhappiness and I think much of that has to do with family structure or lack thereof.
I also this the poster is correct, this silliness of the perception that daughters are closer to the mothers is also uniquely American. At this point I've lived my adult life overseas longer than I've lived in the US and whenever I'm back here I'm so surprised at how disconnected everyone is.
Anonymous
11/24/2019 09:43
Subject: Re:Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.
It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?
Spoken like another ignorant American.
This is an AMERICAN thing. I'm Asian and my DH, brothers, extended family....all of the men are close to their parents.
My observation living in the US is that nearly all of your families are broken, dysfunctional, and fractured. Sons and daughters. Probably why so many of you have to fill your bodies with antidepressants and anxiety meds. Life is not easy when you don't have a tight knit family for support. I consider my DHs family my family too.. life is much easier when you have dozens of people you can lean on when needed.
Sad, but true. As someone from latin America this is my observation as well. We are all close to our parents, men and women.
So why oh why do you endure the horrid United States, with all of its broken families? Why not go live in these wonderful places where families are close and perfect?
Why would I leave my family here? Makes no sense. You are aware that there's a huge Latino population here, no?